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Disciplining Your Children: Are We Doing Enough?

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  • Disciplining Your Children: Are We Doing Enough?

    So I was having a very interesting debate with my friend online. We were discussing the different techniques in which parents may discipline their children when they step out of line. See he felt that talking to your kids and grounding them was the proper way to go about it.

    Well while that's all well and good. Grounding your kids may not do anything depending on the individual, and generally speaking usually it isn't good enough to cement some good values into your child. Talking to your kid about drugs and such is awesome, but most parents wait till their kids are at the age they'll try it- rather than informing them at a young age, and treating them with respect and as equals. See, I believe by treating your children as equals from an early age will help create a good mother/father-son/daughter bond and they'll feel comfortable talking to you about situations throughout their developing years.

    However, and this is where my friend and I broke off into an arguement, I believe discipline must be strict and harsh in certain situations. I don't believe grounding a child really works, because now a days kids got their PS2/Xbox and TV's in their rooms, computers and so on. So what's the option?

    Take away the wires from their electronic devices? Well that will just leave a disgruntled and bitchy child in your hands. No, a good belt will fix things.

    NOW WAIT! Yes, I know what some of you are saying- child abuse! This is what my good friend snapped at me with. So let me give you an example of the differences(from my own personal experience and that of seeing my friends, their behaviour and their attitude towards their parents.)

    Child A is a child who does not get strict discipline. He gets half the formula, but he does not get put in line when he acts extremley out of line.

    Now Child B is a child who gets the full fledged discipline a child needs. Mixed in with love, compassion and understanding with a strict hand to remind a child of a sensation and/or feeling, however you'd like to put it, to show when something is bad and wrong, and should not be done.

    The way I see it, Child A gets told off, grounded and plays the new Madden football game in his room and he doesnt learn anything. He is getting rewarded 100% of the time, with no repercussions- and I mean SERIOUS repercussions for his misbehaviour. Thus, Child A does not learn a thing.

    Child B, he slowly begins to see a pattern. When he does good, his parent rewards him. May it be an ice cream, a movie, that new video game which he'll have earned through good behaviour and steady, consistent grades in school. And when he does something bad he knows he'll get smacked or spanked on the bottom with a belt a few times. This will in turn, after a few trials and errors be in the back of his mind.

    So when Child A decides to act out of line, he knows his parent will only tell him off and he'll just be stuck in his room where he can watch TV or play a video game.

    Child B will put thought into his course of action, because he will be able to foresee a consequence he does not want to go through.

    So when Child B is bad, his parent will let him know they are disappointed and tell him he knows he must be disciplined.

    Child A, when bad, will be told the same thing but then sent to his room. Now if Parent A wants to make sure Child A doesn't play video games and/or watch TV, and they take the wires away- more likely than not Child A will throw a hissy fit, scream at their parents, cuss at them showing the utmost disrespect. So generally speaking, what does Parent A do? Before Child A begins throwing things, Parent A will GIVE IN to Child A.

    What does this teach their child? NOT A DAMN THING! The ONLY thing that this child will now know is, if he bitches enough he'll get what he wants.

    Now, Child B. Child B will hace recieved a good talking to, and a spanking and be on his way and know: "Okay, I do this, that happens." So hopefully they won't repeat their mistakes. Now if they do, slowly you add to the punishment. Again, talk with your child. Don't JUST spank them, but talk to them about their decisions and actions, explain why it was bad, spanking and then grounding. The difference here is, when Parent B takes Child B's toys away(may they be action figures or electronics), Child B will not throw a trantrum. Oh, will he/she give out a big sigh and a "Humph" as they sit down into boredom or doing their homework? Yes, they will. But they'll already know, they're in enough trouble and to bitch wouldn't be doing them any favors. Cause they WON'T get what they want, instead they could be in even deeper trouble.

    Now my good friend said that's simple child abuse, "old, out dated and barbaric" parenting.

    However the point I am trying to make is, there must be balance. There must be balance.

    Simply talking to your child WILL NOT WORK.

    Simply grounding your child WILL NOT WORK.

    Simply beating your child WILL NOT WORK.

    All of the above, used by themselves will have adverse and troubling effects to your child in the future. They will resent you for the beatings or mock you for your attempts at discipline with grounding.

    Combining all three, and setting up a reward system is great.

    Reward your child for good deeds. Discipline for bad.

    Your child comes home with a C+ on their math test. Don't JUST say, "oh at least you tried I'm proud anyways." Say that, and HELP THEM to understand their mathematics better.

    It goes for everything.

    To be a good parent, you need balance.

    And I'm making this thread, because I truly believe 90% of the parents today are NOT good parents because they give in to their childs too easily, or beat them senseless and put them down which is child abuse.

    I am 17 years old, and I got beat when I was a kid with a belt or smacked. It made me turn out pretty good cause my mother would tell me she's happy with an English spelling test or whatever, but smack me if I was an idiot and doing bad things. I am now already able to see the benefits, but also able to see the consequences of bad parenting I've seen in other kids I've known.

    So I pose to you. Do you agree with me? Or do you have any arguements to the just talking, just grounding or just beating part of it? Do you think a child can do good with 2/3 of them? Or 1/3?

    I look forward to seeing some of the reponses. (and damn, I was waiting for something to come to me to contribute to this forum since I usually just read everyone's threads and responses, and it finally came to me too! hah! )

  • #2
    Incompetent parents have been hitting their kids since humanity started.. They will always be around, but that's not how you raise a kid. You have to raise a kid right from infancy, teach them right away what is right and wrong.. If you do that you should never have to hit your kid. And taking shit away does nothing, tv, computer, whatever, doesn't do shit.


    • #3
      Yeah taking away things dont do nothing. Balance is key man. That's it. A lot of parents just do too much of one thing.

      see telling your kids and them following 100% would be good. However outside influences will sway them easily.

      Television. Music.(Only on impressionable 3-7 year olds though. After that your kid should know, and this is an excuse. E.g. 16 year old kid shooting at cars cause of GTA)

      Other kids especially. Peer pressure will throw those talks out to shit, remember that.


      • #4
        Discipline, essentially means "to teach", it involves much more than corrective actions such as corporal punishment and so forth.

        The problem today in our Society is multi-facted:

        1) The parents are becoming younger and younger, and in most cases, children themselves mentally speaking

        2) Most kids grow up in a single-family household, so they do not get a chance to see how a properly-functioning family works

        3) The cost of living pretty much kills any chance of one parent staying home to watch their children and to monitor their development.

        Child-rearing is complex. While physical punishment may work on one child, it may have the opposite effect on the other. A smart parent learns to adjust to the needs of their children. If I have any advice for those thinking of having children, it's this: It has to start young. A child must learn the boundaries of their existence, and most importantly, learn to be happy with it. If this is not established at a very early age, it can be an uphill fight for the parents later in the child's life.

        While I'm not necessarily against physical discipline, I do believe that it should be used as a last resort, not as a first. Some parents of young children slap them at the first sign of disobedience. This can cause problems later on in life because the child starts to think that physical conflict solves problems. It's counter-productive to expect your kids to be peacable when you're not setting the example as the parent.


        • #5
          Nice, valid points. Good post.


          • #6
            As a parent, you must take control of your kids. That is how I was raised, and I hated it at the time. Looking back, now that I am an adult (well, 19 aint too old) Im glad my mother and father raised me strict. This was the rules...

            1. None of this "I'll be home at 11 dad (although I could do that when I was like 16)". My parents had to know what it was EXACTLY I was doing, and who I hung out with. They knew who the stoner crowd was, and I was to be no where near them.

            2. I used to get spanked when I was younger for mis-behaving. It kept me in line.

            3. Manditory to attend Church on Sunday's. I would dress up nice and sit there for an hour and a half while my other friends played on Sunday mornings or slept in. Church teach's your children good moral value's, so they dont end up all out of wack.

            Im going to raise my kids the same way.


            • #7
              not to stray off topic, but is that supposed to be a swastica in your avatar?


              • #8
                Originally posted by SlamboS
                not to stray off topic, but is that supposed to be a swastica in your avatar?
                Apparently he thinks Feminism and Fascism are the same thing...


                • #9
                  it's off Maddox's site.

                  It's saying Feminism is just far out there and as bad as fascism. Here...


                  this is the page I got it from.

                  Originally posted by whereismarshall
                  Apparently he thinks Feminism and Fascism are the same thing...
                  not the SAME thing. They're as shitty as each other.

                  EDIT: I decided to change it. I don't want people thinking I support Nazi's, although that's not what the avatar means as it's just a joke. But eh, better to stop an instigation before a problem starts.
                  Last edited by Delinquent Faith; 08-31-2005, 11:05 PM.


                  • #10
                    Hmm... good thread I agree with most of the points such as you need to have balance if you want to raise your kid the right way. But than again each child is different and unique in themselves so I think it depends on the childern themselves too. Because possibly for every jumpy, unruly child there is a quiet, compliant child. With each case, I think you need to develop a good relationship and set a clear paradigm of what's good/bad, acceptable/unacceptable... but if they don't concur......you can always use the dragon kick!

                    Last edited by Cryptic; 09-02-2005, 12:09 AM.


                    • #11
                      Oviously not cos am in Computin class am not meant 2 be on the computer now an someboby just asked the teacher if she had taken her pills today.


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