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"Pandemic WILL be a ill emcee!" (If you leave feedback, then I'll give you rep!)

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  • "Pandemic WILL be a ill emcee!" (If you leave feedback, then I'll give you rep!)

    It was like a week ago when I was desperate
    to achieve my goal and know the time to get to it
    It was extremely difficult to learn how to rap
    I even almost gave up writing, but now I'm back
    I've finally found out there is hope in the world
    To me, writing verses that are dope is the pearl
    Now that I can finally actually write some verses
    I no longer have to feel what I write is worthless
    I'm not one of those idiots that bite dope verses
    I wanna write my own shit, because I want talent
    to write rhymes that hit hard like Tyson's violent actions
    but newbies like myself need to put time in practice
    When I started writing, I really needed some help
    but I finally started to believe in myself
    so now that I can actually achieve by myself
    but I still need help, I don't wanna be by myself
    I'm not an individual that raps to reach for the wealth
    I only rap because i love it, see for yourself
    When I thought I was fake, I almost cheated myself
    I had some problems writing and being myself
    but now I'm a real emcee that raps with honesty
    and there's no one in the world that will be stopping me
    If I choose to battle and lose, I lose with immodesty
    because I should be proud of how I've gotten this far
    Plus I now know that I don't have to be rotten and hard
    in my lyrics to be an emcee dropping shit sharp,
    but my quest isn't over yet; I've got a lot to learn
    there's so much credibility I've got to earn
    there's skills I haven't possessed yet, how long will it take
    for me to get to the level I want to obtain?
    In order for me to get there, I must stop the mistakes
    I want to be able to write a classical verse
    that actually hurts emcees and they'll actually burst
    because I'm the killer emcee that's rappin' the verse,
    and that's the amazing result of me practicing
    so when I'm against an emcee, I'm the champ that wins
    or if I don't battle, I'm still gonna make dope songs
    even when the haters hate and the hate goes on
    There is a very slim chance that I'm gonna give up
    because this is the way I wanna live, punk

    I personally think this verse is pretty good, but if you disagree, please tell me how to improve!
    Last edited by pandemic; 04-18-2005, 11:00 PM.
    P!

  • #2
    Up!
    P!

    Comment


    • #3
      Anyone? If the reps aren't good enough for you, then I'll also leave feedback to your work. Just give the link to thread you want me to leave feedback in.
      P!

      Comment


      • #4
        What the fuuuuuk?
        P!

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        • #5
          Sorry for the delay man, no disrespect. It's pretty tight ,good flow and meanin'.
          Keep up the work.

          - Ramses`
          THE FREESTYLE CHURCH
          G-12
          All we need is mocks back and it'll be unstopable
          Team Mclaren

          Montoya - Räikkönen

          Bolton FC

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          • #6
            Really? The flow was actually on point? That pretty good to hear. Thanks for the feedback.
            P!

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            • #7
              More feedback please?
              P!

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              • #8
                I'd say expand your vocab, I saw a lot of repeated ideas and words(Rhymed verse like 4 times) . Keep it up though, next time keep it short but sweet cause that was some long shit.

                Comment


                • #9
                  Thanks for the feedback, man. I personally like longer verses, but I can understand why people don't like them because they don't have enough time to read them.
                  P!

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    Sorry to up this thread, but I need more than just 2 people giving some feedback. More feedback please?
                    P!

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                    • #11
                      Yeah, its really good to see someone respectin the art of MC'N. If you want to practive to get betta, here is what I use to do for vocab exercises. Since you are still needing a lil work on ya wordplay and such, vocab does not have to be word, to word stuff. Start rhymin phrases and strengthen ya vocab that way at first. fyi its okay to rhyme two of the same word right after eachother, but you should not get in the habit of that, at first. You should actually ONLY rhyme words that are the same but have different meaning like: not and knot, or sun and son, adam and atom, etc. you get the picture that way you are workin on the content and message being more complexed rather than just your vocabulary

                      i.e: this is just one way you could of avoided using Myself 4x which is really a huge no no, it really shows your lack of vocab..

                      believe in myself
                      book on a shelf
                      much needed help
                      deserving of wealth
                      drivin a Stealth
                      Im bad for ya health

                      see, it just flows betta and makes ya think a bit, dont misunerstand me though, pick yourself up a thersaurs and study that thing so many times you memorize it............
                      "You walk around Mad, Ya let ya anger Blind You
                      We walk around, just PLAYIN THE VIOLIN BEHIND YOU!!" - Encore

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                      • #12
                        yeh nice cool topic.. FLowed on point nothin wrong with reapting a rhyme look at joe budden he duz it all the time lol nice

                        1
                        Walk the path of Jesus, witness if Hell frizzes
                        The mind teases reality, crack the pieces
                        Nothin' eases, bein' chastise with blood baptize
                        Guys revise, acknowledge past lives
                        MF Grimm

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                        • #13
                          Thanks for the feedback, people.
                          P!

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                          • #14
                            yea...most definitely, read the dictionary, and the thesaurus. To be a lyrical mastermind is to have verses that'll enlighten the mind. plus with the dictionary comes more multies
                            "...like the Afrocentric Asian,
                            half-man, half-amazin."

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                            • #15
                              What? More multis in the dictionary? What are you talking about?
                              P!

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