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new style, rep for feedback

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  • new style, rep for feedback

    instead of just rap, i also write rock music, let me know what you think


    (Hook)
    Follow me thru this journey into the darkness
    the hopeless- dreamless and heartless
    the nightmares of life begins and all the good things come to an end
    the world becomes your enemie where the devil is your friend
    time just stops as life takes you on a spin

    (Chorus)
    Journey into darkness, from the hollow pit of pain
    hopeless and heartless- and a shallow fit of shame
    from rays of light to black- cold- hard rain
    it's a journey into darkness- and the devil takes his aim
    awaitin you to follow the sins and play his game
    doomed to fall into the hole- and say his name

    (Verse)
    Everything you hoped for--- gone so quick
    and the things you wish to keep- never seem to stick
    what once lifted your spirits-- fell into a meaningless pit
    the girl you fell in love with-- just became a witch
    and all the words you ever wanted to say has came to this

    (Bridge)X5
    FUCK IT ALL

    (Verse)
    your best friend stabbed you in the back
    and every day you seem to feel trapped
    and the sun-shine has turned to black
    and all the worst have just been stacked
    your boss is giving you a hard time
    you want a full schudle but you only work part time
    got you wishin the worst- got so much on your mind
    you want to take the first person you see and rip them apart
    cuz everybody has reached deep inside you and ripped out your heart
    and all the love you once had has gone away
    and there's only one thing you want to say

    (Bridge)x5

    (Hook)/(Chorus)

    (Verse)
    You kept it all held so tight---so deep inside
    now you feel like--- your heart is open wide
    and now it's all about your hope and pride
    and your sick of everything being kept away
    you did all you can---no theres just one thing left to say

    (Bridge)x5

    now that you let it all go-- and got it off of your chest
    your tryin to move on and see whats next
    got your eye's closed tight and hands folded right
    tryin to speak to him- but theres no angel in sight
    cuz the devil done came-- and took all the light
    but you still keep it together and put up a fight
    tryin to excape from the pathway of darkness
    and get away from the bad- the ugly- and the heartless
    and just tryin to move it all away
    and all you really wanna say

    (Bridge)x5
    Last edited by D'Evil1; 05-29-2008, 11:51 AM.

  • #2
    uppin this

    Comment


    • #3
      a little dark and disturbing but at heart we are hurdling
      from the marks and the scars, we're at par from the burning
      and the burden of the bars we are hardly observing
      while we're parked in the parch-ness the darkness is surging

      this is tight, shit we've all felt and been through....nice switch in style man
      “If you keep coming back that only means you know you lost the fight...
      But their pride just won’t let em, insides like go get em
      and I’m just like, why you trying to fight momentum” EMINEM

      Comment


      • #4
        yeah i started listining to my godsmack music again and got ideas for alot of new rock songs, which is the style i began with along ass time ago

        Comment


        • #5
          *Will Feed Tonight*

          Upping This.
          Go Cubs! It's Their Season Baby!

          Comment


          • #6
            Hook - First Off, You Need To Re-Word That First Line. From "Into This Journey Into The". The Whole Repeating Of "Into" Kind Of Throws It Off. For The Hook As A Whole Though, Nothing Too Bad About It. Just Straight To The Point. Good Job.

            Chorus - Decent Chorus Here. Once Again, Just Tying Everything Up Together To Make A Point.

            Verse 1 - I Liked This Little Section Right Here. Especially That 2nd Line. That's Real Shit There.

            Verse 2 - Decent Little Verse Here. Nothing Really A Stand Out, But Decent Nonetheless.

            Verse 3 - Alright....Leading Up To The Following Verse....

            Verse 4 - This One Was A Tiny Bit Better Than The 2nd One IMO. I Liked That "Darkness-Heartless" Bar So Good Work There.


            Overall: This Was A Decent Piece. Only Thing I Feel You Should Do Is Up Your Vocab A Little Bit And Not Be So Simple With It. Other Than That Just Keep Writing And Elevating Bro. All You Got To Do.
            Go Cubs! It's Their Season Baby!

            Comment


            • #7
              I like this peice..
              people i would liek to meet: marshall mathers, d12, JMart, THE MAN, DiRtY JaSoN,

              Comment


              • #8
                Now if that isnt a way to make the reader feel your pain then I dont know what is. Reminded me of me going through a really bad patch n writing the following
                "Imagine loosing all that you own in one day,
                Learning that life will never go your way,
                Learning that those who you thought you could trust,
                Would rip you apart for two minutes of lust.."

                Unfortunately mate the cold truth to this world is there is a very limited ammount of people you really can trust, and usually they are at least one of the ones who bought you into this world, and yourself. If your lucky enough to find real love, then dont be a mug, keep hold of it forever. But as they say, every cloud has a sliver lining, and I hope things work out for you mate This was a really really good piece to read in the respect that the reader really can tune in.

                No matter how hard or low you fall, you always end up on top of something...
                Taylor

                Adrenaline peaks when someone relevant speaks....

                www.myspace.com/taylorsmusicuk

                Comment


                • #9
                  Originally posted by Taylor View Post
                  No matter how hard or low you fall, you always end up on top of something...
                  Nice feed Taylor

                  the quote above.....never looked at it like that
                  “If you keep coming back that only means you know you lost the fight...
                  But their pride just won’t let em, insides like go get em
                  and I’m just like, why you trying to fight momentum” EMINEM

                  Comment

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