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Hells Angels / Heavens Demons (freestyle)

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  • Hells Angels / Heavens Demons (freestyle)

    hey yall just a little something i threw together
    bout evil and shit. check it.


    Hellish atmosphere,
    Air thick with fear,
    His sickening leer,Force innocent eyes to tear.
    Blackness,
    Only his eyes illuminate,
    Glowing red-like the undead,Filled with hate.
    He wont wait-He attacks now,
    Pain is his mission,
    No intermission,No matter how hard you're wishing.
    Listen-You can hear his soul laugh,
    In the blood bath,
    He's satanistic and twisted,Down to his last-
    Breath,
    Only happy in the midst of death,
    He murders his loved ones,
    ‘Till there aint none left,
    No heart beats in his chest.
    He’s the epitome of evil,
    Brings pain to other people,
    He’s lethal to the feeble.
    His cerebral-Is full of visions of pain,
    Driven insane,
    As they repeat,Over and over again.
    So he makes the world crash,
    Feel his wrath,
    His backlash-So fast,It destroys all in its path.
    He won’t be satisfied,
    Until everything’s died,
    Stands alone in the aftermath,And starts to cry.



    thanx for reading.....comments???
    (no motherfuckers ever respond to my shit!!!!! if its wack let me know!!!??)

    PEACE
    The only thing worse than the wretched pain in my mouth is the excrement spewing from yours-Stewie Griffen

    ONLY GOD CAN JUDGE ME

    R.I.P ~ Tupac Shakur-my biggest musical inspiration…you are missed everyday

  • #2
    hrmmmmmmmm, that wasn't really a rap verse itwas more poetic.
    your rhymin is quite basic,you rhyme only the last syllable. try thinking about the sound of the word and avoid direct rhymin if possible
    http://dalux.dmusic.com

    Comment


    • #3
      Yeah I agree with DaLux, it was more poetic then rap. Also about rhyming more then just the last syllable. But if I was gonna judge it on poetry, I would say it's pretty good. I like the story. Just make it into more of a rap and it will be tight.
      Peace 5 and 92, you're missed.

      Comment


      • #4
        yeah, sorry to just say more of the same, but i agree with the other two. Whatcha got is good stuff, but its more poetic than rap. Poetry can be a good base to build on though, tupac was on hell of a good poet as well as being a good rapper... if your looking to convert one maybe take a look at some of his poems?

        Comment


        • #5
          Yo i appreciate da feedback ya'll, finally someone responded!!!!

          Im feeling ya comments too, but dont get me wrong im in to REAL HIP-HOP so watch this space...........


          PEACE.
          The only thing worse than the wretched pain in my mouth is the excrement spewing from yours-Stewie Griffen

          ONLY GOD CAN JUDGE ME

          R.I.P ~ Tupac Shakur-my biggest musical inspiration…you are missed everyday

          Comment


          • #6
            What the deal Illrun. Now like the others were sayin the ryhming wasnt that complex and it does have a poem type feel to it but you do have a flow. And that is the start because alot of heads on here i find dont have a strong flow. Mybe its cuz how they structure it on the forum i dont know but i was able to "rap" ya shit and i knew how the flow went. Kepp it up dogg just work on the ryhming techniques a bit.

            holla
            d.r.kaos

            the CURSE

            Comment


            • #7
              definately, that rhyme had nice flow, i dont see anything wrong with it, if you rapped it aloud with a beat itd sound preatty tight.

              Comment

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