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The Terrible Life [Rep For Constructive Feed]

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  • The Terrible Life [Rep For Constructive Feed]

    The Terrible Life [Unfinished]
    Audio


    lives gettin torn and Dismantled by Vandals
    wen dealers got more Ki's / keys then Pianos n Landlords
    people poppin Tablets thinkin they'll Manage
    i dont think they kno how many ppl die from this Habit
    and as a door closes, anovas Been Opend
    Addicts Havin needles on they Skin Like Lotions
    Kids Die Slowly, they sufferin on Each Day
    tryna be off the chain, like Free Slaves
    races Often Livin In Oppisisions
    a Quick Fight n a Swift Knife to be Of Ta Prison
    kids n alcohol, jus to Damage They Livers
    problems layer high like the Flats That They Live In
    a concrete jungle, a Place were No1 Cares
    i dunno bout you, but id Hate to Grow Up There
    the present, they cant See Nuthin Further
    i jus cant bare to look on the news n See Anova Murder


    ye, so.. rep for constructive feed, i tried to do a real deep verse, based on my views.. n i tried to lay off the multies n shit, may not be my best but what ever... i hav about 82950488 points total , so u shld be happy ... audio beat by BattleMe, so lets get the feed
    Last edited by DeVere; 04-10-2006, 10:33 AM.

  • #2
    Nice shit dogg
    ITS BEEN A WHILE BUT FireChild IS BACK

    Comment


    • #3
      thnx.

      Comment


      • #4
        i didnt really like it it, i dont mean it in a mean way, just my view, you said youself that it int your best n i agree with that, the flow sempt off, but when i usually read em im listenin to music so i dont know about that right now, you've still got the vocabulary n some multis in there n its still complex like you like it lol. Just wasnt really feelin it man but ya still had one or two good lines in there that i did like

        and as a door closes, anovas Been Opend
        Addicts Havin needles on they Skin Like Losions

        a concrete jungle, a Place were No1 Cares
        i dunno bout you, but id Hate to Grow Up There
        The last one i mentioned, i really liked, bein truthfull, thats what alot of rappers arnt
        OH HAI!

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        • #5
          thnx... and ye the flow is a lil off in sum places, i guess ill polish that wen the time comes.
          Last edited by DeVere; 04-06-2006, 12:59 PM.

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          • #6
            ...feed?

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            • #7
              I thought it was ok. Even though I liked the 'keys' line, the landlord par was kinda played. Reminds me of 50: "fuckin with more keys than a janitor" or something like that. I felt your honesty came through well, not trying to be tough or whatnot.

              The last line is true too, every day there seems to have been another murder/rape/kidnapping.
              Esteemed Entity

              Illusory|Retro Fo|DuPoint|Check|Fitz|Pawl Derty|InK|Teknique


              Check out my 4K post shoutoutz

              http://www.d12world.com/board/showthread.php?t=318243

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              • #8
                ^tru.. n thnx 4 the feed..

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                • #9
                  *ahem*......

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    Hm, this wasn't all that bad. Quite nice, acutally.

                    You had some good multis, and the vocab was kickin'. But "Manage" didn't rhyme with anything (that I caught) in the third line, or with anything else. Other than that, it's pretty hot. . . but then again, this line was used by Nelly:

                    tryna be off the chain, like Free Slaves
                    ^He might have worded it different. I'm not saying your biting, I'm just saying he said it and now it's played.

                    But my fave line definitely was this one:

                    Addicts Havin needles on they Skin Like Lotions
                    ^That was really creative.

                    Keep up the good and innovative work.

                    I'm looking forward to any future work you may compose.
                    Love, live life, proceed, progress

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      Originally posted by Symptom
                      But "Manage" didn't rhyme with anything (that I caught) in the third line, or with anything else.
                      I doesn't have to be perfect as long as it's close enough and flows well.

                      There are different ways that I know of to handle this piece. I would be you can simply add in a lot more emotion that comes from deep inside, and that would handle the track alone. You may try to add even more depth and description with the emotion. You can be more clever and creative with what you're sayin' as long as it's not corny.

                      You see that there are various ways of conductin' your style? You don't have to use all of 'em together, even though you could. What I'm sayin' is to find the style(s) that you work well with. You should also let other people pick their own styles as well. If they wanna use advanced multis and vocab and they suit 'em well, then that's definitely cool. But if that's not their style, don't force it upon 'em. They're not gonna make their lyrics better, so you people only tell wack lyricists to step up with their multis and vocab, their lyrics are still gonna be wack and they might become worse because complexity's what they're focusin' on. Metaphors, wordplay, punches, etc. might not even be suited for 'em. So instead teach them the basics of becomin' a good and rapper and allow 'em do things they're comfortable with so they can let out what they're good at. The reason I mention this so much is because I don't want the future of rap to be everybody conformin' to that one style people believe is a requirement, and many people may feel they aren't allowed display their style that they want. I don't want rap to have less variety. Potential and even current talented rappers may be lost because to that conformity.

                      Keep doin' ya thang. Peace.
                      P!

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                      • #12
                        ^I was just sayin'. I wasn't trying to be anal.

                        Afterall, he did say "Constructive feed".

                        Oh, well. I still love you, pandemic.
                        Love, live life, proceed, progress

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          thnx both of you....
                          symptom = i never listen to nelly any way, but if he uses it the bars not exceptable, ill replace it asap.

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                          • #14
                            .....

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                            • #15
                              uppin

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