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Diagnosis Murder(story)

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  • Diagnosis Murder(story)

    im a misbegotten man thats been discarded,
    n bombarded wit pain n forgotten about n disregarded,
    its like cpid targetd n made it hard for me outta spite,
    caus i was happy for once n maybe doubtd his might
    n now my hearts cold n ive startd 2 fold,
    my soul ive sold bt my future only god beholds,
    so i sit at nite reminisn as im swallowd by the darkness,
    gods light disciplines me as im in hell followin the heartless,
    caus of some girl who brought my world crashin down,
    shes out on the street passin her ass around the town,
    treatn me lik a clown,so i loaded the clip n pulld ot the gauge
    plottn front page news,i was sick of feeln lik a fool on center stage,
    hell bent wit rage until i thought "thou shall not kill",
    1 of the commandments,damn it bt imma do it still,
    so i startd drivin wit premeditatd muder n my mind,
    bearly survn from depression bt new id hurt her in my own time,
    n got 2 her hous n went up n sneakd in the door,
    n creepd over the floor 2 her room screamn die u hoar,
    and emptied the the clip into her fukin bed,
    suspectn she was dead after i filld her wit lead,
    bt she fooled me caus the bitch wasnt there,
    n i heard footsteps,she must have slipped dwn stairs,
    so i changed the clip n proceeded 2 cock it,
    walkn step by step n i saw a shadow so i shot it,
    better safe than sry caus i wasnt takin any chances,
    walkn 2 the kitchen lookin behind me makin swift glances,
    as my finger was itchin 2 fuck the trigger,
    n a quick job in and out is wat i figured,
    but a game of cat n mouse is wats been dilevered,
    n my skins shiverin as times elapsin,
    n my vital signs r collapsin bt im focused so fuk any destractions,
    im stuck wit my actions n i dont give a fuck,
    imma kill her caus her times up n this bitch is outta luck,
    so i grabbd the handle n struck her head,
    n wouldnt stop until the fukin hoar bled,
    caus i wantd her 2 feel a small piece of my pain,
    she playd wit mind n now i wish these thoughts would cease in my brain,
    but ive tried n this seems like my last resort,
    to cast away all demons from my bodily fort,
    so i lifted her by her hair n drug her across the pavement,
    wat do u think now of r fukin engagnement,
    well u still got one caus ur married 2 death,
    n guess wat,the dates 2day bitch,aint much time left,
    so we gotta get ready,hold on until i get my machette,
    sit still gurl this fukin knifes heavy,i sayed b steady,
    n then took one swipe n liftd her head frm her shoulders,
    as her body fell 2 the ground i bet im goin 2 hell now,

    (talkin)-fuck it im goin no,im ready(hahaha)(gunshots n then it ends)

    yo peeps this is a piece that i jus wrote tonight,i took the start frm a battle i did but then added 2 it n made it into a full song so tell me wat us think n i no its long but plz read the full thing
    You ain't got a truck that's hooked up with rims
    Kids'll see you like "damn, why I looked up to him?

  • #2
    uppin.............
    You ain't got a truck that's hooked up with rims
    Kids'll see you like "damn, why I looked up to him?

    Comment


    • #3
      sup man that wa good you good at doin this type of shit
      hell bent wit rage until i thought "thou shall not kill",
      1 of the commandments,damn it bt imma do it still,
      That wa prolly one of my face lines, it just flowd and sounded so good.
      OH HAI!

      Comment


      • #4
        yeah good piece , dont know what to say more , I'm not really good at givin constructive feeds. Just add chorus

        Comment


        • #5
          Yo, this is a tight story, but wouldn't she already be dead if you shot her in the head?

          Anyways, other than that, it's tight. It's different than what you usually write.

          Peace.
          P!

          Comment


          • #6
            Nice verse man, I read it and my favorite part was:

            n got 2 her hous n went up n sneakd in the door,
            n creepd over the floor 2 her room screamn die u hoar,
            and emptied the the clip into her fukin bed,
            suspectn she was dead after i filld her wit lead,
            bt she fooled me caus the bitch wasnt there,
            n i heard footsteps,she must have slipped dwn stairs,
            so i changed the clip n proceeded 2 cock it,
            walkn step by step n i saw a shadow so i shot it,

            That's good storytelling, I liked this song.
            Free Agent
            3 Wins - 3 KOs - 2 Losses

            .:::STREET DISCIPLES:::.
            |GAP2GAP|CT9|SWITCH-B|
            |Vokab|Green Chronic|

            0 Wins - 0 KOs - 0 Losses

            Comment


            • #7
              nice one man. culd picture it good. good story m explanation

              Comment


              • #8
                ^ Yeah man could imagine this fantastic story, the way you had described it throughout your content.
                N i agree wit gap 2 gap about your line mentionin 1 of the commandments thgh this piece is great wit multi's like mst prbly all your pieces - great to learn off

                Overall great piece man - nice to see you come across wit a pshycopathic song towards hatred for a girl since your honoroble with your reality topics, and most ppl familiar with your content normally expect serious content from you - excellent story telling

                keep at it dawg

                Comment


                • #9
                  Nice, I'm not good at givin' feed, so I'll just say 8/10

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    yo peeps thanks for the feed,uppin...............
                    You ain't got a truck that's hooked up with rims
                    Kids'll see you like "damn, why I looked up to him?

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      man that was great, amazin piece homie, i couldnt stop reading it, my fave part was same as 'vokab' great storytellin the flow was mad there, fit together like a puzzle. really good content man.
                      SECTION 8

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        yo man thanks for the feed on this,uppin..............
                        You ain't got a truck that's hooked up with rims
                        Kids'll see you like "damn, why I looked up to him?

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          uppin.............
                          You ain't got a truck that's hooked up with rims
                          Kids'll see you like "damn, why I looked up to him?

                          Comment


                          • #14
                            c'mon uppin................
                            You ain't got a truck that's hooked up with rims
                            Kids'll see you like "damn, why I looked up to him?

                            Comment


                            • #15
                              all ya gotta do is break up the verse into 2 and make a hook, and it's perfect.
                              [email protected] Crew - NBK
                              Hostile - Disrespek - J Rude - Joker - Yung Rice - Perk - Hitman Tez - Wild Card - E Mic - Ace - Sixxx

                              Comment

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