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    i wrote this and i want some feedbakk

    ive been in so much struggle and im only 15,
    its more worst than a tragedy on tha movie screen,
    bashings, getting stuck up and parents getting divorce,
    and more blood spilt than heinz been making tomato sauce,
    and someone's always got a knife in there hand
    and guns, drinks n drugs are always on high demand,
    so what are we gonna do to get our lives on track
    because everyone u trust will stab u in a back,
    and ya start mess with the wrong homies theyll leave ya in a disfigure,
    well thats if your lucky, they might even pull da trigger,
    cause most of these people aint got a clue in life,
    there main ambition is getting pissed and into straife,
    but just give me moment, mah moment to shine,
    as i wanna make it, spit words and rhyme,

    give me feedback. Thnx Peace!
    RiGhT OuTTa AuStRaLiA!


    Hey yo...i cant sing, yeah i cant even hume a tune,
    but ill make this crowd bounce like bedsprings on a honeymoon,

  • #2
    that's shit is weak. you need to be more detailed, and you need to step up your rhyme game. not a whole lot of quailty. it's personal to you if what your sayin' is honest but it's just lyrically weak. keep it up, you'll elevate.


    Keep It REAL,
    Rick.
    7Digit
    UNTOUCHABLE LYRICISTZ

    You The Flyest Guy Walkin' That's Only Because I'm Seated

    Comment


    • #3
      weakest shit i hav heard in a long time
      Walk the path of Jesus, witness if Hell frizzes
      The mind teases reality, crack the pieces
      Nothin' eases, bein' chastise with blood baptize
      Guys revise, acknowledge past lives
      MF Grimm

      Comment


      • #4
        thought as much putting on this site.
        RiGhT OuTTa AuStRaLiA!


        Hey yo...i cant sing, yeah i cant even hume a tune,
        but ill make this crowd bounce like bedsprings on a honeymoon,

        Comment


        • #5
          this was really weak...u need to fix up ur complexity in this and u need to be more on point with that flow...keep droppin ull get there

          ..peace..
          h ǣ h
          D12 World Record
          0-0-0
          ..MurkeD EmceeZ..

          Comment

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