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New shit tight story!!!!

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  • New shit tight story!!!!

    This a story type freestyle I just came up with tell me what you think?


    Yo,
    He woke up in a daze, back achin'
    Breath smellin' like liquor, dick smellin' like sex
    Head throbbin' like the bass from the club last night
    No idea how he left
    Needless to say, perplexed
    As he looked around the room that he never been in
    Candles all around the bed, sheets quite feminine
    Bucked naked with his kicks on
    Breakaway jeans, drawers and sweater were all on the bedroom floor
    He heard singin' from the shower from the bathroom door
    Sounded like Melvin Moore but he couldn't be sure
    She had a sexy ass voice but she was so off-key
    Couldn't 'member how she looked, couldn't wait to see
    Hopin' that it was the girl, third floor of the club
    The one that let him grab her ass when they twisted the dub
    Or perhaps it was the dime from the guest list line
    Either one and several others would've suited him fine
    From the bed to the bathroom, a voice said "come in"
    Gradually now, he starts to remember
    Peeped through the shower curtain, like bachelor number three
    Pleasantly surprised to see that it was the bartender
    And tender was the operative word
    She had a body like a cello with legs, I mean, the ass was absurd
    Long neck, smooth skin, pretty face, kooky nipples
    Eyes wider than hips, full lips between dimples
    She said "how did you sleep?"
    He said he didn't know
    She asked "was it good for you too?"
    "I think so, but I really can't remember what went down last night"
    She told him "take off your shoes, we can replay the highlights"
    Stepped out the shower in a daze, legs achin'
    dick wrapped in a hat
    Wide open cuz it was the last from a twelve-pack
    Spit four in the shower till his tire went flat
    She thought he was all that
    She said "I don't have to work today
    Take a little nap so we can do it again"
    No sooner than she said it, keys jingled, door slammed
    He said "please baby, please don't let it be your boyfriend
    For the love of basketball, Mademoiselle, look
    I ain't Biggie Smalls, I don't even want a story to tell
    I'm a lover, not a fighter, alright"
    But then a girl walked in
    Saw him naked and said "What the hell?"
    Time stood still as he thought to himself,
    "This reminds me of a beer commercial back in the day"
    She's too young to be her mother, so he asked,
    "How you doin'? Would you care to join in?"
    She said, "***** is you crazy?
    See this ring on my finger? That's my wife you was fuckin'
    My name ain't Ronald Isley, don't try to play me out"
    She reached in her purse for the little pearl handle
    He splashed her in the face with the wax from the candle
    The 'tender ran back into the bathroom, screamin'
    Slipped on the condom wrapper, broke her pretty little neck
    The burnt-face wife pulled a gun on the dude
    Famous last words: "I ain't mean you no disrespect!"

    [Talking]
    Wow! That was crazy
    Yo J, that was cool and all
    But what's up with the violent ending, man?
    Is it possible for it to end a little more pleasant?


    What if the story woulda ended like this?
    I'ma kick it again but only with a slight twist
    It goes one for the griot
    Two for da gods
    Three to flip the script, cuz it ain't that hard
    Check it out

    Time stood still as he thought to himself,
    "This reminds me of a beer commercial back in the day"
    She's too young to be her mother
    "Would you care to join in?"
    She was butt naked under her coat
    He was amazed at the second wind kickin' in
    Thinkin' 'bout the fact that he almost didn't go to the club
    Woulda been wack
    If he missed out on the greatest love of his life
    Imagine if he stayed home with his wife
    Cuz girl two,
    Yo her body made the 'tender look like a fender bender
    The three of them together turned the bed to a blender
    He left like five hours later with a permanent grin
    And feels he will ever remember

    [Talking]
    C'mon Meo,
    There's no way my man got laid quite like that
    It just don't happen
    It's like a porno or somethin'
    And what about his wife?
    She didn't even say nothin'?
    She didn't ring him?



    Time stood still as he thought to himself,
    "This reminds me of a beer commercial back in the day"
    She's too young to be her mother, so he asked, "How you doin'?"
    She said "Eww! It smells like somebody been screwin'!
    I hope it wasn't y'all"
    Then she started laughin'
    He said "What's so funny?"
    She said "You don't know the half"
    She was starin' at the joint with a fucked-up smile
    She said "I can come back if you gon' be here for awhile
    But between me and you, and my roommate too
    What I'm 'bout to say might just be a little snafu in your plans
    She used to be a dude!" (Yeah, how's that for a plot twist)
    He asked the 'tender was it true
    She said "Shit, I told you last night, my man, I thought you knew"

  • #2
    yo man i really liked this shit,it kinda reminds me of nas song undyin love,i liked the topic n the way u brought it back 3 times n kept replayin the outcome was brillaint n the first outcome was the best the way u told it but the plot twist at the end totally fuked me man,i wasnt expectin it 2 be that way but i liked it n the flow was really gd,jus up on multis man but keep droppin shit like this

    peace n could u check out my shit calld armageddon
    You ain't got a truck that's hooked up with rims
    Kids'll see you like "damn, why I looked up to him?

    Comment


    • #3
      uppin ont his it its worth the read,i enjoyed it
      You ain't got a truck that's hooked up with rims
      Kids'll see you like "damn, why I looked up to him?

      Comment

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