i know dis is sh*t.

[MrsShady]

no 1 knows wot kinda sh*t im in/ma life's done in/its in da bin/its trash/ive been slashed/dats rite/im bleedin/theres no relievin/for pain like dis/dismissed/from fun, pleasure/and from gain/alone/ im like sh*t stinking/for far too long/ill go/goin/gone/alone/wit no one to turn to/like dat kid from secondry skool/runnin round with a parker pen/all she wnted was some friends/ my familys fuc*ed/like my eyebrows/they've been plucked/from the gates of hell/i fell/deeper in the well/like a pit/cold/i get old/wonderin if its my time to go.

its not long. plzzz give some advice, as u can c, its needed.

[MrsShady]

hey plzzzz give me ur comment on this.plzzzzz!!

[DirtyGirly87]

Hey, im not dising cause my freestyles need working on to, but i think you could make it better if you put more creative writting in it and metaphores, but you will get better i dont know if your just starting out or not but i did not that long ago and im not that good but ill keep practicing and hopefully ill get better
peace

[Cad03]

DIRTY LET ME HEAR YA RHYME, IM ME

[MrsShady]

thanx for dat piece of advice! ive jus started out, mabe dats y im so shit! dat was jus me 2nd freestyel.

[DirtyGirly87]

no your not shit its just everyone needs to work on there stuff ive only had 4 so im not that far ahead of you, if you want to check them out there in the tread "rate me babby" .......tell me what you think
bye,
~JeNnIfEr~

[MrsShady]

hey thanx again for dat piece of advice, n e one wanna leave summin, plzzz feel free!!!