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The Take Over

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  • The Take Over

    This is a verse I did in the first round of the tourney at www.hiphopemcees.com/forums. No one responded, except AC3, or Green Chronic, on the site, that is, and the guy I'm battlin' didn't show, so I figured I'd get feedback on it, for I think this a great piece of word I've got here. Took be about ten minutes, give or take a few.

    Drivin' down the highway of life, he spots-trouble
    Stumblin' on the road of "abrasions," his blood "clots-double"*
    Thinkin' to a hault, he draws a blank like computer paper
    Gettin' pulled apart from his dreams opposite a stapler*
    Cuts-and-bruises form the outline of his exterior
    He lusts-and-chooses women to go after, his-fear-is-blurred
    American-bad-ass, or so that's what-some-say
    "Smokes" cats like a killer, "trust"-comes-slayed*
    He intervienes for a plan to someday-control-the-world
    Devisin' a notion to one-day-unfold-the-swirls
    Of the basic human life, he holds his plan-already
    Has it all made out, he can't be demolished, he stands-steady
    Broad shoulders, stiffended neck-and-back
    Settin' up his dream, demanding for the respect-he-lacks
    Stackin' many hopes-of-wishes, he relaxes-often
    Takin' in the ropes-he's-dishin', he feeds-back-this-coffin
    He will soon make everyone's new home-to-die-in
    As he slowly introduces the chrome-to-fly-with (Die, become an angel)
    Strapped and equiped with image-to-succeed
    Belief in his self, the prime "scrimage"-he-needs
    To play the real "game" to overtake-the-power
    Of what he considers is the clover-makin'-cowards (4 Leaf Clover, luck)
    Finally ready to pull through with his devised-plan
    Settin' up the amunition he needs to prescribe-man
    With the antidote of death, he lets go his only-weapon
    Contemplatin' to leave people with holy-sections (Of their body)
    He calmly sets one gun down, as a warning sign-to-copy
    With a note attached sayin', "No body better try-to-stop-me"

    *Abraisons are cuts, or bruises, or something rough, and when you get cut or bruised, or something rough, your blood clots when you bleed. I'm simply sayin' he's been through a lot, and it symbolizes his strength. "His blood clots DOUBLE," or extra the strength.
    **The Truth company, "Say no to drugs..." "Smokes cats like a killer..." Get it? Plus, when I say that trust comes slayed, I mean that it is forced, the trust in him gets forced. Get it?
    Love, live life, proceed, progress

  • #2
    Very well done lyrically. Multis were hot and your vocab was off the chart. Well done.

    Peace
    _____________________________

    They call me Sinful for a reason.....
    Think about it.....

    _____________________________

    Comment


    • #3
      the verse was tight and it had some good multis also hard punches and the word play was KO (I guess the opponent was no match) keep at it.

      WORD UP!
      Lyrical Underground Assassin King

      XEXAK

      X-Traordinarily Exotic X-Treme AssassinatinKingz




      Comment


      • #4
        ...

        Comment


        • #5
          ^Great feedback.

          Uppin'.
          Love, live life, proceed, progress

          Comment


          • #6
            Uppin'.
            Love, live life, proceed, progress

            Comment


            • #7
              Man, decent reads don't get any decent feedback.

              Crappy Board.
              Love, live life, proceed, progress

              Comment


              • #8
                damn girl, you still got it, nah its wayyyy betta den tha last time i remember

                Comment


                • #9
                  ^YAY! Uppin'.
                  Love, live life, proceed, progress

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    that shit was crazy
                    F T W

                    Comment

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