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    This should be a lot better than my last post, I actually wrote somethin out this time.
    It's called "raised blind'

    Raised blind so how can you expect/
    to raise mine they'll never get the check/
    of reality that they need/
    what's sex, what's a glock, what's weed/
    these are the questions that'll be raised/
    answer these questions but you would rather save/
    the time that it takes to make em realize/
    but their minds need time to find/
    the truth that you would rather hide/

    so i urge you/
    see what your words do/
    to teach a young child growin up in lies/
    set out in the wild and you will hear their cries/
    for help cause they never learned how to/
    defend a brotha, send a brotha/
    roll out and bend a motha/
    fuckers come out, talkin shit/
    don't quit/
    but some of us learned how to come out and spit/
    some fucked up rhymes/
    so that every single time/
    anotha brotha wanna come out and fight/
    we do what's right and we rock the damn mic

    verse 2

    My words are weapons/
    well Em aint lyin/
    my words are weapons/
    watch it my pen is tryin/
    to write the word/
    like pac, when he shocked the world/
    topless girls, jobless girls/
    how bout we come togetha and we stop these girls/
    from screwin up their lives/
    and make em think twice
    about what's their decisions
    like shootin up syringes/
    and goin on binges/
    cause they think they're fat/
    and why is that?
    cuz the world tells em so/
    the world says go and become a ho/
    cuz there's money in the game and you gotta go make it/
    but there's too much shame and soon they can't take it/
    now they slittin they wrist and commitin suicide/
    Amanda you're pissed and that's you inside/
    you abide by the rules of gossip/
    now you tossin/
    and turnin in your bed/
    check your head/
    cuz in the end you'll be hearin what I said.

    Tell me what you think
    What the hell can i say I'm just a rookie/ but if you happen to come my way don't over look me

    wins:

    losses: Johnny Blazez

    "I couldn't help but notice your pain"

    -"My pain?"

    "It runs deep...share it with me!"

  • #2
    aiight dude your big problem is your rhymin mid-sentance, that hangs it up and makes it hard to read/understand. try rhyming at the end of sentances and use less fillers. and it seems to me your trying to hard, don't think just write let the rhymes come to you. and try to write about shit you know. from what i can tell by your rhymes you've smoked bud once but you want the world to think your a pothead. i can tell your just starting out so keep it up. run through your rhymes a couple time to make sure it doesn't hang up anywhere before you post. oh and stop rhyming single sylables try to rhyme at least 2. good luck.. keep it up.. one

    Comment


    • #3
      Thats betta man, but you need to take yourself away from eminem....example......,

      My words are weapons/
      well Em aint lyin/
      my words are weapons/
      When I read shit like that, Im just thinking that you "wanna be" eminem......just write down what your thinking "personally" then you will develop your own style......

      PeAcE oUt

      XPLICIT
      www.canibusworld.com

      Comment


      • #4
        metaforik

        thanks for the word, but I aint no pothead, and i wan't tryin to say it either, i was just sayin, some kids are blinded from the truth and don't know shit, cuz their grown up in an enviroment where they are too sheltered.

        thanks for the tips
        What the hell can i say I'm just a rookie/ but if you happen to come my way don't over look me

        wins:

        losses: Johnny Blazez

        "I couldn't help but notice your pain"

        -"My pain?"

        "It runs deep...share it with me!"

        Comment


        • #5
          Hey, I gave you props aswell.......

          How about you peeps vote on mine and scarfaces battle on battle board......

          www.canibusworld.com

          Comment


          • #6
            xplicit

            thanks xplicit

            I'll be chekin your shit out
            What the hell can i say I'm just a rookie/ but if you happen to come my way don't over look me

            wins:

            losses: Johnny Blazez

            "I couldn't help but notice your pain"

            -"My pain?"

            "It runs deep...share it with me!"

            Comment


            • #7
              HAHA.....its ok man, I was only messing..........
              www.canibusworld.com

              Comment


              • #8
                has anybody heard the song "girls", it's new shit by em, it's tight
                What the hell can i say I'm just a rookie/ but if you happen to come my way don't over look me

                wins:

                losses: Johnny Blazez

                "I couldn't help but notice your pain"

                -"My pain?"

                "It runs deep...share it with me!"

                Comment

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