HIP HOP LIFESTYLE

Announcement

Collapse
No announcement yet.

fo yall to help me improve

Collapse
X
 
  • Filter
  • Time
  • Show
Clear All
new posts

  • fo yall to help me improve

    Ayo check 1..2..1..2 *takes breath and starts*:

    Ayo, The Dox here to elevate, so critize to improve~me//
    Tryin to learn to knock n!ggaz out, like a~ruffie//

    But this aint a date~rape, just a killin caught on~tape//
    Have n!ggaz runnin like ima tread mill(wat?!) to keep em in~shape(ooh)//

    Underrated, wasnt even on the best rookie~poll//
    Degrated, but soon ill make em pay, like a~toll//

    Mouths on~fire, must be from this BIG RED i~stole//
    Haha proves im hard~and~black, like some~coal//

    A true n!gga, here to lyricise, and get~high//
    Smoke so much weed im like Biggie, ready~to~die//

    Spray so much ish, she dont have time to close her~eye(haha)//
    A bussiness man...well until she take off~my~tie//

    A pimp like Aktivity but o so Original//
    Lyrics are gettin better, mults comein out subliminal//

    Thinkin up stuff faster then D~to~the~X//
    But you kno my lines are goin to the top, like~risin~spandex(ouch!)//
    Unorthodox
    Bein that n1gga ::
    I spit venom

    Peep the myspace

  • #2
    haha start postin the feed so i can get betta. haha cant beleive im sayin this but wat i do wrong?
    Unorthodox
    Bein that n1gga ::
    I spit venom

    Peep the myspace

    Comment


    • #3
      everythin!!!!! u suck ass!!!! dont freestyle again in your fuckin life.... go sing and dedicate to pop!!!!!


      lol jp

      Comment


      • #4
        any actual advice??
        Unorthodox
        Bein that n1gga ::
        I spit venom

        Peep the myspace

        Comment


        • #5
          yo that wasnt bad at all, only thing I could say is to maybe work on some more internal rhyming instead of just end-rhyming only. And some of your rhymes were kinda weak, one I didnt really feel was:
          Mouths on~fire, must be from this BIG RED i~stole//
          Haha proves im hard~and~black, like some~coal//

          But generally it was pretty good, keep elevatin.

          B EZ
          ~It Aint About Black or White, Cuz We're Human~
          ~I Hope We See the Light Before it's Ruined~
          Tupac Amaru Shakur (June 16, 1971 - Sept 13, 1996) ~RIP~

          Comment


          • #6
            yo dogg.. y u didnt respond to the battle i set up

            Comment


            • #7
              "Underrated, wasnt even on the best rookie~poll//"
              "Degrated, but soon ill make em pay, like a~toll//"

              Ayo, check 2..4..6..8 *takes deap breath and farts*

              yo G, over there stealin yer gum, damn you hard, you know cuz you rob
              you must be some part of that hardcore baby-gap mob
              that i've been seein on da news everynight at six
              it's a rough tough life when you gotta steal to provide yer family with gum, and it only comes in 5 stick
              and "Underrated" wasn't anywhere near back then kickin his shit
              so watch what you say before you swing to hit
              do yourself a favor, take that dudes advice
              take up pop music, and stop spittin shit that's nice
              start spitting shit that's hard and hot.....like "coal" one would say
              cuz there's nothin worse than seein a 470-posts newbie shrivel up, turn cold and gay
              come do what you said, make me pay a toll and then some
              what, you want enough for a life supply of big - red gum?
              why you bring up D to the X son
              when you listenin to B to the S the best of
              standin in front of yer mirror with a tubetop under yer vest
              lip-syncing to britney spears' video while yer strappin water-ballons to ya chest
              37 years old and you still haven't left the nest
              bitch, by lookin at yer lyrics, you so dumb you'd fail an IQ test if you was tested
              you just got fucked, like michael jacksons little boy neighbor gettin molested
              you want my opinion on yer lyrics? cuz all that [up there] wuz just the jist
              you suck more ass than Oprah's liposuctionist

              Comment


              • #8
                Originally posted by HBMCBN
                yo dogg.. y u didnt respond to the battle i set up
                me?
                Unorthodox
                Bein that n1gga ::
                I spit venom

                Peep the myspace

                Comment


                • #9
                  ok i didnt read it
                  but the only way youll improve is by battlin lots
                  and readin battles, werkin out WHY they won
                  start usin more complex multis
                  then throw in a bit of wordplay with your punches
                  vote 4 me n ull go far

                  B.T.W........ since i gave u professional advice can u vote in here
                  thanx in advance
                  http://www.d12world.com/board/showthread.php?t=142006
                  LOFLZ!!!!!!!!
                  Originally posted by Splackavellie
                  when you eatin pussy you real close to it anyways so why not....Shit i'll eat a bitches ass with a spoon if i got to..lol
                  Originally posted by Tmaka2000
                  i cant wait till i get laid

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    iight dawg^^^^^ thanx
                    Unorthodox
                    Bein that n1gga ::
                    I spit venom

                    Peep the myspace

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      he was asking for help not for ppl to critazise his spit
                      www.facebook.com/rekne6
                      www.youtube.com/rekhedne6

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        all in all it wasn't a bad drop,your ryhme structure was simple,but that ain't a bad thing,your flow was ok too,what you should start doing is like T-2 said throw more multi's into your ryhmes,and battle other rookies,try not to write to much as most of the creative stuff comes from freestyling,when you think you've got something put it to paper.....peace.
                        "Life Is A Form Of Annimated Death"


                        Battles/ 39
                        Wins/ 30
                        Ko's/ 22
                        Loses/ 9

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          yo dox my advice is that shit u pulled off is tight but try to turn that on battle style to win many more get some punches goin on but nice shit.......

                          Comment


                          • #14
                            haha thanx ress : ) and every1 else
                            Unorthodox
                            Bein that n1gga ::
                            I spit venom

                            Peep the myspace

                            Comment

                            Post ad widget 300x250

                            Collapse

                            LATEST POSTS

                            Collapse

                            Topics Statistics Last Post
                            Started by mhukgkophmgu, Today, 02:29 AM
                            0 responses
                            1 view
                            0 likes
                            Last Post mhukgkophmgu  
                            Started by hdncntja, Today, 02:26 AM
                            0 responses
                            1 view
                            0 likes
                            Last Post hdncntja  
                            Started by hdncntja, Today, 02:14 AM
                            0 responses
                            1 view
                            0 likes
                            Last Post hdncntja  
                            Started by premierketo, Yesterday, 11:49 PM
                            0 responses
                            1 view
                            0 likes
                            Last Post premierketo  
                            Started by premierketo, Yesterday, 11:48 PM
                            0 responses
                            1 view
                            0 likes
                            Last Post premierketo  
                            Started by loikrsf, Yesterday, 10:30 PM
                            0 responses
                            3 views
                            0 likes
                            Last Post loikrsf
                            by loikrsf
                             
                            Started by 7Eleven7, 08-09-2006, 03:53 PM
                            25 responses
                            213 views
                            0 likes
                            Last Post Mark Ultra  
                            Started by touhidfiverr, Yesterday, 01:38 PM
                            0 responses
                            1 view
                            0 likes
                            Last Post touhidfiverr  
                            Started by tkaxec, Yesterday, 11:10 AM
                            0 responses
                            1 view
                            0 likes
                            Last Post tkaxec
                            by tkaxec
                             
                            Started by hxihzu3j, Yesterday, 07:17 AM
                            0 responses
                            1 view
                            0 likes
                            Last Post hxihzu3j  
                            Working...
                            X