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Forgiveness [11 Bars]

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  • Forgiveness [11 Bars]

    i ask forgiveness for the sins im accounted capable of
    for a women's presence in love decievin amount un-stable to lord above
    for my un-strengthened persistance towards resistance
    n my extended awaited sentence due forced conviction
    my negative attitude amongst dese hardtimes
    n indefinite magnitude kurupt to see un-alarmed sacrifice
    for not tryna think right lettin my mind over-cloud wit haze
    for the fire in delight presentin demise over-bound wit rage
    for the desire to fight ratha than walk away
    n lettin an higher ego affect my mental while they're tendin to talk attained
    bein insane forgiveness for havin to deal wit pain
    seein complaints n hataz insistance out for grabbin me wit evil retain
    for judgemental acceptance exceptionally n gainin progression from separate themes
    for residential deception perceptionally n claimin acception wit definite thieves
    previously seein life more wrecklessly havin intentions God might abandon me
    times relatin wrong company selectively discretion ressurection to profanity
    for opportunities i let desert me without takin it regretfully
    for communities i let accredit me no doubt forsaken collectively
    for assistin in force makin my mother grieve
    driftin off-course containin she's there for no-one otha than me
    times i forgot the Lord cared for me while not havin the heavenly presence near to me
    times i stopped by despair to proceed unravelling without belief in God's entity this life won't be clear to me

    jus ta let u knw i've been comin up with most my submissions within 5 - 10 minutes n that if i wanted too i could've stratedgised wit time to have the pieces revised n ammended for better examination - though i wanted to post as is from completion so would like honest responses if any

  • #2
    nice lkyrics. the flow wasnt very good, but either very bad. nice spit dude. tho i don bliv in god, im atheist as fuckkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk. no hate lol. keep it up

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    • #3
      jus to let u know that was 22 or 23 bars a bar is typically one line. Thats what F2then told me in my first rap n that actually is correct. Was a good piece anyhow but the flow could use some work on this one.

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      • #4
        yeah man thought flow wasn't as on point as it should've been
        thanks for feed though man

        peace

        Comment


        • #5
          yo man nice shit jus fix up ur flow on this n try n keep each line 2 15 syllables,nice n keep writin n im workin on r shit as we speak,ill pm u it soon

          peace
          You ain't got a truck that's hooked up with rims
          Kids'll see you like "damn, why I looked up to him?

          Comment


          • #6
            I was rappin' it, and at some points, flow was good. Other's not so good. Typically, just overall good.

            Fave line:

            for judgemental acceptance exceptionally n gainin progression from separate themes
            for residential deception perceptionally n claimin acception wit definite thieves

            ^Flowed best to me. When I rapped it. Nice vocab.

            Just work on those multis, man! 8/10, for lack of multis, even though you did have a few. Just be extraterrestrial, and use more than one, like me or pandemic, or jadaafa, at times.

            Keep at it, grandhustle19.

            Your girl,
            Symptom
            Love, live life, proceed, progress

            Comment


            • #7
              Thanks for the great responses n to Symption for the rating - appreciate it
              nice to know what to try n improve towards my lyriks

              peace

              Comment

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