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i need help improving good people preferred i wanna get better check this please

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  • i need help improving good people preferred i wanna get better check this please

    yall i need some help....i want sum GOOD people to tell me how i kan improve please cause i wanna get better........so heres a song i wrote called MAKING IT.........so leave feed please and give help ~uno~

    VERSE 1
    i come out late at nights to give frights and blind ya sight
    cant see me there aint no lights so take this invite as a fight
    pissed off at the earth been haten on it since my day of birth
    as i lurch through the city i search to kill somone of what they lifes worth
    my mind twitches the reason i do this shit is to fuck up all the whack bitches
    so i expose my riches cause life itches in they minds weneva they life switches
    rock a sweater all the time so fuck the weather its wether or not i release this lever
    cause ive gotten a whole lot better since my last kill so take this as a murder letter
    im stronger than ever so watch where your'e walking cause i kome without warning
    keep your eyes open after every corner cause the next thing is your heart ill be storing
    so try and not get into my path or im gonna kill yo ass so fast it wont bring back the past
    this will last as long as i go full blast yall aint ready for me this is just a sample of my wrath

    (CHOROUS)
    i hate everything so im always walking and stalking it
    people think they talk hard when they is only talking shit
    so im here to remind yall that no more am i taking shit
    yall kan keep talkin bout hot careers when your'e mistaking it
    cause on the real yall what ive seen im the only one making it

    VERSE 2
    let me tell you a story of when i was following this person home from work
    i put a knife in him that hung out like an ambilical cord after birth
    it was crazy cause i was laughing and rapping at the same time
    stoles his bills and dimes spread out his red slime over the scene of the crime
    that was just a quick now let me tell yall what upsets me the most
    how friends say they close but stab you in the back outta nowhere like a ghost
    i hate how people kome onto freestylen but people say they suck before they begun
    hatin how they kan you send you to war at eightteen but kant drink till twenty one
    so as i expose all of those things i hate the most i still got one more for this closer
    face it im a true music composer but i hate how people try and rap when they posers


    (CHOROUS)


    just a lil quick song i decided to do....changed it up alot in there...uppin...........and tell me what you think of song and how i kan improve right now? im given rep points for any kind of feed....uppin
    and that is
    ~Lyrical Bloodz~





    when you hear the bottle top pop off you know im coming
    the sound in the backround aint the beat its the people running

  • #2
    punches

    you need punches

    multis

    you need to make your multis more advanced
    bitch please

    Comment


    • #3
      ight thnx dawg......uppin this for more improvment.......ill give ya ur rep too bigmack.....uppin this...
      ~Lyrical Bloodz~





      when you hear the bottle top pop off you know im coming
      the sound in the backround aint the beat its the people running

      Comment


      • #4
        Originally posted by BigMack
        punches

        you need punches

        multis

        you need to make your multis more advanced

        lol where to u come off trying to help someone with fuckin like four words
        E

        "See a vigilante, shoot him till his heart stops
        and send his eyes to the cops in a box for crime watch"
        -Alex The Worm King

        Comment


        • #5
          i just didnt feel like explaning. chill out. i just told him the stuff i thought would make his verses better
          bitch please

          Comment


          • #6
            ok...
            E

            "See a vigilante, shoot him till his heart stops
            and send his eyes to the cops in a box for crime watch"
            -Alex The Worm King

            Comment


            • #7
              ^well making about 1000 of these, id think that ud know what to change. it really seems ya style aint changing really... sum of ur multies are just stuck in their to rhyme, sometimes not really making sense.. U really need some punches and wordplay in here, get some creativity in it.. Punches n wordplay are what do it for me, in these type of things, i dont really care bout the multies as much. weRk oN it faM.. chea ~1~
              Originally posted by McWannaBe
              Yesterday, me and my girl were making out and shit like that. When
              I sucked on one of her boobs, fucking MILK CAME OUT!!


              Project certifiedô

              Comment


              • #8
                ight thnx dawg ~uno~
                ~Lyrical Bloodz~





                when you hear the bottle top pop off you know im coming
                the sound in the backround aint the beat its the people running

                Comment


                • #9
                  well this aint a battle so I cant say u need punches lol...
                  But multis deffinelty help out...
                  Along with wordplay, cuz wordplay shows imagination...
                  Get that down and ull be doin better...
                  Uve worked on ur flow and now its pretty ill so Im sure fixin up some other things wont be 2 hard...
                  Dynasty

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    Need wordplay.. multies is a must, like g h o s t said u dont nessisarilly need punches for songs, but adding a few would be cool..FLOW is also a must (not sayin u didnt have flow, just helpin ya out)
                    Yur Worst Enemy

                    ~ Seeing is believing No One believes me because no one can see me ~


                    "I wreck thru skeptics, wreck-kids with text-bits, and leave emcee's more shaken than epileptics"

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      thnx yall ~uno~


                      see my elevated freestyle (hopefully) i tried to change it up a bit
                      ~Lyrical Bloodz~





                      when you hear the bottle top pop off you know im coming
                      the sound in the backround aint the beat its the people running

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        ghost stole my words. u don't need punches, this is a song, and punches is not your style so dun go addin punches into a song when thats not you. instead work on the multies and i don't mean, addin in stuff like life itches and i see stiches in bitches. i mean like speechless and reach this. also i noticed the fact that ur lines kept gettin longer and longer and longer untill the end of the verse. thats a very easy sign to say u have no flow. each bar may flow together, but they don't flow with the rest of the song. jus try rappin this to a beat i dare ya
                        So SynCerrE
                        \\//ePiC_sKriPTz - --- Faze-d \\//
                        //\\SupraGodCrK White Bread//\\

                        \\//ThaBoyUncut ----*VisioN*\\//
                        //\\--------- D-sicive ---------//\\

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          punches dont really include in a song in some cases ..
                          but elevate with your multies.. i thought the flow was pretty good
                          Walk the path of Jesus, witness if Hell frizzes
                          The mind teases reality, crack the pieces
                          Nothin' eases, bein' chastise with blood baptize
                          Guys revise, acknowledge past lives
                          MF Grimm

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