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My First Time Asking D12 Ladies For Advice - Input Appreciated

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  • My First Time Asking D12 Ladies For Advice - Input Appreciated

    It's kind of funny how a bunch of the guys here ask women for advice in this forum, but I guess it could be a decent resource, so here goes.

    Firstly, this doesn't apply exactly to me (I don't want to give out too much information, but I haven't been to jail, my situation is different), but I have thought about it a lot, and this is analogous enough to my situation that I think that the answer could serve my purpose without me having to say more about myself than necessary.

    Say that the guy you were going out with had been in jail for a decent amount of time (like two years or so). At what point in a serious relationship (or a relationship that had the potential to be serious) would you want him to tell you this? It would seem, from the perspective of the person telling this, that it shouldn't be too soon for the following reasons:

    1 - I wouldn't want the person I'm telling it to to base their entire judgment of me on this incident in the past, especially if I had made a change in lifestyle.

    2 - It is bound to change the way the person thinks about me.

    However, it seems that I shouldn't wait too long either, as the shock of something this big in my past being withheld from my gf for so long would be pretty upsetting. Also it is something that if told would explain some of my behavior, imperfections, etc.

    I really haven't had to worry about it because I have not been in a relationship that I really was interested in making last long term until recently. So at what point would you want to know (still using the jail analogy)? Thanks, and any help is appreciated.
    Last edited by 2ndroundko; 10-22-2004, 09:29 AM.
    Oh its true, its true

  • #2
    if it got to 3months then i would say something but i dont really no bcoz i have neva bin in that situation
    man united


    every 1 add my new msn addy [email protected]

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    • #3
      It's hard to say an exact number of course and since you haven't cleared up at all almost about what your situation is (but I respect that), here is what I think, using your jail analogy.

      Since as far as I understood the relationship you have with this girl are far from the 'flower-candies' stage already, I think you shouldn't delay telling something as important as two-year jail imprisonment any longer. The girl should be aware of this fact and give her some time to chew it over. Give her the proof that you have changed your life after that. If it also explains your weird behavior or reactions in some situations (still, it's hard to tell not knowing what the original problem is), it would become much more easier for her to understand you. And generally, if you'll overcome this together, again TOGETHER, you'll make a perfect couple.

      I wish you good luck and hope I helped anyhow.
      Natalie
      What is madness, but our ability to see other people as they see themselves but not as other people see them?

      Comment


      • #4
        hahahhAha u pussee 4 askin bisshes 4 advyce dawwg!!!111!!!1
        NEPatriots 3x World Champions
        UNC Basketball 5x National Champions
        Charlotte Bobcats UHHHHHHH

        Comment


        • #5
          I would like to know before someone else told me......Like one of his friends.
          Before you go to getting mad, think of the best FrEak that you ever had. (D)

          Comment


          • #6
            Originally posted by Luis T.
            hahahhAha u pussee 4 askin bisshes 4 advyce dawwg!!!111!!!1

            lol, shut up sucka.


            poste restante, I appreciate the help. Of course I wasn't looking for a definite period of time (ie days or months), and I realize its kind of difficult to say without actually explaining the situation, but like I said, having thought it over, I think the jail analogy is pretty decent. Since I would rather not give up too much information about myself on the board I was willing to get imperfect advice due to lack of knowledge of the real situation. The thing is, I want to tell her of course, but am obviously concerned about the reaction considering the way I feel about her. I don't want to mess up a relationship that I think has honest potential, but I know that its necessary to get this out sometime.

            Anyone else that has anymore advice, I am certainly willing to hear it. Particularly how you would react if someone told you this (still using the jail analogy).
            Oh its true, its true

            Comment


            • #7
              You cant put it in a timeframe, as relationnships grew at a different pace for everyone, but I think the moment you feel that this person is special then that is the right moment. Some girls will leave you no matter what and others will see that this person has changed and will support him.

              Comment


              • #8
                ^you are so fucking annoying

                so back on the subject.. i think you would know when the time's right and it depends on the girl you're with and her reactions to a lot of things. i think after a while of getting to know her even more, you'll kinda know when it's the right time to tell he about your past. otherwise if you don't have any idea, i think you shouldn't leave it for too long because if it's left for too long, it could annoy her even more.. think about how you're going to say it first of course, and explain how you've changed for the good..
                i hope this helps a bit
                Bang-bang when i chitty-chitty

                Comment


                • #9
                  Okay, thanks for the suggestions.

                  Another question though, how do you honestly think you would react to someone telling you something like this?
                  Oh its true, its true

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    If I was with someone and they proved to be a great guy, his past would not bother me in the least.

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      ^ yeah, same with me. If I see that the guy has changed, it won't matter.
                      But it would cause some thinking no doubt.
                      Natalie
                      What is madness, but our ability to see other people as they see themselves but not as other people see them?

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        Originally posted by 2ndroundko
                        It's kind of funny how a bunch of the guys here ask women for advice in this forum, but I guess it could be a decent resource, so here goes.

                        Firstly, this doesn't apply exactly to me (I don't want to give out too much information, but I haven't been to jail, my situation is different), but I have thought about it a lot, and this is analogous enough to my situation that I think that the answer could serve my purpose without me having to say more about myself than necessary.

                        Say that the guy you were going out with had been in jail for a decent amount of time (like two years or so). At what point in a serious relationship (or a relationship that had the potential to be serious) would you want him to tell you this? It would seem, from the perspective of the person telling this, that it shouldn't be too soon for the following reasons:

                        1 - I wouldn't want the person I'm telling it to to base their entire judgment of me on this incident in the past, especially if I had made a change in lifestyle.

                        2 - It is bound to change the way the person thinks about me.

                        However, it seems that I shouldn't wait too long either, as the shock of something this big in my past being withheld from my gf for so long would be pretty upsetting. Also it is something that if told would explain some of my behavior, imperfections, etc.

                        I really haven't had to worry about it because I have not been in a relationship that I really was interested in making last long term until recently. So at what point would you want to know (still using the jail analogy)? Thanks, and any help is appreciated.
                        TELL HER WHENEVER THE FUCK YOU ARE COMFORTABLE ENOUGH
                        IF YOUR COMFORTABLE TELLIN HER SHIT THEN DO IT
                        DONT BE A BITCH BOY
                        RECONIZE BITCH!

                        dammmmmmmmmmmmm!
                        ->http://pic14.picturetrail.com/VOL527...8/70680696.jpg

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          Originally posted by GALLAGHER
                          TELL HER WHENEVER THE FUCK YOU ARE COMFORTABLE ENOUGH
                          IF YOUR COMFORTABLE TELLIN HER SHIT THEN DO IT
                          DONT BE A BITCH BOY
                          Thanks for the quality advice
                          Oh its true, its true

                          Comment


                          • #14
                            my ex was in jail for 2 and a half years. he told me about it the first time i met him, which i appreciated ... it didnt make any difference to what i thought of him, I wouldnt normally judge someone on something they've done in the past anyway... if the relationship is worth it, then it wont matter anyway
                            irc.ganjagurus.com

                            www.ganjagurus.com
                            www.cannabuzz.co.uk

                            Comment


                            • #15
                              be up front and honest.

                              I know from my stand point and with you using the jail analogy... my fiance of 2 years is in prison. him and I have known each other for 6 years but were never together 'til after he went to jail. like I said, I knew him. I love him with every part of me. that does not matter one bit that he is in jail. I don't care for what... whatever the situation - I love him and have stood by him and will continue to.

                              see what I am saying? this girl likes you... LOVES you... nothing will matter.

                              BE HONESTTTT!!! you hold that back... it will not look good at all. HONESTY!

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