"Pandemic WILL be a ill emcee!" (If you leave feedback, then I'll give you rep!)

[pandemic]

It was like a week ago when I was desperate
to achieve my goal and know the time to get to it
It was extremely difficult to learn how to rap
I even almost gave up writing, but now I'm back
I've finally found out there is hope in the world
To me, writing verses that are dope is the pearl
Now that I can finally actually write some verses
I no longer have to feel what I write is worthless
I'm not one of those idiots that bite dope verses
I wanna write my own shit, because I want talent
to write rhymes that hit hard like Tyson's violent actions
but newbies like myself need to put time in practice
When I started writing, I really needed some help
but I finally started to believe in myself
so now that I can actually achieve by myself
but I still need help, I don't wanna be by myself
I'm not an individual that raps to reach for the wealth
I only rap because i love it, see for yourself
When I thought I was fake, I almost cheated myself
I had some problems writing and being myself
but now I'm a real emcee that raps with honesty
and there's no one in the world that will be stopping me
If I choose to battle and lose, I lose with immodesty
because I should be proud of how I've gotten this far
Plus I now know that I don't have to be rotten and hard
in my lyrics to be an emcee dropping shit sharp,
but my quest isn't over yet; I've got a lot to learn
there's so much credibility I've got to earn
there's skills I haven't possessed yet, how long will it take
for me to get to the level I want to obtain?
In order for me to get there, I must stop the mistakes
I want to be able to write a classical verse
that actually hurts emcees and they'll actually burst
because I'm the killer emcee that's rappin' the verse,
and that's the amazing result of me practicing
so when I'm against an emcee, I'm the champ that wins
or if I don't battle, I'm still gonna make dope songs
even when the haters hate and the hate goes on
There is a very slim chance that I'm gonna give up
because this is the way I wanna live, punk

I personally think this verse is pretty good, but if you disagree, please tell me how to improve!

[pandemic]

Up!

[pandemic]

Anyone? If the reps aren't good enough for you, then I'll also leave feedback to your work. Just give the link to thread you want me to leave feedback in.

[pandemic]

What the fuuuuuk?

[Ramses`]

Sorry for the delay man, no disrespect. It's pretty tight ,good flow and meanin'.
Keep up the work.

- Ramses`

[pandemic]

Really? The flow was actually on point? That pretty good to hear. Thanks for the feedback.

[pandemic]

More feedback please?

[Frozen North]

I'd say expand your vocab, I saw a lot of repeated ideas and words(Rhymed verse like 4 times) . Keep it up though, next time keep it short but sweet cause that was some long shit.

[pandemic]

Thanks for the feedback, man. I personally like longer verses, but I can understand why people don't like them because they don't have enough time to read them.

[pandemic]

Sorry to up this thread, but I need more than just 2 people giving some feedback. More feedback please?

[Whizz]

Yeah, its really good to see someone respectin the art of MC'N. If you want to practive to get betta, here is what I use to do for vocab exercises. Since you are still needing a lil work on ya wordplay and such, vocab does not have to be word, to word stuff. Start rhymin phrases and strengthen ya vocab that way at first. fyi its okay to rhyme two of the same word right after eachother, but you should not get in the habit of that, at first. You should actually ONLY rhyme words that are the same but have different meaning like: not and knot, or sun and son, adam and atom, etc. you get the picture that way you are workin on the content and message being more complexed rather than just your vocabulary

i.e: this is just one way you could of avoided using Myself 4x which is really a huge no no, it really shows your lack of vocab..

believe in myself
book on a shelf
much needed help
deserving of wealth
drivin a Stealth
Im bad for ya health

see, it just flows betta and makes ya think a bit, dont misunerstand me though, pick yourself up a thersaurs and study that thing so many times you memorize it............

[Tha Essential]

yeh nice cool topic.. FLowed on point nothin wrong with reapting a rhyme look at joe budden he duz it all the time lol nice

1

[pandemic]

Thanks for the feedback, people.

[Lenzai]

yea...most definitely, read the dictionary, and the thesaurus. To be a lyrical mastermind is to have verses that'll enlighten the mind. plus with the dictionary comes more multies

[pandemic]

What? More multis in the dictionary? What are you talking about?