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  • Eight Month

    For my ex, Susan.


    Tilt your head up a little; I canít quite see the apple in your eye,
    Youíre fed up, & youíre brittle,
    Like the vegetarian farmer, when the cattle dies.
    I rattle sighs, strange, but Iíd never let a negative moment settle,
    Causeí my moods would change &,
    Iíd sever the stem of our woven petal.
    A token, so gentle, isnít exactly an inspired motive in modern-times,
    & You canít call me a liar, I wrote this,
    Notepad of my minds, forgotten lines.
    Forgotten times, makes it hard to believe thereís hate between us,
    But the separation was to relieve,
    That claustrophobic feel, my personal misdemeanour.
    My worlds of misses, but keeps me keener for that glorified success,
    These girls, these wishes, useless..
    In a clearer term, Iím a purified mess.
    Fortified & blessed, like my love, scared of looking dead into the barrel,
    Too insecure for the plunge, I conceded,
    As I pitched forks in the road, & dug the gravel.
    Slammed the gavel & relived my next fable, the ball was in my court,
    But it wasnít the sex, you just wasnít able,
    To keep me hauled, in your love.

    You wanted a song about you, well here you are,
    It tells you the rights & wrongs, the umís & ahís,
    The trials & tribulations, about the time we spent,
    On file, itís a contribution to you, a rhyme by pen.


    Iíll be the first to admit I ainít perfect, God just didnít add that ingredient,
    But I do hope my words affect, & adapt,
    To you, in the same way water do to amphibians.
    & Iím not the best with modern logistics, so Iím not into commitment,
    But Iím pressed with rotten linguistics,
    That I usually come with when.
    Iím in a tight corner & confronted, so my words are forced & blunted,
    Which left you shunted & really, Iím sorry,
    But this break-up is all I wanted.
    Daunting, Iíll rake up the old leaves & debris from our collapsed past,
    & Iíll make it up to you, with these,
    Lines, & February will feel like an elapsed gap.
    I realised I had, to tell you, as sudden as my predictable future unveiled,
    Honestly, visions of kids & wooden cradles,
    Became more susceptible to reality, as fun failed.
    To be the priority of my thoughts, so my mind became liable & caught,
    See, the majority of my doubts thwart,
    On my insecurities, & take direct routes to abort.
    Any sign of devotion or focus, but I canít help showing emotion with photos,
    Causeí with each captured moment,
    There'd always be the negatives, itís hopeless.

  • #2
    wack...

    Comment


    • #3
      ok, one things for certain. I'm obviously the best Open Mic head on this board, & others.. so your no doubt a jealous hater with an alias. I've actually looked at your writing ability, & you have no room whatsoever to be judgemental, you have no idea about writing.

      Don't matter tho, keep on.. i only value dope heads opinions anyway, & I never get a bad reply.

      Comment


      • #4
        peelyourcap SHUT THE FUCK UP. please...tell me...


        where exactly does 'wack' associate with even 1 line of this poem?


        you have no idea.


        as for you rev...i get more impressed with you all the time. that was deep, heart felt shit. i am feeling that soooo much!!!

        again, like your last poem, you use words to the maximum, emphasising the ups and downs you've gone through, and gave the reader a real sense of focus upon the whole matter. keep dropping shit like this...


        i really do enjoy reading your stuff...again...


        props hubby

        Comment


        • #5
          Jeepers, the rhymes scheme was just too nice..

          Differet kinda pattern to what I'm used to. Whilst it clearly rhymes, there are fractions of this that delve into actual poetry.. where the content becomes more important that the actual flow..

          lots of good grammar, which has been used properly.. a lot of open micers put 'big words' in and it totally throws off the content coz it doesn't fit..

          nice story. Somethin I think we're all familiar with to a degree.. I know i could relate..

          nice work mayne..
          "Get Busy Livin' or Get Busy Dyin'.. Thats God Damn Right"

          Comment


          • #6
            The whole subject matter is wack.. I could give fuck about your old girlfriend and how you feel about her. Its to indepth and is very boring.. like i said before just because you use big words and correct vocabulary does not make the shit in anyway good. I like to hear about interesting shit.. and there for your shit is W A C K. I would really love to hear you flow this out loud because it just doesnt seem to flow. Lady do not talk shit to me cuz your a wack ass bitch too. Eminem is a faggot. First off he dont write all his flows.. and they suck anyways.. not to mention he dont give a shit about you hes only in the music biz all for the cha-ching$$$$!!!!!

            Comment


            • #7
              ^ noob.

              You probably don't care about my ex, neither do I to an extent, but to say it's wack is just, well, plain ignorance, it's far, far from it.

              Interesting shit? what, like .. guns, drugs, the streets .. ? yeah, that kinda' got boring in text about 2 years ago.

              If it doesn't "seem to flow" then your reading it wrong, which is why I don't value your weak responses, you have no back up.

              Basically, your pissed cause' I called your shit wack, spamming my threads just makes you look rediculous, more so than your feedback already is.

              & tell me, where did eminem come into the conversation ??

              Noobs these days, tisk.

              Comment


              • #8
                Don't mind him, he's just jealous he doesn't have the education or vocabulary to formulate a single response that supports any knowledge about the given subject.

                Your shit is hot, you've got great vocab and depth. This is more poetic than "rap", but nonetheless it is good.

                keep it up.
                I survived the D12world Wipeout and all I got was this crappy sig with no pic.

                Comment


                • #9
                  oh yeah, props to div & lady for reading, at least some people aren't too uneducated to understand. Word Ian, I know you can relate man.. women with kids n ish, heh. & wifey, thanks for peepin

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    Man all im saying is you need something fresh. I mean alittle somthing like out of the ordinary. Get crazy with the shit. Your subject is not mind boggling, its boring. If you have ever listened to ICP... (which im sure you dont like because you have heard only a couple songs and dont know what they are about...) they have flows that make you think.. about the world.. life as it is....and they take you in to a imaginary world with crazy rhymes. Now im not just talking about ICP.. im talking about the whole Psychopathic Records Family...Twiztid... Blaze... ABK..PsyhopathicRydas. and even people that are down with the clown.. like 36 mafia..and Esham... Kottonmouth Kings...Fallguy.. now i know and you know that not every song of eveyones is the best.. but if you took the time to head the message from each you would see the intent of their music is fucken awesome..

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      Originally posted by peelyourcap
                      they have flows that make you think.. about the world.. life as it is..
                      Thats all well and good, but if you couldn't relate to that material, you'd find it "wack"..

                      Content in open mic's changes.. its what the writer is feeling at that moment. I can almost guarantee that Revenant's next piece won't be about a relationship, coz he'll have moved on to a different influence..

                      Open Mic'ing is a fuckin expression.. when will u herbs learn that?

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        word ^

                        Open mic's are an expression of writing, the writer is free to write about what's on his/her mind, not some fictional "i'm crazy & i'll stab you with this switch blade" .. Them "clowns" don't appeal to me, I've heard a couple tracks, I ain't interested in the slightest.

                        You need to expand your horizons more than you have done, cause' by saying someone's wack cause' they write about something you can't relate to, is bullshit really. It's just ignorant.

                        My last few Open mic's have been about relationships, cause' I have a lot to write about them, I'm not going to change cause' YOU personally can't relate. I used to write them pointless bragging type pieces, but it's boring now, although they usually get the most response on these noob sites, cause' they relate it to Eminem & d12..

                        Bottomline is, stop being a herb.

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          Heres what im talking about...im not talking about stabing and killing and shit.. ICP has alot more to offer than that... this is called Southwest Song By ICP off their Ringmaster album

                          "Good people sometimes think bad things."
                          "Good people dream bad things, don't you?
                          "Good people even do bad things, once in a while, we do..."

                          Factory smoke and choke in pain
                          Cause Del Ray funk is in my brain
                          So I break the law, but I'm not to blame
                          You only know my place, you don't know my name

                          Well, I grip the fence and I bend the steal
                          And I steal a car and I grip the wheel
                          And I park the car and I steal it again
                          Cause I really don't know what's happening

                          I wait for night to fall, then I walk outside
                          And then I run back in cause I don't wanna die
                          You see, the air alone, it can corrupt your brain
                          As smoke fills the sky enough to block the rain

                          And I pray to God to help me justify
                          Look over me cause my brain is fried
                          And I don't have a name, I don't have a home
                          I just lay alone on my bed of stone

                          You see, death awaits me on my narrow path
                          And when I stop to think, I can only laugh
                          Because I'm not alone, it didn't take me long
                          To see everybody singing that Southwest Song

                          Wooooooo...Oh! We-oh...
                          Everybody singing that southwest song!!
                          Wooooooo...Oh! We-oh...
                          Everybody singing that southwest song!!

                          Some say I'm real and some say I'm fake
                          But I really don't care cause it's all too late
                          You see, my mind is weak and I'm losing breath
                          As I crawl along, I can feel the death

                          Everywhere I go, I bring with me pride
                          And then I pay the carny and I take a ride
                          But see, the wheel is wicked and it spins me death
                          So I try it again with what pride is left

                          If we have to go, then you can take me fast
                          See, I started under and I'm sinking fast
                          So when the joker's card is missing from your deck
                          Then you know the rope has finally caught my neck

                          Hey yo, don't look now, but there he go again
                          It's me and the Grim Reaper, best of friends
                          He's always hanging around, waiting for me to die
                          We shot a game of pool, he's not a bad guy

                          I feel I'm in the corner of a circled room
                          At about thirteen in the afternoon
                          And then I see the straing as I walk along
                          I notice everybody singing that Southwest Song

                          Wooooooo...Oh! We-oh...
                          Everybody singing that southwest song!!
                          Wooooooo...Oh! We-oh...
                          Everybody singing that southwest song!!

                          What does seem bad to you?
                          I'm angry... I'm angry
                          What does seem bad to you?
                          I'm angry... I'm angry
                          Everybody singing that southwest song!!

                          If my time has come, then I'm ready to go
                          Shoot me in the face with your forty-four
                          And when I'm falling down to my sorry death
                          I'll laugh with my very last breath (hahaha)

                          Lose some, win some, that's how it goes
                          I've been down and out, I took many blows
                          And there's nothing here I ain't seen before
                          I'm just a juggling juggla juggling more

                          You wanna see the world, you wanna run the town
                          You wanna meet a girl and wanna settle down
                          You wanna start a family and ya own a home
                          I wanna run with a set from the ghetto zone

                          You see the forks is up, see the forks is down
                          But I'm a wicked clown
                          So don't fuck around
                          Cause my brain is gone and it's on it's way
                          I'm exploding, so get off me, dog!!!

                          Well I could be right and I could be wrong
                          And if I ain't dead now then it won't be long
                          But it does not matter what set you on
                          Tonight everybody sings that Southwest Song

                          Wooooooo...Oh! We-oh...
                          Everybody singing that southwest song!!
                          Wooooooo...Oh! We-oh...
                          Everybody singing that southwest song!!
                          Wooooooo...Oh! We-oh...
                          Everybody singing that southwest song!!
                          Wooooooo...Oh! We-oh...
                          Everybody singing that southwest song!!
                          Wooooooo...Oh! We-oh...
                          Everybody singing that southwest song!!
                          Wooooooo...Oh! We-oh...
                          Everybody singing that southwest song!!

                          "What does seem bad to you?"
                          "Is it hitting other kids?"

                          Comment


                          • #14
                            HOMIES::::

                            (Rude Boy)
                            "Hey what up ya'll, it's the Rude Boy. I know ya'll ain't in, but I just want let ya'll to know something man, ya'll know I love ya, ya'll know you're my homies, and uh, bye we'll talk later. Peace


                            Violent J and Shaggy 2 Dope:
                            Let me ask you this life we live
                            And let me try to swerve some attention you give
                            To them distant ass relatives over ham dinner
                            If they really missed you so much, why don't they just call a (mutha fucka)?
                            If you wasn't blood would you still have love
                            Or in fact does the blood make you think you have to love?
                            Look, I probably love my family more than anybody here, but my homies are family too, 3rd cousins get outta here
                            Who was you with when you got tattooed?
                            And who was you trippin' with when you did them mushrooms?
                            And whothe fuck threw up all over you car and then felt worse than you about the shit in the morning?
                            Who loaned you money homie, who owes you cash? (WHO?)
                            Who taught you how to use the bong for the grass? (WHO?)
                            I don't know much, but I gotta assume
                            When you hit your first neden, your homies was in the other room

                            Chorus:
                            We talkin' about HOMIES HOMIES
                            Talkin' about those dogs of mine
                            Our mutha fuckin HOMIES HOMIES
                            We throwin' up clown love signs
                            Real Juggalo HOMIES HOMIES
                            Talkin' about those dogs of mine
                            homies homies


                            Violent J and Shaggy 2 Dope:
                            Have you ever had a job that you truly despise?
                            Like I like don't know maybe dish washin', or fuckin' flippin' fries
                            And you got this boss who think he the Don Mega, because he the head manager, Chief Chilli Fry Maker
                            All you can vision is ya'll beating him down, your homies standin' on his back while you're kickin' his head around
                            But responsibility is there, I can't lie though, I'd of been plucked his fuckin' eye ball out with a chicken bone
                            I'm crazy as fuck, I'd rip your piercings off, and now my homies are holding me back so I don't look soft
                            When you snuck the car out who did you get? (WHO?)
                            And when you got caught, on who'd you blame the shit? (WHO?)
                            Who can you relax around and scratch your balls? (WHO?)
                            Homies, I'm talkin' about like you and yours


                            Chorus:
                            Violent J, Anybody Killa, and Juggalos: (Lavender Rain - She Loves You Real - Oshideous 2:12 - Roy Sota FX)
                            You don't like me, you can fuck on!
                            Carnival ain't for everyone!
                            Keep it in your click fuck the outside baby
                            You don't like me, you can fuck on!
                            Carnival ain't for everyone!
                            Runnin' with the homies until I'm old like Grady

                            Jamie Madrox and Monoxide Child of Twiztid:
                            Me and my homies stay tight like a noose and if you step to one of us, you better step the whole crew
                            I never knew that I could depend, that I could have some friends, that's down to the very end
                            Well that's my homeboys excuse me, my family, and when we conquer the world, we mackin' on the galaxy
                            Cause the sky's the limit and we ain't finished, and if my homies gonna ride than you know I'm with it
                            Puff it and pass it and I give it to my homies ya'll
                            Hit it and quit it then I give it to my homies ya'll
                            I got the world around my finger with my homies ya'll
                            And everything is obsolete unless I hear my homies call
                            We world wide with homies across the planet
                            Stickin' together like zippers on a Micheal Jackson "Beat It" jacket
                            They got my back like a tat, for that I love ya'll, hangin' till we old and gray like grandpas

                            Violent J, Anybody Killa, and the Juggalos:
                            You don't like me, you can fuck off!
                            Carnival ain't for everyone!
                            Keep it in your click fuck the outside baby
                            You don't like me, you can fuck off!
                            Carnival ain't for everyone!
                            Runnin' with the homies until I'm old like Grady
                            You don't like me, you can fuck off!
                            Carnival ain't for everyone!
                            I ain't talkin' bout my family or my mother fuckin' lady
                            You don't like me, you can fuck off!
                            Swingin' hatchets on the daily with my crew actin' crazy

                            Comment


                            • #15
                              The Smog::::

                              The smog is coming
                              The smog is coming
                              The smog is coming
                              Aww shit, here it comes creeping through the cracks
                              The nooks, the crannies, it hit me, smack!
                              It's filling up my head, I gotta get it out
                              I got me a plan to get the shit out
                              Pulled out a ice pick to pick the bitch up
                              Smacking it, pushing it in my ear, fuck
                              Lord, oh please
                              What's happening to me?
                              It's the poisonous air from the smoke stacks, G
                              Seeping in my head, fucking up my brain
                              Driving me crazy, nuts, insane
                              Sewer sludgy, greasy slime
                              I'm always bucking with Father Time
                              Cause he's my motherfucking enemy number one
                              Tryin' to punch out all my life by fillin' up my lungs
                              The shit you call air but I call it death
                              Cause it makes me choke and lose my breath
                              My toes begin to curl, my fingers start to fold
                              Got drool on my lips and my body's getting cold
                              Don't know what to do so now I start to panic
                              But it's too late
                              I'm dead
                              The smog got me fucked

                              The smog is coming
                              The smog is coming
                              The smog is coming
                              The smog is coming

                              Another cloudy day, it's raining, but not water
                              It's raining oil out the sky, I think I outta
                              Make a run but I slipped on an oil slick
                              I can't move...I think I broke my fucking neck
                              It's no surprise
                              I'm laying there paralyzed
                              Looking up into the sky helped me realize
                              About us, the clouds form a devil's face
                              It must be a mirror image of the human race
                              And oh, shit, here it comes, the deadly smog
                              I can tell by the howl of the stray dog
                              The air is calm, the streets are so still
                              When the smog creeps out the pipes for a kill
                              Broken neck, I'm chilling cause I'm a goner
                              I can see the smog creeping around the corner
                              I lay still and hope it doesn't notice me
                              Oh shit, shit, fuck, fuck, shit, G
                              Looking up, just to see it's deadly jaws
                              I think I, I think I, I think I shit my drawers
                              But it's okay, the smog left me alone
                              So I lay and watch the clouds turn into stone
                              They come crashing down over Del Ray
                              One even landed on your homeboy Violent J
                              And I'm dead, crushed me in a split second
                              So if I'm dead then what the fuck I'm doing on this record?
                              The smog is here

                              The smog is coming
                              The smog is coming
                              The smog is coming
                              The smog is coming
                              The smog is coming
                              The smog is coming
                              The smog is coming
                              The smog is coming (Whatcha gonna do?)
                              When it comes on you?
                              Check it out.
                              When it comes on you.
                              When it comes on you.
                              The smog is coming
                              The smog is coming
                              The smog is coming
                              The smog is coming (You're gonna die)
                              The smog is coming
                              The smog is coming

                              Thoughts in my head (of a clown)...
                              Thoughts in my head
                              Thoughts in my head
                              Thoughts in my head
                              Thoughts in my head
                              Thoughts in my head
                              Thoughts in my head
                              Thoughts in my head
                              Thoughts in my head...

                              A dead body laying in his house for three weeks until his neighbors complain about the smell.
                              Didn't he have anybody to know he was dead?
                              A serial killer decided to kill himself before he actually killed someone else.
                              Was that good?

                              Thoughts in my head
                              Thoughts in my head
                              Thoughts in my head
                              Thoughts in my head...

                              An ocean of blood And with the bombs dropping it causes tidal waves.
                              Tidal waves that paint the town red.
                              Red. Everybody's dead.
                              Thoughts in my head of mothers and fathers look at me.
                              And I can feel the hatred in their eyes and it's cold.
                              Their children are nothing but them in the future.
                              Accept it.

                              Thoughts in my head
                              Thoughts in my head
                              Thoughts in my head
                              Thoughts in my head
                              Thoughts in my head
                              Thoughts in my head...

                              When sitting on her porch, bald headed from a disease she fought from the air, the air that we breathe.
                              The air we breathe is fucked up. It's fucked up.

                              Thoughts in my head
                              Thoughts in my head
                              Thoughts in my head...

                              All people wanna kill me but you can't kill me...cause if you kill me, I'll be back to kill you.
                              I will do it again...

                              Thoughts in my head
                              Thoughts in my head
                              Thoughts in my head...

                              A sixteen year-old little fucking punk sitting in his classroom drawing a gang sign on a folder.
                              He lives in Birmingham Hills.
                              What the fuck would you know about love?

                              Thoughts in my head
                              Thoughts in my head
                              Thoughts in my head...

                              People despise me and hate me and they don't know me.
                              I hate you too.
                              So it's all good...it's all good

                              Thoughts in my head
                              Thoughts in my head
                              Thoughts in my head...

                              This society that is so fucked up and so evil, that if somebody prays, they get made fun of and laughed at.
                              But it's not gonna be funny.
                              They won't be laughing when the bombs drop and the town is red.

                              Thoughts in my head
                              Thoughts in my head.....

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