Gimme feedbak on this

[flowwer1]

Anger
anger u hold it all inside u
it eats away at ure soul
killin u slwy burnin in u itz impossible 2 let it go
lodged in tha core of ya veins
n boilin bout 2 explode
constantly fryin yo brains
and turnin yo feelingz cold
you feel behind eyes
n buildin up in yo throat
you wanna fkn scream
but all u can manage's a subliminal choke
u git 2 feelin like life aint shit but a giant hoax
n now u lookin for weed r sum crack r smack 2 smoke
it aint a fuckin joke when u thinkin like suicide
when u so fkn thru u life wit life u dont care if u fkn die
havin all this shit 2 say that u caint cuz o yo pride
thinkin up cataclysmic planz
turnin em over in a tomrnted mind

[metahman]

hey, reminds me of an eminem verse, i aint mad at that 8.4/10.
check out mine
http://www.d12world.com/board/showthread.php?t=194361

[UpNorth]

it sucked, don't get mad cuz this is HONEST feedback

[flowwer1]

thanx 2 north 4 bein honest. thanx 2 meth

[G-12]

I'm gonna be totally honest with this.

I relly didn't like this at all, but I'm not gonna bash on this because you're obviously new to this. First of all, your structure was kinda bad. If you wanna show that sumthing is rhyming, u can put it in all caps or bold it or what ever, like this:

lodged in tha core of ya VEINS n boilin bout 2 EXPLODE/
constantly fryin yo BRAINS and turnin yo feelingz COLD/

as opposed to what you had:

lodged in tha core of ya veins
n boilin bout 2 explode
constantly fryin yo brains
and turnin yo feelingz cold

You know what I mean?

Second, you could have had more multies in there. I can see that you're a beginner so just keep practicing and writing.

[flowwer1]

thanx wut is a multie