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Shutup, PLEASE GIMME FEEDBACK!!!

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  • Shutup, PLEASE GIMME FEEDBACK!!!

    Hey everyone, here's a rhyme I just wrote today called: Shutup

    Please gimme some feedback, like on a scale from 1 to 10, what y'all think?

    All the world ever feels towards me is hatred
    Don't touch me I'm sacred
    X Rated
    Never Noticed
    I'm Faded
    While Aerosmith keeps droppin gay ass shit like "Jaded"
    Sometimes I feel like this whole fuckin world is against me
    No one ever takes me seriously
    I used to hit things head on fearlessly
    But I became rejected by society
    I used to beg god to let someone notice me
    (Please!)
    It's like I've been infected with some kind of disease
    It was kind of hard to except myself
    When no one else would
    It was like no one knew how I felt
    So misunderstood
    I got tired of being an outcast
    The pain I felt was vast
    How insane I went
    I was aghast
    But I eventually accepted myself
    No matter how demented and disturbed
    I knew it was the only way the pain could be cured
    Look what you've done world
    Now I'm completely corrupted
    This is my story told
    But I've adjusted
    Here's a final statement
    Fuck it

    SHUTUP!
    People just quit fuckin' with my mind
    SHUTUP!
    Now I do crazy shit all the time
    SHUTUP!
    Y'all leave me to scared to write a rhyme
    JUST SHUT THE FUCK UP!
    SHUTUP!

    Dark lyrics from a fucked up life
    Demented mind filled with strife
    You could have prevented crime
    If when I was ten years old you took away that knife
    But I grew angrier
    It was obvious that I was heading for danger
    I started to become more aggresive
    I started to become possesive
    Of everything
    Anything
    I couldn't think straight
    Thoughts of hate
    I was beginning to think its fate
    People underestimate
    What I can do
    No one ever appreciates
    Me
    If back then they knew
    That this is what I'd turn to
    I don't care anymore
    Fuck this world
    And Fuck you

    SHUTUP!
    People just quit fuckin' with my mind
    SHUTUP!
    Now I do crazy shit all the time
    SHUTUP!
    Y'all leave me to scared to write a rhyme
    JUST SHUT THE FUCK UP!
    SHUTUP!
    Status:

    [ Lyrically Ripped Apart ]
    ~ Profanity
    ~ X-TACY
    ~ The Slick Jesus
    ~ DJ Scidazals

    [ Tha Hot Emcees ]
    ~ Prominant
    ~ The Invincible
    ~ Dark-Druid
    ~ PurpleHaze2701
    ~ Eyerone


    My Crew:

    [ Kurrupted Mindz ]
    ~ PoiZonous ExiZtance
    ~ Dark-Druid
    ~ Jehu

    [ Other Doggz ]
    ~ Cad
    ~ The Slick Jesus
    ~ Prominant
    ~ Lyrikally Lost
    ~ The Invincible
    ~ ShAdY D12 DiVa


    Signature:

    [ PoiZonous E. ]
    ~ I am the PoiZonous ExiZtance
    ~ Tha Toxic Death
    ~ I come here to slit wrists
    ~ To strip you of your every last breath

  • #2
    I like the theme of the song, kinda depressin but its aight...altho...your bars are too short and that needs to b worked on, cuz it sounds more like a poem, and you also need some Multi's in there to improve the quality of your bars...still, nice rhyme

    Comment

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