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Living Hell (Rep For Feedback)

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  • Living Hell (Rep For Feedback)

    Brain racin', pacin' up and down the cell
    Don't know what to do, it seems I'm trapped in livin' hell
    I hear screams, echoin' from the floor below
    Wardens beatin' us for no reason, makin' the time go slow
    Take their anger out on inmates, unprovoked
    Just last week, I saw a prisoner die, helpless n!gga was choked
    By an angry warden, got problems at home
    Took it out on someone else, now another killer free to roam
    No justice in this world, for a black man
    Criticised and victimised by the system, just because they can
    So now I'm stuck, in this torture
    When ya see things like I do, ya wish ya mom would abort ya
    It don't matter, how long ya servin'
    Life, or 3 months, you shouldalways be observin'
    How to act, what not to do
    Ya could end up like that n!gga, that coulda been you
    They show no mercy, so watch yaself
    Cuz I'm here, I know, I've experienced it myself
    So next time, ya about to offend
    Think about the violence inside, so ya don't hit a dead end
    aka cryptorchild

  • #2
    i think thats really good. i dont have any constructive criticizm though. i really like lines 7 -10
    The sky darkens, my life flashes
    The plane I was supposed to be on crashes
    and falls to ashes

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    • #3
      it was alrite story tellin ish are not the easiest to rap about and have a slick spit wit so props for dat.......i'd give it a 7/10........flow was kinda loose a bit but dats jus me i think...

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      • #4
        it was a real nice story telling job, thas coo. BUt yeah, flow went off in some places. I think you need to re-word shit a little better, and you'll have a sick verse right there.

        2.5/5 Mics.

        and can you vote on my battle with Impact? Thanks.

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        • #5
          Yeah, Ish Was Nice. Good Subject Matter, Could Of Been Worded Better Though. 6/7 outta 10

          o1ne..
          Esteemed Entity

          Illusory|Retro Fo|DuPoint|Check|Fitz|Pawl Derty|InK|Teknique


          Check out my 4K post shoutoutz

          http://www.d12world.com/board/showthread.php?t=318243

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          • #6
            I liked it more than some of the things I've read lately...

            Could be a lil better, but everything could be better so w.e....

            7.5/10
            http://www.myspace.com/kotten

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