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  • Nerd Jokes!

    Q: How does a mathematician deal with constipation?

    A: He works it out with a pencil.
    _______________________________________________

    Physics Saves Lives

    As part of the standard curriculum in a pre-med college, the
    students had to take a difficult class in physics. One day, the
    professor was discussing a particularly complicated concept. Part
    way through the class, a student rudely interrupted to ask, "Why do
    we have to learn this stuff?"

    "To save lives," the professor responded quickly and continued the
    lecture.

    A few minutes later, the same student spoke up again. "So how does
    physics save lives?" he persisted.

    "It usually keeps idiots like you out of medical school,"
    replied the professor.
    ________________________________________________

    To celebrate Halloween, all the math teachers and professors got together for a big costume party. Each dressed up as their favorite math function.

    One particularly mean and eccentric math professor dressed up as the derivative. He ran up to the teacher dressed as cos(x) and yelled "I derive you!" The teacher tore off his costume and scurried off looking for a -sin(x) costume.

    The prof ran up to another teacher who was dressed as 4x^5 and yelled "I derive you!" The teacher tore off his costume and went scurrying off, looking for a 20x^4 costume.

    The prof ran up to a 3rd teacher and screamed "I derive you!" The teacher just stood there with his arms crossed. "Didn't you hear me?! I DERIVE YOU!" he shouted. Again, the teacher stood there, but with a smug expression on his face. "I derive you! I derive you! I derive you!" the professor shouted while jumping up and down. The teacher looked at him and said "derive me all you want. I'm e^x."
    (sorry, lolz)
    __________________________________________________

    In biology class, the professor was discussing the high glucose levels found in semen. A female freshman raised her hand and asked, "If I understand you, you're saying there is a lot of glucose, as in sugar, in semen?"

    "That's correct," responded the professor, going on to add statistical info.

    Raising her hand again, the girl asked, "Then why doesn't it taste sweet?"

    After a stunned silence, the class burst out laughing, the poor girl's face turned bright red, and as she realised exactly what she had inadvertently said (or rather implied), she picked up her books without a word and walked out of class, never to return.

    However as she was going out the door, the Prof's reply was classic.

    Totally straight-faced he answered her question:
    "It doesn't taste sweet because the taste buds for sweetness are on the tip of your tongue and not the back of your throat."
    Hell Yeah I'm South African...bring on the hate!

  • #2
    LOL at the last one...


    True Story:

    My Biology professor for Human Sexuality was telling us a story of what happened in a different Biology class he had while they were in the lab at 8 A.M. He had everyone take a sample from inside their mouth and put it on a slide, and then examine it. He said one girl was like "Why's mine moving?!" So he walked over and said "Well, that's because this is sperm, what did YOU do this morning?!" LOL he said the whole class was dying....he had our class dying just from the story. That must've been hella embarrassing LOL.

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    • #3
      ^

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