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My First rap (please comment)

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  • My First rap (please comment)

    Yo, this is my first rap 'n' its probobly crap,
    but i sit here wit this pen 'n' pad on my lap.
    tryna think of somethin to rhyme about,
    but i waste my time coz i come up wit nought.
    My lifes full of shit so it shud be easy,
    even if its just about my girlfriend being sleazy.
    she's a muthafuckin whore,
    i don't even like her anymore.
    thats why i cheated on her with the girl nextdoor.
    i can't think of anythin else right now,
    but don't for fuck sake man don't have a cow.
    i'll be back wiv more,
    and thats for sure.

    please comment on what u think that is honestly my first ever rap and i wanna get good at rhyming so it would be nice to get some tips and feedback.
    R.I.P big Proof

    You will be remembered always Deshaun Holton

    1975-2006

  • #2
    That's not too bad for a first rap, but you definitely need to up/expand your vocabulary, so you can show some intelligence and some knowing/understanding as to what you are talking about.

    I suggest you start writing to beats to help fix your flow. The flow fell off at the end, and all that. Make sure your second line is a few syllables more than the first line, or just longer than the first line. When you rhyme to a beat, you hit the snares. Every word that you rhyme or, gets rhymed with another word, hits the snares - it gets said whenever the snare gets played. A bar is one line, but on the Internet it is two lines because someone perferred it that way. But a bar is measured with two snares, and you can count it - every two seconds a snare comes on, and after four seconds (usually) a bar is up.

    To help fix your lyrics, you should definitely start using some multis. Multis are basically just multiple syllable rhymes - more than one word gets rhymed at a time.

    Example:

    I had a tight flow, but then I stared-at-pencils
    I had an unskillful rap, but then I flared-up-missils

    Or

    Example:

    I had more than love to get some dedication
    Fixin' up my flow, so I could overcome this preperation

    See how "flared" rhymes with "stared", and "pencils" rhymed with "missils"? It's okay that the SMALL words didn't rhyme, such as "at" or "up," or something of the sort. And you see how "dedication" and "preperation" rhymed in all their syllables, but are just one word? That's a multi two, since more than one syllable was rhymed. And always make sure your multis are the same amount of syllables, otherwise your rap will be off flow.

    You should definitely work on wordplay, too. Get a little witty with your rhymes - make it sting as you rap.

    To help you keep going on a rhyme, think of a subject. It can be based upon your struggles, or based upon you just boastin' about yourself. You can even just write a story about anything. Whatever you do - just incorporate all that I've just taught you. Make it hot. And then after you just master being able to think of a subject, you should definitely start doing full songs - sixteen lines per verse is what most beats hold, and then the beat changes for the chorus, ya know? But some beats are different.

    I know this will take some time, but man - it's possible. I was worse then you whenever I started out, and I must say, I am a pretty good rapper (from what I'm told), but it takes time and dedication to reach a plateau to where you will be respected.

    I believe you can make that transition from a wack emcee, to a tight emcee.

    Keep practicin'.

    Your girl,
    Symptom
    Last edited by Symptom; 04-10-2006, 06:36 PM.
    Love, live life, proceed, progress

    Comment


    • #3
      i agree with symptom...
      R.I.P. DESHAUN "PROOF" HOLTON
      (F)10/2/75-4/11/06(F)
      "THEY SAY THE GOOD DIE YOUNG...." WE'LL MISS YOU

      Comment


      • #4
        symptom hit it right on the head.

        Another thing to keep in mind is to not let the hate get to you. Cats are going to diss what you do no matter what. Just keep at it, keep writing and keep trying to improve.

        A good website to test yr skills, whether it's battling or straight up lyrics, is http://s9.invisionfree.com/Fearless_Warriors/index.php?. That site has some cats who'll give you good,constructive criticism that WILL help you improve as an MC.
        Last edited by Thysmic; 04-10-2006, 11:44 PM.
        KING SHEAMUS

        Comment


        • #5
          yeah! listen to thysmic...
          R.I.P. DESHAUN "PROOF" HOLTON
          (F)10/2/75-4/11/06(F)
          "THEY SAY THE GOOD DIE YOUNG...." WE'LL MISS YOU

          Comment


          • #6
            I'm really drunk and your lucky that symptom is nice enough to explain what you need to do, because if it were up to me I wouldn't tell you what to do. Because if I gave you the right methods to become dope, then my money I'd be on dope, so fuck you best of luck and learn how to cope.




            TAKE AN ENGLISH CLASS, AND IN THE RAP GAME YOU'LL PASS.


            ^ by far my greatest advise ever where's my rep?
            Last edited by New Guy; 04-11-2006, 01:04 AM.
            The Silver Tounge Troublemaker

            I'm Kobe Bryant Ready

            With This Ego I Can Stand Here In A Speedo And Get Looked At Like A Fuckin' Hero.


            Got It?

            Comment


            • #7
              thanks symptom babe thats some extremly good advice and and thanks everyone else who helped me. i will give u all rep.
              R.I.P big Proof

              You will be remembered always Deshaun Holton

              1975-2006

              Comment


              • #8
                I agree with some of the points Symptom said, but read this as well:

                Originally posted by Pandemic
                There are different ways that I know of to handle this piece. I would be you can simply add in a lot more emotion that comes from deep inside, and that would handle the track alone. You may try to add even more depth and description with the emotion. You can be more clever and creative with what you're sayin' as long as it's not corny.

                You see that there are various ways of conductin' your style? You don't have to use all of 'em together, even though you could. What I'm sayin' is to find the style(s) that you work well with. You should also let other people pick their own styles as well. If they wanna use advanced multis and vocab and they suit 'em well, then that's definitely cool. But if that's not their style, don't force it upon 'em. They're not gonna make their lyrics better, so you people only tell wack lyricists to step up with their multis and vocab, their lyrics are still gonna be wack and they might become worse because complexity's what they're focusin' on. Metaphors, wordplay, punches, etc. might not even be suited for 'em. So instead teach them the basics of becomin' a good and rapper and allow 'em do things they're comfortable with so they can let out what they're good at. The reason I mention this so much is because I don't want the future of rap to be everybody conformin' to that one style people believe is a requirement, and many people may feel they aren't allowed display their style that they want. I don't want rap to have less variety. Potential and even current talented rappers may be lost because to that conformity.

                Keep doin' ya thang. Peace.
                In other words you need to know the basics, but you need to work with what you're comfortable with or get comfortable with shit you'd really like in your raps, but not comfortable yet. That could be multis and big words, but those aren't the basics; they're rather just bonuses.

                Just think of better ideas is what you definitely need. I don't like what you said. It could be said in a more creative way or with more emotion or both. You might wanna say shit in the form of metaphors and wordplay or you might not, but you still need to find ways to say your shit tight.

                Definite find ways to flow your lyrics to a beat and get a mic presence.

                Peace.
                P!

                Comment


                • #9
                  how the fuck you the devil's night
                  when he's (Devil) tha son of the morning
                  this beef shit is easy
                  u don't want yo momma to mourn man
                  go smoke marijuwana maybe then u'll make hits
                  i'ma platinum ass rappa u jus alumminum foil bitch
                  T.H.U.G L.I.F.E

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    LMAO... Thas all I got to say

                    Comment

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