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first one ever written - be critical.

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  • first one ever written - be critical.

    aight i know the beginning is just shit, but there are some parts in here that i think are decent.

    anyways. feedback.


    i'm new to the game
    but i'll scrap just the same
    i'm known to mame
    and mug
    i already got your grave dug
    but i'll just look away and shrug
    cause i know i've won
    you're already done
    so quick
    coming at you like a ton of bricks
    yeah i'm just a chick
    i know i've got no dick
    but i've got enough balls
    to knock through these walls
    coming out screamin
    with my ears steamin
    EXPLICIT LYRICS
    Rest In Peace Proof
    Way too young, man.

  • #2
    Nice to see another female emcee (I'm one myself), but you for real are in bad need of some tuning of your lyrics. Try rapping about a subject next time, and make your lines longer, flow to a beat (hit the snares, every word that gets rhymed should hit the snares), and definitely up on your vocabulary. Once you have someone mastered that, you can definitely move on to progressing your rhyming scheme up to multis, or rhyming with more than one word, to make it a multiple syllable rhyme. Check out the raps on here, because most kids use them (especially me).

    Don't worry - in due time you'll get better.

    But what's sad, is that most rappers that are famous are at the same level you are at in lyricism, so don't feel too bad about that.
    Love, live life, proceed, progress

    Comment


    • #3
      real good advice. thank you
      EXPLICIT LYRICS
      Rest In Peace Proof
      Way too young, man.

      Comment


      • #4
        ^But what could also help you in your wordplay, and use of metaphores, and also help you stick to a subject, by using things you see, and producing your rhymes off of that (i.e., personals in a rap, such as using their signatures to your advantage to come up with some wordplay and punches), is battling. It can definitely help your overall rapping ability, not just in punchline rhyming, but also in the deeper aspects of rap, because you can incorporate a metaphor into anything.
        Love, live life, proceed, progress

        Comment


        • #5
          Try to not sound corny as fuck. Be clever with your lyrics if it's a boastin' rap. Do anythin' to take your lyrics on other levels. Take advantage of whatever you get like your education or what you see. Make somethin' creative outta it and still speak the truth. It can be the straight up truth or you can make a metaphors, punchline, pun, etc. outta it. Do whatever suits you though because not every tight rapper is a special at metaphors, punchline, wordplay, etc.

          Peace.
          P!

          Comment


          • #6
            I suggest to listen to a lot of rap, decide what kind suits you. Then, read this forum and other forums and see which people get the most props, then study what makes their writing good. Now, combine the kind of rapper you want to be with the writing technique you've picked up from other writers.

            It's a start.

            Comment


            • #7
              Follow me I'll show you what's good
              The Silver Tounge Troublemaker

              I'm Kobe Bryant Ready

              With This Ego I Can Stand Here In A Speedo And Get Looked At Like A Fuckin' Hero.


              Got It?

              Comment


              • #8
                ^^lol!
                Southern Intellect

                Its The Southern TakeOver
                Cruz

                Comment


                • #9
                  Originally posted by pandemic
                  Try to not sound corny as fuck.

                  haha i will admit, it is corny as fuck.
                  EXPLICIT LYRICS
                  Rest In Peace Proof
                  Way too young, man.

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    it was good... but i agree with the others... nice to see a female emcee!!!!
                    R.I.P. DESHAUN "PROOF" HOLTON
                    (F)10/2/75-4/11/06(F)
                    "THEY SAY THE GOOD DIE YOUNG...." WE'LL MISS YOU

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      Originally posted by J1979
                      aight i know the beginning is just shit, but there are some parts in here that i think are decent.
                      anyways. feedback.
                      i'm new to the game
                      but i'll scrap just the same
                      i'm known to mame
                      and mug
                      i already got your grave dug
                      but i'll just look away and shrug
                      cause i know i've won
                      you're already done
                      so quick
                      coming at you like a ton of bricks
                      yeah i'm just a chick
                      i know i've got no dick
                      but i've got enough balls
                      to knock through these walls
                      coming out screamin
                      with my ears steamin
                      Youve got your rythem down, and like they said before me, try using more vocab, not only to rhyme with, but in your sentence structure as well. You should also try to write a verse that only rhymes with compound words. You can also try telling a story, something that has happend to you, or something you have made up. From there use metaphors, be discriptive and make sure the verse has good flow. Hope that helps, Peace.

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        Originally posted by Symptom
                        Nice to see another female emcee (I'm one myself), but you for real are in bad need of some tuning of your lyrics. Try rapping about a subject next time, and make your lines longer, flow to a beat (hit the snares, every word that gets rhymed should hit the snares), and definitely up on your vocabulary. Once you have someone mastered that, you can definitely move on to progressing your rhyming scheme up to multis, or rhyming with more than one word, to make it a multiple syllable rhyme. Check out the raps on here, because most kids use them (especially me).
                        Don't worry - in due time you'll get better.
                        But what's sad, is that most rappers that are famous are at the same level you are at in lyricism, so don't feel too bad about that.
                        Damn, are you for real? You seem like a very intelligent female emcee. Cant wait to see one of your verses.

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          ^ She dropped a hot song erlier look at it ill bet youll like it!!!!111

                          Comment


                          • #14
                            Originally posted by WhiteGurl4D12
                            it was good... but i agree with the others... nice to see a female emcee!!!!
                            Don't Lie To Her...

                            Sorry But Itz Not All That Great, But Shit At Least It Rhymed, So People Drop In Here And Their Shit DOn't Even Rhyme...
                            Download my new mixtape "Public Axis Vol. 1" http://www.sendspace.com/file/7527jn
                            New Beats: www.soundclick.com/axisproductions
                            Mixing/Mastering available! PM for details.

                            Comment


                            • #15
                              Acidic - check out my rap "To Whom It May Concern," there's a few verses you can look at, buddy!
                              Love, live life, proceed, progress

                              Comment

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