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a lil rhyme (gimme feedback)

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  • a lil rhyme (gimme feedback)

    yo bitch im tryin to understand it/
    mess with me ill leave yer ass abbondoned/
    im just wonderin how the fuck you manage/
    when im bustin ryhmes from another planet/
    and i cant see how you gonna handle me/
    im bustin you up fuckin with yo anatomy/
    im burnin yer ass like the third degree/
    you bitches in court bustin tha guilt plea/
    but not me/
    yo i stay on top of my life/
    and when im not home/
    i stay on top of yer wife/
    but is right for me to hit it from the back/
    i can do dat or else ill get with my gat/
    9 milly bustin slugs up on the avenue/
    creepin in the dark whos dat ***** grabbin you/
    its Dan G out the pententary/
    locked up for what seemed a fuckin century/
    so watch out then you be one my enemies/
    then ill have to drink you up like hennessey/

  • #2
    dodgy

    your shit was kinda all over the place, needs a lotta structure work...one line ure talkin about fuckin someones wife, next line ure talkin about shootin people? just get a steady flow to your rhymes and the usual things, better vocab and metaphors

    LaTeRz

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    • #3
      thx for replyin man, no one ever does

      Comment


      • #4
        i liked it, too bad some of it didnt rhyme

        Comment


        • #5
          they arent all exact rhyming words like dog, log, but when you read them aloud they flow, thats what i was kinda goin for. thx for the reply too em 2001

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