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  • Pickup Lines

    If you were a door i'd bang you all night

    post your favourites!
    finally figured out how to edit out my old signature

  • #2
    excuse me you dropped something..... my jaw

    heard it on family guy lol
    Originally posted by whereismarshall
    Yeah tell us about your dick homie, we like that.

    Comment


    • #3
      Hitting on Chicks at the Grocery Store
      I always hit on random women at the grocery store. Its fun, for two reasons:

      1 - Women don’t expect to be hit on at the grocery store. Its not like they’re sitting in a martini bar, all made up and just waiting to shoot you down. They’re walking around in the grocery store, sans makeup, and clad in sweatpants. The playing field is level.

      2- I tend to have the most success hitting on girls using my sense of humor to break the ice, and let’s face it - foodstuffs are hilarious. They offer limitless opportunity for hilarity.

      Here are some actual things I’ve said to women the grocery store over the past half a year. Most of the time, I’m so fucking hilarious, they don’t get the joke.

      To the girl behind me at the deli -

      Hit - “You’d better just move along and come back later. I’m going to get a half pound of everything, so it’ll be awhile.”

      Response - Blank stare.

      (The deli counter - a pretty intense arena of social intercourse. Step lightly. Step quickly. Step into the night, young man.)


      To a girl walking around with only broccoli in her cart -

      Hit - “Whoa! Take it easy! How did you get that all into one cart? Are you cooking for an army or something?”

      Response - She actually walked out of the store. Just put the broccoli back, and walked out. Quickly.

      To a girl in sweatpants when I was wearing a suit and tie after a job interview -

      Hit - “Whoa, you’re WAY underdressed.”

      Response - Blank Stare

      To the girl standing next to me when I was buying Reddi Wip-

      Hit - Wanna do a Whippet? I’ll totally stand “lookout.”

      Response - Blank Stare

      To the girl in the produce section checking out pears -

      Hit - “Its important to find a good pear that will keep for awhile. They’re expensive. Its not like they grow on trees, you know?”

      Response - Blank Stare

      To the girl in the cereal aisle -

      Hit - Who’s sexier? Tony the Tiger, Dig-em, or me?

      Response - “Count fucking Chocula, asshole.”

      (Count Chocula. You sexy bitch.)



      To the girl in Parker’s Market, getting some coffee from the dispenser in the morning in front of me, looking rushed because I’m in line behind her.

      Hit - “Hey no worries. Take your time. I mean, if you fuck up the morning coffee, the rest of your day’s pretty much fucked, right?”

      Response - “Um, No. What are you talking about?”

      To the girl in the canned foods aisle -

      Hit- (I’m holding up a can of Spam in one arm and Spam Lite in the other) “Check this out, a can of Spam and a can of Spam Lite weigh exactly the same. What the fuck is that all about? What kind of racket is Hormel running?”

      Response - Blank Stare

      =(As far as I can tell, the only difference between spam and spam lite is the color of the tin - and I’m never investigting this matter any further by purchasing or injesting spam. Unless someone pays me twenty bucks.)


      To the girl in the medicine/hygiene aisle -

      Hit - What type of K-Y do you use?

      Response - Blank Stare

      (First and foremost, its a social lubricant.)




      To the girl standing in the meat aisle -

      Hit - Hmmm.....Turkey.........They have lots of breasts, but where can a guy get some giblets?

      Response - Walks away, quickly.

      To the girl perusing the Starbucks coffee varieties -

      Hit - I’m a Starbucks drinker too. Can I suggest the “Morning After” blend? Better yet, why don’t we hook up and try it sometime?

      Response - Pepper Spray.




      (Incidentally, this is the Starbucks “Night Before” blend. Its fair to say Starbucks is such a sucessful firm because they prepare for every contingency.)



      To the girl loading a jug of apple cider into her cart -

      Hit - Have you ever tried hot apple cider? It warms your soul on a cold night. In fact, I know a great recipe for Hot Dickens's Cider. Would you like to try it sometime?

      Response - She just kicked my ass.

      Obviously, the grocery store is where its at.

      http://notesandjottings.typepad.com/
      My other aliases:
      justp1ayin
      West
      Masai
      On The Shelf

      Originally posted by Nasen
      i seeth for a minute
      Originally posted by Derty JaSoN
      i have no clue who was de-re whatever

      Comment


      • #4
        ^LMAO, did make them up?

        Nice shoes....












































































































        Wanna fuck?
        To the British, I'm Ghandi/
        To the Japanese I'm an American pilot flyin over Nagasaki/
        To the AIDS patient I'm your last antibody/
        Sittin and waitin for a cure from modern biology/


        -Canibus

        Comment


        • #5
          I'm not Fred Flinstone but i'll make your Bed-rock!
          Soundclick.com/kilowattbeats
          Myspace.com/kilowattbeats

          Comment


          • #6
            what up legs tits n ass?(H)
            "i wish one of you guys had children for i could kick them in the fuckin head or stomp on their testicles!" - mike tyson

            Comment


            • #7
              hey girl you got mirrors in ya pants, cuz i see me in em

              Comment

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