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  • Roc Behind-The-Scenes

    Got this from another site...still fuckin hilarious

    Roc-A-Scenes: Gold is Old

    [Jay-Z and Dame Dash are in the den, smoking cigars... they're deciding who chooses the next line of Roc-A-Wear clothing over a game of rock-paper-scissors... Bleek walks in looking extremely distressed]

    Bleek: Ayo, I got a problem...
    Jay: HAHA Rock beats scissors niccuuuh!
    Dame: Man, I got titanium scissors... that NASA shit. It cuts through rock n*gga.
    Jay: How you gonna pick scissors anyway? You know I'ma go with rock. This the ROC niccuh! I always go with rock.
    Dame: Whatever
    Bleek: Hello??
    Jay: We been playin this since 95 and I go with rock every single time.
    Dame: I know... I-- I just keep thinkin you gonna switch it up and go with paper every time.
    Bleek: HELLO?!?
    Jay: N*gga I got enough paper, forreal.
    Dame: haha no doubt. HOLLA!
    Jay: HOLLA!
    Bleek: YO!!
    Dame: C'mon Jay, let's go another round...
    Jay: You know the rules... don't be a sore loser.
    Bleek: *mumbles* Oh like you was after Ether came out.
    Jay: *turns to Bleek* WHAT!??
    Bleek: I said... like that faggot Nas was after you killed him with Super Ugly.
    Jay: N*gga what do you want?
    Bleek: I was just wondering... um... if it's not too much trouble--
    Jay: It is. *turns back to Dame*
    Dame: HAHA Jay you wrong!
    Bleek: Man when my album comin out?
    Jay: When you put it out n*gga.
    Bleek: What?
    Jay: You gonna do your cover, press up the CDs, ship 'em out to record stores?
    Bleek: ... ... Nah, that's--
    Jay: Then shut the fuck up and wait til we ready to.
    Bleek: You foul dawg. You know that ain't right. I been down since day one.
    Jay: Bleek, don't I let you drive the best cars... rock all the best ***elry?
    Bleek: They all your old stuff! I want my own shit, this gold not even in style no more man.
    Jay: Oh, it's not in style? Well give it back then *motions for Bleek to give him his ring*
    Bleek: *clutches onto his ring like Smeagol* Nah, it's cool. I just want what everybody--
    Freeway: *walks in and starts talking over Bleek* What up Jay, Dames..
    Jay and Dame: HOLLA!
    Freeway: Ayo, I gotta kill a witness. My beard was stickin out.
    Dame: AGAIN??
    Freeway: Yeeeeeaaaah
    Dame: Aight, just tells Biggs. He'll take care of it. Don't even sweat that.
    Freeway: Cool... *turns to Bleek*
    Bleek: what up man
    Freeway: *turns to Jay and Dame* HAHAHA
    Jay and Dame: HAHAHA
    Freeway: *walks away laughing*
    Bleek: See man, n*ggas don't even show me respect. When I had that witness problem, y'all n*ggas made me handle it myself.
    Jay and Dame: *turn away from Bleek and start discussing trivial shit*
    Bleek: Man I'm tired of this shit! I'ma start my own label... and then I'ma be the boss. I'ma be the controller of my own destiny. Then... then I won't have to answer to nobody.

    [After 15 minutes of ranting, Bleek finally looks up and realizes he's no longer in the den at all. The conveyor belt under the carpet has dragged him across the house and out the back door.]


    Roc-A-Scene Vol.8: Your Future Was Bleek

    All of the label's roster and staff are in a rich ***'s mansion, somewhere in a New England town you never heard of. This spot is often used for video shoots and tours to impress investors, but today everyone's gathered for a celebration.


    Jay: Everybody settle down, I have an announcement to make.
    *crowd looks up*
    Jay: College Dropout, Roc-A-Fella's first official release since The Black Album, is a huge success. Kanye, you did 450,000 your first week. You's a genius n*gga.
    Crowd: *applauds*
    Bleek: ....the FUCK?
    Jay: This is very important news for the Roc. A lot of people said we couldn't do it after I retired, but Kanye is proof that Roc-A-Fella is the army. First official album to drop after mine already on its way to platinum. We will not lose!
    Young Chris: Yessssss
    Bleek: first official release?
    Crowd: *applauds*
    Dame: Man, I'll be the first to admit... when I first heard Kanye rap, I thought he was trash.
    Bleek: still is
    Dame: But then he started showin that hunger that I get from all the other rappers on the Roc. Jay
    Jay: *nods*
    Dame: Cam
    Cam: Holla
    Dame: Young Gunz
    Young Chris: Yessssss
    Dame: Beans
    ........
    Dame: Where's Beanie?
    Freeway: He had to ROCK a n*gga last night, URLY! He's in central now... Biggs went to go bail him.
    Young Chris: Chea
    Dame: Oh okay... *surprisingly not surprised* anyway, we've got a history of great artists on the Roc, leading all the way back to our first official signing, with Beans back in 98.
    Bleek: the fuck?!?
    Dame: And I just wanna say... anything's possible over here. Kanye, why don't you say a few words.
    *crowd cheers*
    Kayne: Aw man, I'm speechless... I don't even know what to say. Uh... I'M KILLIN Y'ALL N*GGAS ON THAT LYRICAL SHIT, MAYONNAISE COLOR BENZ I PUSH MIRACLE WHIPS! *goofy ass grin*
    *crowd laughs*
    Bleek: Man, what the-- this n*gga done said that shit 800 gazillion times. Fuck this n*gga son.
    Kanye: I can't believe it...seemed like it was only yesterday-- (Kanye's speech fades down while Bleek's disappointment grows louder in his head)
    Bleek: I mean what the fuck son?! You said yourself you was ridin the train when you wrote that line. You a fake ass n*gga and you know it yourself. Up here grinnin like a bitch... like, like shit is a game. It ain't a fuckin GAME.
    Kanye: and that's all I gotta say man. It's the Roc!
    *crowd cheers*
    Jay: Hey Just, you gonna start spittin next, ha?
    *crowd laughs*
    Just Blaze: Jus Blaaaaaaaze
    Young Chris: Yesssssss
    Dame: So congrats to Kanye... everyone enjoy the Armadale. It's on the house.

    *crowd goes back to celebrating, with one lonely exception*

    Bleek: *depressed, walks over to Just Blaze* Hey man, what you smokin on?
    Just Blaze: Jus Blaaaaaaaze
    Bleek: Cool, gimme a hit of that. *puffs* You real into music and shit... In your opinion, what does Kanye have that I don't?
    Just Blaze: Jus Blaaaaaaaze
    Bleek: So you sayin he just got that spark?
    Just Blaze: Jus Blaaaaaaaze
    Bleek: I don't see it man. I know I rap better than this n*gga. I know I'm realer than this n*gga. I mean look at this mother fucker. (camera pans up Kanye while Bleek breaks it down) ...$400 designer shoes... some cheap, faded ass jeans.. n*gga didn't buy 'em like that. I saw them shits when they were still blue son. And a striped polo that don't match shit in this whole room. This n*gga walkin round lookin like a European fag model son.
    Just Blaze: Jus Blaaaaaaaze
    Bleek: What's that n*gga that play the elf on Lord of the Rings?
    Just Blaze: Jus Blaaaaaaaze
    Bleek: Yeah man, I saw this n*gga rockin the same shit on the cover of some magazine, lookin like a bitch. And now this n*gga in the same get up. He a disgrace to everything the Roc stood for when I got here. Now he poppin shit like he at the top of the food chain. You feel me?
    Just Blaze: Jus Blaaaaaaaze
    Bleek: I think I'ma steal on this n*gga son, right in his busted ass jaw. I'ma rip this faggot n*gga's mouth off and he can make a song about that shit.
    Just Blaze: Jus Blaaaaaaaze
    Bleek: You right, you right. This ain't the time or the place. I gotta catch this n*gga on the humble.
    Just Blaze: Jus Blaaaaaaaze
    Bleek: I hate this n*gga son. That's my word. If this n*gga ever say shit to me, I'ma have him spittin through a casket, you heard? Look, here come that bitch ass n*gga right now.
    Kanye: *walks up to Bleek and Blaze* what up n*ggas?
    Bleek: Sup
    Just Blaze: Jus Blaaaaaaaze
    Kanye: I just wanna thank y'all for showin me love tonight.
    Bleek: Well you know, it's Roc-A-Fella for life. We family.
    Kanye: Exactly
    Bleek: Everybody get their lil 15 minutes of fame, no matter what. Enjoy it.
    Kanye: Yup... Bleek, you're one hit away! *pats Bleek's shoulder, and walks away laughing*
    Bleek: *grinds his teeth and literally turns red*
    Just Blaze: Jus Blaaaaaaaze!
    Bleek: AYO! EVERYBODY! Listen up! I got a announcement to make!
    *everybody stops what they're doing*
    Bleek: *surprised everyone listened* .... uh....
    *blank stares*
    Bleek: Last night, I got in a car acc- a PLANE accident. A plane crash... and I almost died...so I'ma take 50-- 100 Gs of my own money and shoot a video!
    *crowd is already back to ignoring him*

    Posh Spice: *walks up to Bleek laughing* That was a great story. I don't know how Dame does it...
    Bleek: does what?
    Posh Spice: Find all this talent. Rappers, producers, now even the waiters are entertainers. *hands Bleek her empty glass and walks off*
    Bleek: BITCH! what the FUCK son?!? Aight, I ain't never wearin a suit again.
    If your life is easy, you're doing something wrong.

  • #2
    Lol taht shit neva gets old..but yo i gota question??what site u get that shit from??
    _____=+| 30-4, 25KO |+=_____

    *23 Straight KO Wins* Still Waiten for someone to match that

    * ReTiReD *

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    • #3
      I saw it posted up at the forums at HipHopDx.com. So I pasted it in here.
      If your life is easy, you're doing something wrong.

      Comment


      • #4
        good stuff
        q

        [SIZE=1][B]
        [COLOR=DimGray]l
        43-2-35

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        • #5
          lol. funny shit.

          Comment


          • #6
            lmao that was funny

            Comment


            • #7
              Dope
              Englishman

              I . O . M

              Illest On Mics

              " Eye Of The Storm, My Tears Fall In The Torrential Downpour//
              The Flood, Ya Deathwish
              WRITTEN IN BLOOD " - Jehst

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