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1st rhyme PLEASE HELP

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  • 1st rhyme PLEASE HELP

    m dorppin my rhyme/like your family 1 at a time/yes i commite da crime/and i'll do da time/follow me into my world now/where u start trippin and r bein chased by cows/with fat women in towels/see now im all dat in den some/fred christina is neva gonna give ya none/u weigh a ton/move fat ass RUN!/o no im way over done/baked to a crisp/and i hate all da faggots wit a lisp/

    Telll me what u think y'all!~
    What u know,i'll stole ur show!

    Now watch my peformance explode!

  • #2
    tell me!

    tell me what i need to work on. Know it was short but give me you think!
    What u know,i'll stole ur show!

    Now watch my peformance explode!

    Comment


    • #3
      hmmmm, thatz your VERY VERY VERY 1st rhyme u've ever written?
      Lyrikally Lost aka Fidel Kastrator


      http://invince.8m.net/dei2.gif

      Comment


      • #4
        Hmmmmm

        Wot can i say, a lot of room for improvement, look in the battle and read other emcees verses and then u will get an idea. wot ur up aginst
        Only a few of us left

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        • #5
          yo, dawg, if u PM me, i'll be glad to help u out. if thatz ur 1st rhyme, than itz pretty good for a 1st verse. but like i said, jess PM me and i'll teach u tha fundamentals of freestylin' and rappin', i'm still in tha process of learnin', so i guess mah dawg can help u out as well. i'll give u his sn and everything and mine if u PM me cuz i knoe what itz like to start rappin' on posts for tha 1st time. holla at me.
          Lyrikally Lost aka Fidel Kastrator


          http://invince.8m.net/dei2.gif

          Comment


          • #6
            ya....

            ya it is my first time actually freestlyin. Im freestyled with friends to a osng or something but this is my first time writing it down....and actually trying!
            What u know,i'll stole ur show!

            Now watch my peformance explode!

            Comment


            • #7
              to be aunest i aint gonna say its good for you first time .cuz it isnt,try not to just ryhme with the end word,try ryhming with other words then what is easiest,and try ryhming with more then one word in each line,compress your a couple of words to ryhme with each other in one line,and make sur it makes sence ,and you need a better vocabulary ,peace---

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              • #8
                ok?

                Well where is your rhyme i think dat is pretty good for my 1st time> I've seen worse of people who hhave been doin it for awhile like here is an example

                u dont know
                ya u blow
                i should not
                but i smoke pot

                usin a rhyme only once! so im sure yours was not any better!
                What u know,i'll stole ur show!

                Now watch my peformance explode!

                Comment

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