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  • Second freestyle need advice

    This is some fucked up shit that just came to me over the past hour-that's probably cheating so I'm sorry. Can you proper mc's give a wannabe mc like me some advice. Cheers! Sorry about the length make sure you go right to the bottom. Sorry if you think it's cheesy!
    (By the way it needs to be done at a fairly slow pace like Bizarre)

    Sit down over there turn on and don't piss me off,
    I have the power to make you more than just cough,
    I'm the man behind you with the rusty chain,
    I can make you disappear like that guy David Blaine.
    I learnt these tricks from that killer they call Jason,
    Before I ripped off his mask and put a new face on him,
    Don't think you can run away and start anew,
    Whatever happens I'll come looking for you,
    I'm so angry I can't remember how to swear,
    Why did you ever even enter my lair,
    Want to know the reason I brought this chain,
    It makes you understand what I'm trying to explain,
    If not I can always rip out your vocal chords,
    Stand back watch you choke and savour the applause,
    Well with this gun to their heads they don't have a choice,
    Just do what I say and don't use your voice.
    Anyway it's time to begin my scared little friend,
    After I'm finished Hell will be your God send

    There's just two of me,
    Two people inside of my head,
    The other contradicting what the other just said.
    This ain't a question of sexuality,
    Man I'm straight just a case of split personality.

    I'm sorry did I just say that,
    Please forgive me I'm really just a pussy cat,
    Sometimes there's a side I can't control,
    The lights ain't on my brain let's the anger just roll
    Now run before the evil part gets back,
    If he does I fear you'll be leaving in a sack....... Sorry


    For all of you who took the time and read it cheers. Sorry it was so long after I got started it just flowed. Sorry it's a bit cheesy but it's a start. Thanx for any feedback.
    SkItTlEs
    http://slickjesus.homestead.com/files/skittle.gif

    The greatest trick the devil ever pulled was convincing the world he didn't exist

    AIM: SkittlesRap
    MSN: [email protected]

    Thanx to everyone for making me feel so welcome and I look forward to meeting all my fellow UK derty heads.

  • #2
    u hard on your self it wasnt dat bad when i first started i was way worse i sy work on your word play

    (example just sumtin i made up) "my ryhmes r stratigic unlike yours that r as slow as a parapaligic/ walkin your sicker then a old man stalkin/"..............

    your flow is good but u need a bigger vocab wit dat flow
    (example) i cant b interupted but with enough money i can curupted/just like a volcano i erupted on the mike fuck u up like a dike/ on prozack watch out im on a lyrical attack/

    and u gotta get creative idead and shits dats funny
    my father raped my balls cuz there disconected just like jesus but only my balls resurected/ god carefully selcted me and infected me/ with the holy spirit ive learned to fear it/

    and develop your own style if u need any more help im here
    if i kill u will u scream???

    Comment


    • #3
      Thanx for the advice. I realise I need a bigger vocab it's just that I've been listening to D-12 alot recently and as you say I should develop my style and so I was wary about what I put in case it was sort of a rip-off. Cheers anyway for the feedback.
      http://slickjesus.homestead.com/files/skittle.gif

      The greatest trick the devil ever pulled was convincing the world he didn't exist

      AIM: SkittlesRap
      MSN: [email protected]

      Thanx to everyone for making me feel so welcome and I look forward to meeting all my fellow UK derty heads.

      Comment


      • #4
        Aight...

        The flows good, as in, the bars are the right length and if you were to spit it on the MIC then it would all connect together an shit...BUT...Ima bit critical about ya style:

        'ABAB'

        "I'm the man behind you with the rusty chain,
        I can make you disappear like that guy David Blaine."

        Chain, Blaine, Jason, Him, Anew, You...see what I mean?
        We've all started off doin the ABAB style, its just a matter of practice...read some of the battles on the battle boards and many styles are used, like 4 sylabells in one line which always results in a dope line...just keep checkin the boards for ideas...take tips from cats like Gruesome, Emyhr, Xplicit and the others...and like's already bin sed..you need to extend your vocab a little and introduce some more complex words into ure rhymes...

        LaTeRz

        Comment


        • #5
          listen to so solid playa the guy helped my style by tons
          if i kill u will u scream???

          Comment


          • #6
            skittles you are way to hard on yourself man if you keep writing you'll getbetter. There were some pretty tight lines in there and don't worry you're no battlin'nyone so don't be afraid to think about your shit before you post it. Keep posting and watch yourself improve.

            People vote on thecrippla vs. rabidlab battle!
            I'm convinced future MC's are sending robots back in time
            as we speak to kill my mother before I'm born

            Comment

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