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Jesus wants you to fuck me

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  • Jesus wants you to fuck me

    Reply to: [email protected]
    Date: Thu Mar 10 09:35:37 2005


    You're a really, really sweet girl. I knew when I met you at that party last year that you were different, but I wan't sure how. You were really hot, one of the only other sober people there, and you speak spanish, which I enjoy thoroughly. We had a nice chat, I got your number and my friend Anne has emailed me no less than three times telling me you ask about me a lot. I was psyched to meet up with you the other night, and you looked so hot, again.

    But your a Jesus freak. I mean, I know about the guy, and I think it's cool to have a spritual side and all, but you're really all about him, aren't you? It took about 5 minutes for me to realize that we were going to talk about god all night. And I really tried to sympathize with your faith that Jesus gave you a second chance at life after a rough childhood. I was struggling to find encouraging things to say, and I held my toungue pretty well. But here's the deal:

    I don't believe in god, babe. Nope, not even an inkling. I'm what you call an Atheist, because your organization needs a word to describe people who don't believe what you believe. Atheist is a newer, kinder word. I would have been a heretic, sinner, witch, blasphemer or satanist had we met in another century, but now, I'm an atheist. Or secular humanist, or, as I like to say, normal. And, sadly, you're in a cult. A Messianic cult, which may be better than some other cults, but it's still a cult, and you're completely brainwashed. I mean, there's very little room in your thinking for any kind of science, let alone philosophy or literature that isn't written in praise of your Leader, and that just sucks, conversationally speaking. I mean we can't really talk about anything without your ultimate arbiter coming into play, at which point the conversation is over. Here's an example from the other night:

    What do I say then? You trump everything with the J man, and I have to change the subject, because to debate the issue is to bring up your faith, which is pretty much not debatable. I mean, sure, I could just say I believe this because a magic pie I worship tells me so, but where would that leave us? Pretty much right here.

    The toughest part is, all of your holiness is really getting in the way of my porno titfuck fantasy of you. I mean, I really want to do this, it's completely absorbing my thoughts lately, but I feel like Jesus is standing between me and my desire to make love to your breasts. I can almost see his face right in your cleavage saying, No! You will not fuck these titties, non-believer!

    So, since nobody really knows what Jesus would do anyway, I'm enlisting the Son of God to get me on your tits. And here's my plan: I'm going to play along with your Jesus land fanstasy for a bit, and slowly convince you that, yes, Jesus wants us to get freaky. Any act that inspires you to yell his name in ecstasy HAS to be god's will. So, baby, let's fuck for Jesus.

    Amen.

  • #2
    Did you fuckers see that dear? I swear that fucker was the faintest shade of teal!
    RIP Big Proof

    Comment


    • #3
      If you really think people are going to read all that, then you deserve to be thrown naked into an all male jail filled with serial killers and sadists. Then we'll give them a bunch of 12 inch sharp objects and let 'em loose on your ass.

      While I broadcast it for the internet and so I can stroke my dick to it.

      Comment


      • #4
        Stewie: "And while were at it why don't we light up a doobie and watch porn?"
        Peter: "y-yeah?"
        Originally posted by BIZZY BONE
        Puttin' a pistol to my brain, one second before I squeeze,
        since I'm A gangster, I'm a put myself on my knees.

        Comment


        • #5
          ive heard my buddies say the same kinda stuff to me, they never emailed the girl saying it before tho, lol.....i doubt she will go for it tho
          Last edited by Skinny B; 09-06-2005, 05:24 PM.
          Super Bowl XLI Champions

          Indianapolis Colts

          XBox Live Tag:
          GlazedJasonMask

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          • #6
            not gonna read it because im not your myspace friend
            no homo
            W T F
            http://d12world.com/board/showthread...a2c42&t=247875

            Comment


            • #7
              just to let you know im only fucking around
              dont give a fuckkkkkkkkkkkkkk
              Peace
              Last edited by Head Phones; 09-06-2005, 05:18 PM.
              http://d12world.com/board/showthread...a2c42&t=247875

              Comment


              • #8
                "I'm what you call an Atheist"
                .
                Originally posted by BIZZY BONE
                Puttin' a pistol to my brain, one second before I squeeze,
                since I'm A gangster, I'm a put myself on my knees.

                Comment


                • #9
                  slim i love the new avy, even better than your last!
                  Super Bowl XLI Champions

                  Indianapolis Colts

                  XBox Live Tag:
                  GlazedJasonMask

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    Originally posted by Payne
                    The toughest part is, all of your holiness is really getting in the way of my porno titfuck fantasy of you. I mean, I really want to do this, it's completely absorbing my thoughts lately, but I feel like Jesus is standing between me and my desire to make love to your breasts. I can almost see his face right in your cleavage saying, No! You will not fuck these titties, non-believer!

                    That's damn right funny.


                    Oh, and this reminds me of a riduculously horrible film called "Saved!" where the girl convinces him that God wants them to fuck, then she gets pregnant.. and he winds up gay.
                    <--------- I got a Shady_Gangsta original.. yeah!

                    (somebulls -=CCDF=- (somebulls

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      Originally posted by Skinny Bizzles
                      slim i love the new avy, even better than your last!
                      thanx, Im glad you like it
                      Originally posted by BIZZY BONE
                      Puttin' a pistol to my brain, one second before I squeeze,
                      since I'm A gangster, I'm a put myself on my knees.

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        dont listen to slim HES BAD FOR YOU!

                        headphones = douche? i didnt know that was you; send a request again and ill add ya

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          ^i repped ya back.. but forgot to leave my name..
                          <--------- I got a Shady_Gangsta original.. yeah!

                          (somebulls -=CCDF=- (somebulls

                          Comment


                          • #14
                            Payne wants Jesus to fuck him.
                            no dough ho, you can't fuck with me!

                            Comment


                            • #15
                              my dick turned green when the hulk movie finished.
                              =W=
                              My other aliases:
                              On The Shelf
                              Masai
                              justp1ayin
                              TheMan

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