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TOO DEEP (Where I am)

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  • TOO DEEP (Where I am)

    Ok I'm new but I'd like any veteren's feedback

    I'm Too Deep for you
    And your crew
    of silly little kids
    Who can't spit
    I spit art
    You can fart
    and laugh
    i hope you choke on your gas
    because where i am
    they weed people like you out
    Where i am
    Is somewhere man, many miles south
    of nowhere where I am
    Is too deep you'll drown
    where I am
    they won't let in you clowns
    you can't get where I am
    so stand outside the gates and frown
    Where I am
    It's color, outside it's brown
    Where I am
    Is better
    Where I am
    you can't call or write a letter
    Where I am
    Is in the presence of god
    Where I am
    I can chill with bleeding gums, and maude
    Where I am
    I have power over me
    Where I am
    You can't see
    Every year is getting shorter, never seem to find the time
    plans that either come to naught or half a page of scribbled lines
    hanging on in quiet desperation is the english way
    the time is gone the song is over, thought I'd something more to say
    I'm not your benevolent dictator, I'm your benevolent BOSS! - EZE

  • #2
    nice ghetto (inside joke)
    Call every one transexual /
    til you here my audio decibals/
    now thats professional/
    Major MC's/
    eatin wheaties/
    so hot give yo ass diabetes

    Comment


    • #3
      Nice ghetto it's no joke
      I forgot it maybe to much smoke
      but i don't care
      if anyone's out there
      please tell me
      I can't see
      I'm gone now
      But this I vow
      Where I am
      You can visit
      But Where I am
      They won't take your shit!
      I'm not your benevolent dictator, I'm your benevolent BOSS! - EZE

      Comment


      • #4
        I don't need random replies
        because i know most of them are lies
        I need the truth
        I don't think I'll get it from you.
        I'm ill, sick in the head
        I still, wish i was dead
        My face is turning red
        my mouth just bled
        for an hour and a half
        left for dead in the grass
        after my people left me
        left me for death see
        I'm going to die out here
        But have no fear
        Lunatik better leave me alone
        I'm never going home
        He's pestering me
        I wish he would leave!
        Get away!
        You're gay!
        No! I can't go back
        to the old way!
        Stop Making threats
        don't you realize they will get you dead
        Say some of that to me
        and you'll see
        I'm not your benevolent dictator, I'm your benevolent BOSS! - EZE

        Comment


        • #5
          ill tell you the truth.

          your lines are way too short, you got a nelly style goin on there.
          there arent any clever lines, metaphors, or punchlines
          the rhymin is way too basic and you using direct rhymin and rhyme more than one syllable

          then you'll improve
          http://dalux.dmusic.com

          Comment


          • #6
            Yo the truth is i wasnt feeling it. It had kind of a nice concept but it sounded like you were trying to force the theme, it just didnt flow naturally (in my mind anyway) Its not just that the rhymes were short its just they werent consistant, thay didnt fit together.
            I did like the "bleeding gums n maude" line though.Just keep at it, keep your own style and you'll win people over.

            PEACE
            The only thing worse than the wretched pain in my mouth is the excrement spewing from yours-Stewie Griffen

            ONLY GOD CAN JUDGE ME

            R.I.P ~ Tupac Shakur-my biggest musical inspiration…you are missed everyday

            Comment

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