"Give Back."-Ridiculous Rick

[New Guy]

"Give Back"- Ridiculous Rick

Verse #1:
I'm searchin for perks, with no gas ta get to work,
My stomach hurts, so I'm actin' like a jerk,
And I know past due bill lerk, in my mailbox,
Sittin' in the rockies but I ain't flashin rocks,
I'm stuck somewhere between gourmet and slop,
It all seems the same, watered down and mundane,
I see beauty in portaits that to others seem plain,
Showin' motion, with blood & tear drenched devotion,
Swingin' swift cause they'd love to see my demotion,
But I never felt like I got raised, it's a phase,
I must be gettin punked and played these days,
Writin' intellect text but I'm cashin' bum checks,
Waitin' ta collect, with pockets filled with lint specks,
So I tune to these tracks, that help me adapt,
They've been good to me so it's time to give back.



Ending Comments:
Some new shit I wrote quickly just to get something out, don't want to stay idle for to long let me know what you think.

[.Profound.]

Need more multis and wordplay.

[New Guy]

Good lookin' out on the feedback, but other then wordplay and mutli's how'd you feel about it?

[New Guy]

Holla.

[.Profound.]

oh, It was nice, couple parts I didn't get but work on multis and wordplay and keep flow and it you should be great in no time.

[New Guy]

^

[New Guy]

Uppin'.

[moxie]

It's okay, but it lacked punch man. There were no misses, but you weren't swinging very hard- change a couple of lines into haymakers and this will be hot.

It seems like you started with something to say, and then rhymed about it. I usually wait until I think of a hotass lyric, and build the song around that. Your way is a lot harder, but still possible man you just gotta keep that hotness in mind.