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Elevating Freestyle (hopefully)

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  • Elevating Freestyle (hopefully)

    my intuition to rhyme definition has gotten me into position to start an expedition
    but my ammunition is runnin on empty like a tank of gas without haven an ignition
    yall want me to give ya word~plays well all i do is play with words anytime of the day
    so dont try and tell me how to do my way because this shit will outline ya like an essay
    im gettin unstable my rhymes are losing power like a poor person not afforden for cable
    wanna start my own lable but to busy "rackin up" bitches like the "balls from a pool table"
    so dont play me like no fool as i rule through school growin up shining like un found ***els
    all im doin is"lyin people 6 feet" underground have them feelin like they in a "swimming pool"
    im sick of this non~sense if i had sum sense i would predict that my shit would be so intense
    but shits getin to dense in suspense that the feed im gettin is "terrible" like the "dolphins offense"
    ive been dashing any wanna be smashing mc's who think what they write is cashing bills
    well like 9/11 they shit is crashing they rhymes im slashing look at me im the one flashing mills
    but still i steal any rhymes i kan reveal off my mind that are so unreal hopen they will be ideal
    but as people seal my deals to try and appeal my work i got em sayin im "electrifying" like "eels"
    well as you kan "see" fuck it you kant see cause you keep "blinking" with lines im thinking of
    im shrinking up this place now because i "affect more teens" than the "average of drinking does"
    so heres a little part of my lecture its gettin more confusen than "kobe bryants" case of "conjecture"
    no ones elevaten better than me and will never forever cause "no letters" can step up to my kind of "TEXTure"
    so through all this sorrow my brain is gettin hollow of writen so many spits hopen people will follow
    so sit back swallow rhymes ya borrowed and remember that i "give more storms" than "the day after tomorrow"
    ~Lyrical Bloodz~





    when you hear the bottle top pop off you know im coming
    the sound in the backround aint the beat its the people running

  • #2
    my intuition to rhyme definition has gotten me into position to start an expedition
    but my ammunition is runnin on empty like a tank of gas without haven an ignition

    ...Not bad-some seemed kinda forced 2 ryhme...

    yall want me to give ya word~plays well all i do is play with words anytime of the day
    so dont try and tell me how to do my way because this shit will outline ya like an essay

    ...Ehh not feelin this 2 much...

    im gettin unstable my rhymes are losing power like a poor person not afforden for cable
    wanna start my own lable but to busy "rackin up" bitches like the "balls from a pool table"

    ...1st line sounds like ya dissin ya own ryhmes...
    ...2nd line has some nice wordplay...

    so dont play me like no fool as i rule through school growin up shining like un found ***els
    all im doin is"lyin people 6 feet" underground have them feelin like they in a "swimming pool"

    ...Not bad-Nice wordplay with the simming pool...

    im sick of this non~sense if i had sum sense i would predict that my shit would be so intense
    but shits getin to dense in suspense that the feed im gettin is "terrible" like the "dolphins offense"

    ...Again sounds like ur dissin urself-but I liked the dolhin wordplay...

    ive been dashing any wanna be smashing mc's who think what they write is cashing bills
    well like 9/11 they shit is crashing they rhymes im slashing look at me im the one flashing mills

    ...Meh...9-11 lines r overused-rest is filler...

    but still i steal any rhymes i kan reveal off my mind that are so unreal hopen they will be ideal
    but as people seal my deals to try and appeal my work i got em sayin im "electrifying" like "eels"

    ...Decent-Nice wordplay with the eels...

    well as you kan "see" fuck it you kant see cause you keep "blinking" with lines im thinking of
    im shrinking up this place now because i "affect more teens" than the "average of drinking does"

    ...Liked the the drinkin line...

    so heres a little part of my lecture its gettin more confusen than "kobe bryants" case of "conjecture"
    no ones elevaten better than me and will never forever cause "no letters" can step up to my kind of "TEXTure"

    ...Meh-Kobe shit is overused...

    so through all this sorrow my brain is gettin hollow of writen so many spits hopen people will follow
    so sit back swallow rhymes ya borrowed and remember that i "give more storms" than "the day after tomorrow"

    ...Nice closer...

    ...Overall-I like it...
    ...Just dont use the lines dissin ya self-and try not 2 force mulits...

    ...Best Line...

    well as you kan "see" fuck it you kant see cause you keep "blinking" with lines im thinking of
    im shrinking up this place now because i "affect more teens" than the "average of drinking does"

    ...Keep Doin Ya Thing...
    Dynasty

    Comment


    • #3
      thnx 4 feed homie i appreciate the break down and i wasnt really tryin to diss myself i was basically tryin to point out that i feel my rhymes have been goin off track so they is unstable...and also the terrible feedback line is that i havent been gettin much good feed they tryin to give me tips on how to get better wen i wanna get better so i believe im gettin bad feed you know what i mean dawg? ight well good lookin out on the feed......uppin
      ~Lyrical Bloodz~





      when you hear the bottle top pop off you know im coming
      the sound in the backround aint the beat its the people running

      Comment


      • #4
        uppin...
        ~Lyrical Bloodz~





        when you hear the bottle top pop off you know im coming
        the sound in the backround aint the beat its the people running

        Comment


        • #5
          Damn Kan I Get Sum Fuckin Feed
          ~Lyrical Bloodz~





          when you hear the bottle top pop off you know im coming
          the sound in the backround aint the beat its the people running

          Comment


          • #6
            it is all good to me i like it
            www.KrumbzOnline.com

            d12world.com<------- u are here when u reall want to be here www.KrumbzWorld.com <--------------sign up here now
            Streets Diciples

            Comment


            • #7
              thnx 4 feed....uppin this...
              ~Lyrical Bloodz~





              when you hear the bottle top pop off you know im coming
              the sound in the backround aint the beat its the people running

              Comment


              • #8
                yO i thought it was pretty aight. u stay wit the multies and shit but i still think u needa spit some tuffer punchlines. but yO u be writin mad verse and shit lol. whateva tho 7.5/10 n1gga holla at me
                Originally posted by JMG
                yeah my shoes were 130 plus tax. i make more money than anyone in here

                Comment


                • #9
                  thnx dawg i dont get it though why do we need punches in a spit? can someone explain that? thnx 4 feed asif.......upin this....
                  ~Lyrical Bloodz~





                  when you hear the bottle top pop off you know im coming
                  the sound in the backround aint the beat its the people running

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    well u dont really need it, my recent spits didnt have them. but its something i like to read or hear. plus u had some punchlines in there as it is, i just wanted to hear some punches that was a lil better, practice makes perfect
                    Originally posted by JMG
                    yeah my shoes were 130 plus tax. i make more money than anyone in here

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      tru tru dawg good lookin out upin this...
                      ~Lyrical Bloodz~





                      when you hear the bottle top pop off you know im coming
                      the sound in the backround aint the beat its the people running

                      Comment

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