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  • Is this any good?

    This is my first shit I ever wrote so I don't really give a fuck if you tell me its bad. Be honest and give me sum feed back.

    I'll blast u off the earth like a rocket
    If you piss me off I'll stab u in the eye socket
    I'll throw u around like a mosh pit
    I'll drive up my car and u can wash it
    If u don't believe me then come talk shit
    to my face and I'll knock it
    with my fist
    and then you'll wish
    U woulda never claimed to be the shit
    and tried to dis me
    I'll make your bitch give me a lewinsky
    like monica
    than your moms will come and wanna fuck
    but ima knock her ass out like u ya lil punk

    If this sucks than tell me. I don't give a fuck if u tear me a new asshole.
    tell your children not to walk my way

  • #2
    Wottup!

    Wottup Dogg!
    It cud be better, you write it too much like a poem than a rap i dont think its crap but make it flow like one of Dres or 2Pacs!
    Take the fire higher and do it like the [[[:::MpL$\/ Lr:::]]]

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    • #3
      ur rugiht

      thanx 4 the feedback man
      tell your children not to walk my way

      Comment


      • #4
        fuck

        I meant to say ur right I'm tired as hell
        tell your children not to walk my way

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        • #5
          Hmm.... Possibly

          yo aight, to be honest wit you, your rhymez are lackin some key things.. aight first of all, don't make it so poetic, make it with a flow to it, so the person reading it can hear a certain flow to it in they head. second, the whole thing shouldn't be about doin one violent act after another. have a type of story line, add in some funny shit, if not it gets boring to read. third, your rhyming is good, you can rhyme more than once with a certain sound... like if you say 'i don't give a fuck' you can throw in a word at the begin as well as the end 'you shmuck, your rhymez suck' see what i mean? it's pretty cool once u get the handle of it, just practice speed of thinkin that shit up and u set bro. i'm out.
          ------------------------------------
          "He Who Makes a Beast Out of Himself, Gets Rid of the Pain of Being a Man."
          ------------------------------------

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          • #6
            thanx

            good suggestions, cool
            tell your children not to walk my way

            Comment

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