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Just A Lil Poem I Wrote

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  • Just A Lil Poem I Wrote

    TELL ME IF THIS IS GOOD...... (ILL EXPLAIN THE STORY BEHIND IT IF YOU READ IT LOL)


    I can' believe what you did
    Of your thoughts I have to get rid
    You refuse to reply
    And still I wonder why
    You don't even call
    BUt I won't bother at all
    Because I refuse to fall for you
    Because of your words, I HATE you
    Your looks- I despise
    You're a liar- I see it in your eyes
    I'm not gonna take this anymore
    It's only my life that Ima live for
    I'll never speak to you again
    Because that's your loss- the end.
    R.I.P. DESHAUN "PROOF" HOLTON
    (F)10/2/75-4/11/06(F)
    "THEY SAY THE GOOD DIE YOUNG...." WE'LL MISS YOU

  • #2
    If this were a rap, I could critique you better on this.

    Due to the fact it's not, I can't really judge a poem, because a poem really comes from a more personal level, I guess. Well, not really, but in poetry, it's more like free-versed, I guess I'm tryna say. Does anyone else understand what I'm sayin'?

    Like, the rules of poetry aren't as strict as the rules of rap, I guess.

    This was deep, is all I can say.

    You can get better feed if you posted this in the Poetry Forum - where it belongs.
    Love, live life, proceed, progress

    Comment


    • #3
      ^Word.

      Peace.
      P!

      Comment


      • #4
        yeah i gotcha... its all good.... thanks tho!
        R.I.P. DESHAUN "PROOF" HOLTON
        (F)10/2/75-4/11/06(F)
        "THEY SAY THE GOOD DIE YOUNG...." WE'LL MISS YOU

        Comment


        • #5
          It's a pretty simplistic poem, I mean it's excatly what it is. There's no searchin or unspokeness about it. For a blunt drab poem I guess it ain't bad, but it ain't wonderful either.
          The Silver Tounge Troublemaker

          I'm Kobe Bryant Ready

          With This Ego I Can Stand Here In A Speedo And Get Looked At Like A Fuckin' Hero.


          Got It?

          Comment


          • #6
            thanks for the honesty... i wrote it real quick out of anger... i was gonna write more but i didnt have the time... but i really appreciate the honesty... now i gots stuff to look out for when i write.
            R.I.P. DESHAUN "PROOF" HOLTON
            (F)10/2/75-4/11/06(F)
            "THEY SAY THE GOOD DIE YOUNG...." WE'LL MISS YOU

            Comment

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