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"Punished and Out" - P. Evil INCOMPLETE

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  • "Punished and Out" - P. Evil INCOMPLETE

    *****, watch where you goin’! you nearly stepped on ma Krepz!
    Do it again? And I’ll make you wish you minded your Step,
    Don’t make me hurt You and ya family Too,
    Coz my blood stained Knife’ll be
    Cuttin’ through ya Wind Pipe,
    What you gonna do? You cant Fight for your Life,
    So my Knife’ll be great to cut through ya Wife in the Night,
    My Might’ll give that extra Strife,
    To Ignite ya moms sex Life,
    Fuck her in the dark and remain outta Sight,
    You betta not complain, right? Iite,
    Coz if you do, the pain’ll be Unbearable,
    But if you don’t? I wont lay a Hair On You,
    Undastandable?
    Another word and I’ll smack you witta Bi-able,
    So don’t next time you think “Fuck it, I’ma Lie To You”,
    This Chick be wantin’ Dick?
    Well Bitch, first you gotta roll witta Click,
    Make sure they Hard, like St. Bernard,
    Make sure they killaz from the Start, and are built the Part,
    To Kill, I’m Ill, Superficial, Incredible, Understadable and Humadible,
    Hazardable, OFF WITH HIS HEAD! yet I’m Casual, but not Handable,
    Nor am I Hannibal, I don’t eat Bitches I jus’ Ride Bitches,
    Nor am I a necrophiliac, I like Live Bitches,
    I’M STILL ALIVE BITCHES!!
    You ain’t killed me Yet,
    So I’ll keep runnin ma mouth till im finally Dead,
    Don’t fuck wit ma click or ya crew’ll be down to Zero,
    Coz you’ll be fuckin wit the click wit the neighbour hood super Hero,
    And I will shoot you if you don’t cough up that Deniero,
    I’ll even go to Bank America and jack other Peoples C-Notes,
    STOP! I need to breathe Though,
    I’ll get ma boys to do it and when I want the money I’ll say Go,
    You got a better chance of catchin’ me then Shaq makin’ a Free-Throw,
    That’s still a snow balls Chance in Hell,
    Coz while you lookin’ for me I’ll have Enhanced my Wealth,
    Is it a state of mind? Or is it inside Myself?
    Coz I’m willin’ to forget about life for the love of Wealth,
    Don’t come after me with Stealth, jus ask some fools for Help,
    Don’t bring no pigs and have them point a gun and yell Stop,
    Coz I’ll have already reached for my Glock and blown his fuckin’ head Off,
    How I’ll die? I know I’ll die in a Cell,
    Or I’ll point this gun at me and shoot Myself,
    Suicide? battle? Fuck it, I’ll die not worrying about my Health,
    So I’ll end this tune with a Fuck You and see you in Hell!!


    dunno bout this 1 myself

    will red for feed!!

    and if anyone else wants to lay some bars down then go for it lol
    propz
    Last edited by P Evil; 04-20-2006, 03:21 PM.
    All this talk of blood and slaying has put me off my tea.

  • #2
    7/10 some nice ryhmes and some of it was funny, but i think the flow is off in places. I like the theme though
    http://www.myspace.com/ferociousproductions


    slit your Guttural, like a butter roll
    blood will flood a pool, fuck your slut, nut in her hole..

    Comment


    • #3
      propz ***** repped,

      any more?

      EDIT: You must spread some Reputation around before giving it to Semtex again.
      ill get u soon as *****
      All this talk of blood and slaying has put me off my tea.

      Comment


      • #4
        bump
        All this talk of blood and slaying has put me off my tea.

        Comment


        • #5
          That's pretty wack, no offense. You most definitely need to write to a beat so that way you can get your flow right. When you write to a beat, every word you rhyme, like at the end of your bars, should match up with the snares in the beat. Just hit the snares, basically. (Oh, and by the way, outside of the Internet, like when you're rappin' on beats, a bar is just one line.)

          For you lyrics, you need to most definitely improve your vocabulary, although you had some nice lines like this one:

          To Kill, I’m Ill, Superficial, Incredible, Understadable and Humadible,
          Hazardable, OFF WITH HIS HEAD! yet I’m Casual, but not Handable,
          Nor am I Hannibal,
          ^That was the best out of this whole rap. You could have just posted that and I would have been very impressed.

          But the rest is all beginner looking ish, and real wack. No complexity, nor is there a complete flow until you get to the ending. Make sure your lines are somwhere in between 11-15 syllables, making your first line shorter than your second line, if you want the flow to sound best.

          You should most defintely come more creative in your lines, and up on your multiple-syllable rhyming (multis).

          Just keep practicing.
          Love, live life, proceed, progress

          Comment


          • #6
            o right...
            cant say that didnt whipe the smile from my face but least its honesty i suppose
            All this talk of blood and slaying has put me off my tea.

            Comment


            • #7
              ^Yo, I felt the same way whenever I first started out. You may feel bad now, but once you incorpoarte all those into play, you'll realize it was worth the brutal honesty, rather than some sugar-coated response because that once person either doesn't know how to accurately evaluate a rap, or they are just trying to be nice. Because once you get that reaction from rappers that can interpret a good lyric, that's when you'll feel real good and glad that someone pointed out the basics to you.

              It's all worth it in the end, man.
              Love, live life, proceed, progress

              Comment


              • #8
                iite its kl brah, im glad u woz honest n shit...jus callin it "wack" hurt a bit is all. but it was my first so yeah.
                All this talk of blood and slaying has put me off my tea.

                Comment

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