The Death of me(first verse and verse)

[MC_Needles]

http://www.illwayz.com/
the beat is the second one on the beats list if you wanna view it

yo I don't wanna talk about death at this /part of life/
but if you ain't got the /heart to fight/ you'll end up

like elvis,/biggie or ODB/ but when I pull the /triggie you wont see me/

but if you happen to see my /runnin ass/
/runnin fast/ wit a /ton of cash/

betta /close your trap/ kuz I'll rip outta my /clothes I'll snap/

n kill all of you fuckas n thats /the betta me/
the worste of me will be the /death of me/

Chorus
--------
bitch the death of me betta be /dra-mat-ic/
cuz I'll snap back to it like a fuckin /el-as-tic/
n you'll be givin 2 fucks kuz your ass'll be /casted/
so don't be so greedy n feel luckey you /lasted/

[Symptom]

You apparently don't know how to break your raps up into bars.

[MC_Needles]

I just wanted to change my structure up a lil...I'ma fix it

[EbonIvore]

I thought it was good, weak hook though... some of ur verses could have been used as the hook instead...

if you happen to see my /runnin ass/
/runnin fast/ wit a /ton of cash/

betta /close your trap/ kuz I'll rip outta my /clothes I'll snap/

n kill all of you fuckas n thats /the betta me/
the worste of me will be the /death of me/

[EbonIvore]

Edit: work with this... for the hook.. that line should be the ending.. i havent checked the beat btw

the worste of me will be the /death of me/

[EbonIvore]

somethin somethin...
somethin somethin..
I'll rip outta my /clothes I'll snap/

Cuzzzzzz

the worste of me will be the /death of me/

[MC_Needles]

why did you copy a couple barz from it?

[EbonIvore]

that whole concept is just sick...

the worste of me will be the /death of me/

I love it. Thats a fuckin song right there.

I like to take one good line and work my whole song, verse around it.

[EbonIvore]

im thinkin outloud... thats what goes on in my head know what im sayin

[MC_Needles]

what?

[EbonIvore]

wow im losing patience. :P
peace.

[MC_Needles]

so do you like it or not?

[EbonIvore]

are u high just read what i wrote

and what do you think of this for a hook; its hard to picture cause i cant explain how it flips off the tongue... but if u have a good imagination awh fuck it ull never guess....

Hook:

You Suicidal
Afraid of Survival
You in denail
This is Survival
Of the Fittest
Bitches in my room
Please Please Please
Of the Fittest
Bitches in my room
Please Please Please


You Suicidal
Afraid of Survival
You in denail
This is Survival
Of the Fittest
Bitches in my room
Please Please Please
Of the Fittest
Bitches in my room
Please Please Please

[EbonIvore]

that whole concept is just sick...

the worste of me will be the /death of me/

I love it. Thats a fuckin song right there.

I like to take one good line and work my whole song, verse around it.

in other words, yes i like it. It has potential to be hot as fuck for sure.

[MC_Needles]

aight thanx