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Check the rhymin' , gimme feedback

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  • Check the rhymin' , gimme feedback

    Heh, that's not weed you all buy tea leaves ,
    Step up to me but i aint giving my freebies ,
    And don't grab my ball coz i sing high like Beegees ,
    you see these? my hands to give you a fistin' ,
    "let's go, let's go" is what your insistin' ,
    start listenin' , coz when i was born i had it ,
    but i lost it so i now rely on magic ,
    to complete these tunes with the delight to rap it ,
    i come quick to invent my new classic ,
    i win the battle so i knew .....thats it ,
    im not only good ive gone far past it ,
    and don't say im whack coz your being sarcastic ,
    your shit was good but we don't blow a gasket ,
    its drastic , that i ripped our shit to ya ,
    it dont matte it's not about anything imparticular ,
    i rap with the sharpness as how a machette goes through ,
    murder come from it......and that what you led me to
    http://dalux.dmusic.com

  • #2
    come on guys........
    everyone read it and everyone say what they think
    i really need other MC's to be critical of my work
    http://dalux.dmusic.com

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    • #3
      Nice rhyme, good use of sylable rhyming
      www.canibusworld.com

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      • #4
        its good shit u do, and u have a wide range of shit u write about, but its all about doing this and doing that, and doesnt make much sense as a long piece. Take a look at some of em's songs where he has the whole song inter-related to get ideas on what i mean. Examples are like Stan (i know we all hate it) and some of his older shit like backstabber, where in these he can manage to try to make the whole thing have pretty good rhyming but he can tell it as a kind of story. Sure its ok to do the odd one where it makes no sense at all, i mean what the hell is tonite about??? but the rhyming in it is shit hot. If u get good enough at rhyming, go for the shit hot approach a lot of the time, but try to do the odd one where it makes a bit of sense. I presonally can only listen to people saying how they'd like to fuck my mum a few different times before it all gets a bit the same, and then go on to talk about killing me. Add a bit of variation, and the best way to do it is to have the whole rap on a subject, it'll make u think of new shit u gotta write, especially if its a subject no one else has done

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        • #5
          anyone else wanna make some comments?!
          http://dalux.dmusic.com

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          • #6
            this was a'ight but it's a bit simple.... you need to up your vocab and use some wordplay....

            this is a good base to build from....

            - out.

            http://mikeee.virtualave.net/unda.gif
            aim screen-name : unda dwella

            Reppin' Poverty Ass, Forgotten Elementz and D.eath B.efore D.ishonor RIDAHZ...

            All lyrics are Poverty Ass Productions/Hung Phat Publishing...

            http://server46.hypermart.net/blacka...yAssBanner.gif

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