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lights out- *this is from the heart baby*

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  • lights out- *this is from the heart baby*

    Turn the lights out, we gonna fight now
    slug straight to the chest ,now i gotta get my rest

    like the rest of em
    i ride with the best of em
    collide with a mess of em
    and die like the death of em

    and now i'm in heaven sortin my thoughts
    what the hell just happened, there was two of em shot
    and i guess, one of em was me
    put to rest, most definitely
    i'm standin face to face, with the hallowed father
    and i say it amazes me, how would you bother
    and waste your time with a youth like me
    he looks me in the eyes and he says mightily
    I sent you in the world, and looked after you
    and even when you failed i was still comin through
    -but what about that time?- ah ah, he hushes me
    i was there then too you just didn't see me

    and that's when i realized, my heart full of shame
    I'm lookin through his eyes, I felt his pain
    he really cared for me, he was really there for me
    but i was just too proud to admit it out loud
    so i took his hand anyway, and walked with him
    i was nervous at anyrate but talked with him...

    not done yet, let me know what you think
    What the hell can i say I'm just a rookie/ but if you happen to come my way don't over look me

    wins:

    losses: Johnny Blazez

    "I couldn't help but notice your pain"

    -"My pain?"

    "It runs deep...share it with me!"

  • #2
    look i don't care if you think it's wack, i just want you to tell me what you think. I just want more tips so I can get better.
    What the hell can i say I'm just a rookie/ but if you happen to come my way don't over look me

    wins:

    losses: Johnny Blazez

    "I couldn't help but notice your pain"

    -"My pain?"

    "It runs deep...share it with me!"

    Comment


    • #3
      MY OP.............

      Yo G i think its on its way but yo might wanna read over it and try and improve it!! i aint tha one really to talk im just new here to!!
      But dat is my op!! and try and not use tha same word over and over again!!

      PEACE

      check out mine and tell us what ya think!!

      X-TACY dalux this is for u!!
      .: Ruban Bates :.
      --------------------------------------
      (BattlE RecorD - 25/12)
      --------------------------------------

      Comment


      • #4
        .............

        Yo,My opinion is u could of rhymed it better....Like you did every to lines with a rhyme but after those 2 lines you started another 2 lines and so on...Ya Dig?
        But tha concept was cool and it was good 4 a begginer....Keep up tha practice

        Comment

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