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i need some feedback lol

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  • i need some feedback lol

    come on guys i posted some shit befor but i didnt get any comments. i made this one shorter so maybe someone will actually read it. hit me back and tell me your honest opinion. thanx late.

    my imagination is wats bringin me down, im sittin hear thinkin why in the world would anyone like these insane clowns,i dont think ill ever figure that one out, then i think about the world and the condition its in, and i wonder why these people wont quit bitchin, and everytime i get goin in the right direction, its like i fuck up and have a pre mature erection, well what exactly is next then, do i sit here waiting for a way to live, please understand that what im sayin is, i don't wanna be just another average joe, i wanna be a mother fuckin savage yo, someone that stands out in the middle of a crowd, i wanna be that person thats just a little bit to loud.
    BIG K

    South Side Denver

    http://www.soundclick.com/bands/page...?bandID=605122

  • #2
    Here's some: find the 'Enter' button

    There is no way i'm reading a paragraph

    Comment


    • #3
      it was gay and shity
      64 valiant,hand full of valiums
      couple of beers really do me right - Circle Jerks, Wild in the street

      Comment


      • #4
        cut vertically not horizontally
        "...like the Afrocentric Asian,
        half-man, half-amazin."

        Comment


        • #5
          theres no way im readin a fuckin paragraph shortin that motherfucker up some

          Comment


          • #6
            well if you want constructive feedback, it was lyrically okay, did not have much wordplay, and a pretty simple rhyme structure, But the way you wrote your lines was way off. See if you want to be a text MC also you do need to know how to break up ya verses. I am still tryin to get it down too, but not only do you need to get your thougts accross with lyrics, you need to get the flow accross by you line breaks.

            This is really a simple example, but even this would of been easier to read, and after it is written like this and you read it, you will be able to tell how well the flow is.


            my imagination is wats bringin me down,
            im sittin hear thinkin why in the world, would anyone like these insane clowns,
            i dont think ill ever figure that one out,
            then i think about the world and the condition its in,
            and i wonder why these people wont quit bitchin,
            and everytime i get goin in the right direction,
            its like i fuck up and have a pre mature erection,
            well what exactly is next then, do i sit here waiting for a way to live,
            please understand that what im sayin is,
            i don't wanna be just another average joe,
            i wanna be a mother fuckin savage yo,
            someone that stands out in the middle of a crowd,
            i wanna be that person thats just a little bit to loud.

            I can elaborate if ya want me to..just let me know, you need to work on ya word play too, so practice that...

            Otherwise, great effort
            PEACE
            "You walk around Mad, Ya let ya anger Blind You
            We walk around, just PLAYIN THE VIOLIN BEHIND YOU!!" - Encore

            Comment

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