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another thread (con i did it about violence)

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  • another thread (con i did it about violence)

    dat gangsta approached, he blew up da pace/
    heads blown off, they were missing a face/
    an army of *****z fired their rounds/
    this shit blew up, these paraletic sounds/
    Hoes dumped in alleys, they were left to die/
    their kids screaming "mommy" no father in sight//
    This fatal attack caused uproar and rage/
    a total burnout within, a complete rampage//
    A heard of people, shot dead as they run/
    run away from these gangstaz that fuck up their harmless minds from a gun/
    Houses burned down, families destroyed/
    *****z turn to violence suffering from fuckin typhoid//
    escapeism restored as they battle it out/
    hoes seeing red as they continue to shout/
    "Yo motherfuckin *****z dont shit on me"/
    *****z reply "we'll shit on you, like easy E"/
    the battle continues, people glorified with bitches/
    Robbing money from the poor, stealing all their riches/

    I dunno if thats any good, but thats my thread, im rather new to this whole rapping thing so i accept criticism, but id like help in carrying it on so rate this, and post your suggestions, Ta

    Lady rapper

  • #2
    Yo i thought it was alrite, you a lil gangsta girl huh?

    Ill just suggest that you use multiple rhymes, that verse only had 2 bar rhymes, rhyme the sounds more than once to show your skill.Just keep at it.

    PEACE
    The only thing worse than the wretched pain in my mouth is the excrement spewing from yours-Stewie Griffen

    ONLY GOD CAN JUDGE ME

    R.I.P ~ Tupac Shakur-my biggest musical inspiration…you are missed everyday

    Comment


    • #3
      ta...for feedback :-)

      Thanx hun, i guess i will try that next time, but i didnt really have an prep time 4 dis one! This is liek the 1st proper rap that ive actually dun, but thanx for the feedback neway!

      Lady Rapper

      Comment


      • #4
        .............

        Yo,I Thought ur rhyme was tight compared 2 ur other one lol.It was good.But i agree with my ***** illrun about tha multiple rhymes.Concept was tight and most of tha wordz rhymed..Good Job..Keep it up.

        Comment

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