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my freestyle, please judge....

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  • my freestyle, please judge....

    im not that good at this shit, and i want you people to be honest but don't like, say i fucing blow or sumtin, and give me some advice in what i should do in order to improve or sumtin, thanx


    i walk through the door/
    stomp on the floor/
    so get ready to gimme an applause/
    yo i platform my strategy/
    ya kids be tryin to flatter me/
    all dat does is fuck up ya anatomy/
    my names H0taciD/
    ill spit my rhymes wether im fine or blasted/
    ill always be lastin/
    ima weed smoking lurkin motherfucker whos always blurtin rhymes cause i always gota alotta time/
    ill be spittin these lyrics cause i am and foreva will be in my prime/
    gettin head at the beach drinkin a corona wit a lime/
    ima sick rapper who kills ya ass so fast wit one blast from my lyrical spit/
    scare you so badly, make ya wanna shit/
    an take another hit, not noticing im fucking ya girls clit/
    i have many ways of kill you, maybe stab you , shoot, you eat you or delete you/
    i may be arrested for killin you, but i will be puttin ya ass in the defeated exibit/
    puttin you on display for free/
    having a bunch of kids laughing at you likes, then having to clear the debree/
    but i will always be/
    the best MC/
    for Eternity

    i know it sucked badly, what shoud i do to improve?

  • #2
    that ain't bad dawg. but I've seen u do better.
    http://members.theglobe.com/Ruff_Ryda2k/BLAZEK.JPG
    don't walk down a dark alley at night, cuz us Faceless Killaz feed off yer fright. dark as night, a blast of light, bullet speed thru tha night an takes off yer head in flight - Faceless Killaz Anthem

    -Stats-
    Wins - 0
    -Losses-
    Peel Junkee (5-1)
    my dawg H0TAciD (3-0)
    much respect 2 UNDERWORLD (4-0)
    Controversial (4-0)

    Comment


    • #3
      Not bad, not bad at all. Keep it up! Better than Lil' Bow Wow!
      Who the hell do you think I am?!

      Comment


      • #4
        not bad...

        aight these 2 are obviously readin a different rap to what ive just read, u got rhe idea right, but u definitely need some more complex rhymes and metaphors coz I dont think any were used, and metaphors are the prime thing to use in battle verses man, u need better vocab too, if u do that shit then you'd b writin better rhymes. good luck.

        LaTeRz

        Comment


        • #5
          yo dogg that wasnt bad at all. you definetly have the idea and shit and like so solid said if you are writing battle raps then u need metaphors but as far as just spittin you definetly got a flow going. the beggining of your shit was dope as far as the flow but towards the end you lost that i think. of coarse it is hard to read verses rather than hear them. but yo keep it up.

          holla
          d.r.kaos

          the CURSE

          Comment


          • #6
            yo dawgs thanx for replying, ill try and use more metaphors and shit,
            thanx again.

            Comment


            • #7
              keep it up

              Comment


              • #8
                NOT BAD AT ALL..... PRACTICE MAKES PERFECT........KEEP IT UP DAWG.
                Battle Record 25 - 6.
                Official Winner of FT1.
                http://www.dferecordz.com/gru.jpg
                A coward dies a thousand deaths,
                a soldier only dies but one.

                Comment


                • #9
                  thanx dawg

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    wtf is up wit yins wat kinda shrooms r u eatin this dude blows

                    i walk through the door/
                    stomp on the floor/

                    from there to

                    the best MC/
                    for Eternity

                    is the worse combonation of lines adn rhymes ive ever heard.

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      yo thats why hes askin how to fuckin improve dawg^ dont worry bout that hotacid....just use better metaphors and try and keep lines the same lenghth and shit like that you kno wut i mean? it wasnt al bad tho dawg just elevate.....dont listen to the people who start talkin shit wen youre askin for help ight ~uno~
                      ~Lyrical Bloodz~





                      when you hear the bottle top pop off you know im coming
                      the sound in the backround aint the beat its the people running

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        lmao @ bringing back 3 year old threads.
                        All through high school i had braids
                        I kept mad blades
                        Stabbin teachers to death that gave me bad grades - R.I.P Big L.

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          god damn leave these damn threads where they blong.. lmfao
                          Originally posted by McWannaBe
                          Yesterday, me and my girl were making out and shit like that. When
                          I sucked on one of her boobs, fucking MILK CAME OUT!!


                          Project certifiedô

                          Comment


                          • #14
                            o shit it is 3 years back 1o1 i didnt even notice it.......alexthegreat < stupid
                            ~Lyrical Bloodz~





                            when you hear the bottle top pop off you know im coming
                            the sound in the backround aint the beat its the people running

                            Comment

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