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  • "Locked Up"

    Yeah, The Title Is Because I Am Writing This To "If I Get Locked Up Tonight" By Eminem.

    This Is Only A Start, I Just Want To Know If Any Of Ya'll Like It. I Wrote This All Quick, Didn't Really Think About It So I'm Not Sure How Good It Really Is...

    Edit: More Barz

    Theses Jail Barz Ain't Strong Enough To Hold Me Back
    Grab The Steel...Bend...Fold And Snap
    I Cracked My Back In 10 Places And Still Felt No Pain
    Hell Came Up And Tried To Burn, But I Melt Those Flames
    I Don't Play No Games, I Killed The Parker Brothers
    Held Me Under, Didn't Smother, Made Me Harder, Stronger
    I Can Hold My Breath Longer, Letz Play Chicken Ya Prick
    You Can't Win, Like Cold Weather I'll Be Spilttin' Ya Lip
    I'm Just Dippin' Into This Shit, I Haven't Reached Crazy Yet
    I've Been Poppin' Pills Before Dr. Dre Bleached Shady's Head
    Been Abusin' To Long From Percasets To Downers
    My Mom Could Never Stop Me, Worked Sets Around Her
    I Have A Rite Aid In My Basement, Pharamcist Of The Streets
    I'd Be Locked Up For Years If You Alarmed This To Police
    I Know You Have No Intrest In Life And Livin' It Man
    Kill You? No, But I'll Rip Off Your Arm And Give You A Hand
    I'm Not Livin' A Plan, My Damn Life Is To Spontaineous
    Wakin' Up Every Morning Just Tryin' To Be The Craziest
    The Zaniest, Windin' Up After School With Six Detentions
    Cuz I Went Streakin' Down The Hall Twice Just To Get Attention
    Be The First For A Suspension Was My New Years Resolution
    I'm A Straight Product Of Mother Nature Dude Fuck Evolution
    Some Tell Darwin' To Shove His Whole Fuckin' Book Up His Ass
    Humans Weren't Monkey's, He's Just Depressed Of How He Looked In His Past
    Voted Crook Of The Class, Looked Back, What I Learned Was Scary
    Fuck Banks, My Prized Stash Is Stealin' Virgin's Cherries
    Wickdly Sick With Spit Like I'm A Full Out Bullemic
    Practice Abstanince, Yea I Do, I Pull Out And Squeeze It
    Don't Need A Reason, If I Say It I Mean It, You Best Believe It
    Don't Keep Secrets, Just Blurt Everything Ou In The Open
    Hopin' You Eventually Realize Ya Moms Been Deep Throatin' (ME!!!)

    Yeah...Verse 1



    Thatz All I Got So Far...But I'm In School And Bord, So I
    Thought I'd Post It.
    Last edited by Axis; 03-22-2006, 03:13 PM.
    Download my new mixtape "Public Axis Vol. 1" http://www.sendspace.com/file/7527jn
    New Beats: www.soundclick.com/axisproductions
    Mixing/Mastering available! PM for details.

  • #2
    ...Fuck This Site For Real...
    Download my new mixtape "Public Axis Vol. 1" http://www.sendspace.com/file/7527jn
    New Beats: www.soundclick.com/axisproductions
    Mixing/Mastering available! PM for details.

    Comment


    • #3
      I like it. It's entertaining. Nice to see you experimentin' with different styles and not always bein' serious all the time.

      Peace.
      P!

      Comment


      • #4
        I'll read this when I'm sober.
        The Silver Tounge Troublemaker

        I'm Kobe Bryant Ready

        With This Ego I Can Stand Here In A Speedo And Get Looked At Like A Fuckin' Hero.


        Got It?

        Comment


        • #5
          Wow, this is pretty impresive for a rhyme that supposedly wasn't thought out at all.

          You had some impressive lines such as,

          "Hell Came Up And Tried To Burn, But I Melt Those Flames"

          and

          "I've Been Poppin' Pills Before Dr. Dre Bleached Shady's Head"

          It sounds like somethin' Eminem himself would write (back in the good ol' days).

          The multis were on point, the flow was rather impressing, and the vocab wasn't too astonishing, but good for what it was.

          I felt you didn't end it to the best of you potential, though. I don't really know how to help you with that - kinda keep like a cliff hanger, really.
          Love, live life, proceed, progress

          Comment


          • #6
            ^^
            did you read the bottom?? Itz said its not complete the verse is 32 barz lol...I finished the whoel thing today though...so i'll post the rest later...

            thnks for feed
            Download my new mixtape "Public Axis Vol. 1" http://www.sendspace.com/file/7527jn
            New Beats: www.soundclick.com/axisproductions
            Mixing/Mastering available! PM for details.

            Comment


            • #7
              FEed???
              Download my new mixtape "Public Axis Vol. 1" http://www.sendspace.com/file/7527jn
              New Beats: www.soundclick.com/axisproductions
              Mixing/Mastering available! PM for details.

              Comment


              • #8
                nice shit man really like it i agree wit symptom bout the popping pills line definatly sounds like something em would say in the old days.
                yall done fucked up now endagered the industry better be prepared it's the return of conspiracy

                Comment


                • #9
                  I liked the start but i felt it kinda lost my attention after a while, no offence. Like the start was crazy, it had me thinking of someone kinda invincible who can't be restrained and well i loved that imagery of how you melt the flames like Symptom said. I think that first part was great but the rest was kinda average in terms of topic matter but great lyrically and the flow was on point too. It's impressive don't get me wrong on that but if i had a criticism it would be that the impressive and invincibility of the start doesn't carry through the whole way but maybe you didn't intend it too i'm not sure. Still a nice refreshing piece and i really liked it. Peace!
                  twitter.com/thisistc

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    ^^
                    Thnks
                    Download my new mixtape "Public Axis Vol. 1" http://www.sendspace.com/file/7527jn
                    New Beats: www.soundclick.com/axisproductions
                    Mixing/Mastering available! PM for details.

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      it was aight...


                      i didnt expect anything special, but hey..you can write bettert than anyone i see in this forum
                      different

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        Was pretty good... Clever lines... ^ nothin special, like Maxwell House said...

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          Uppin ^^

                          Comment


                          • #14
                            Bump
                            Download my new mixtape "Public Axis Vol. 1" http://www.sendspace.com/file/7527jn
                            New Beats: www.soundclick.com/axisproductions
                            Mixing/Mastering available! PM for details.

                            Comment


                            • #15
                              Audio?

                              Comment

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