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str8 from tha heart

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  • str8 from tha heart

    yo, i've been gone 4 a while thinkin as sum y'all might know, so i came up with this str8 from tha heart, gimme sum feedback, and tha flow might not sound 2 good, but it cums out betta with a beat, hit me back with a title if ya can think of 1, either way hit me back if ya read it, peace

    What else can I do? Trying 2 stay tru 2 my foundation
    My mental frustration resulting in elimination
    Rolliní with a reputation and itís back to frustration
    Suicidal thoughts occupy my mind like an infestation
    Preachingí 2 my nation rest in peace to tha taken souls
    To my grandfather unite once again up at tha crossroads
    Till then watch over me, help me achieve my goals
    Hopefully gone when Iím old, and Iíll shelter my seeds from tha cold
    Tha lessons Iíve learned tha reason Iíll never be gullible again
    Cause Iíve acknowledged tha snakes that overrun tha game
    Iíve suffered tha pain returned to stand tall but Iíll go through it again
    I can see tha cloud over my head and itís always constant rain
    Find it hard to over come my obsession of fame
    Wanting my name imprinted eternally in historyís brain
    Is rapidly becoming more than life 2 me
    Contemplating what kinda man I wanna be
    One driven by currency or one at peace with his mind free
    Probably can see, Iím more troubled than most my age,
    Maturing faster,
    Caught in tha rage open my eyez and exposed to disaster
    I feel outta place, because of an irregular mentality
    My war scared face, out casted from my family
    Viewing tha insanity possessed by tha world
    Ashamed to admit Iíve been a fool with girls
    But I carried on; stayed strong and managed 2 correct what was wrong
    With my way thinking,
    When down on myself, I find my comfort through drinking
    Try linking problems with one another and never confuse a phoney with a tru brother
    Cause thatís how ya loose friends that stand by you
    Stand by when you feel tha rest of tha worldís trying you
    But never trust cause itís a world fulla lust, and people will lie 2 you
    Kinda complicated, 2 achieve full potential while being underrated
    Disorientated and hated
    Pondering is this tha world that God created?
    If so then why so mean, chasing a dream it seem my whole life Iíve been Iím attracted to drama
    But every time it rolls around I find myself being misinterpreted by my mamma
    Itís essential that I increase my stamina in case my hatas take things to tha next level,
    Cause itís happened before, people falling victim 2 creations from tha devil
    Bet he kick back and revel while Iím being mistreated 4 my rep as a rebel
    The heartbreak stays, it been goiní on for days, months and years
    So it canít be a phase, feeliní crazy never retreating cause no success comes 2 those who r lazy,
    My idea of my own fate, be proved when sum big shot Company pays me
    But till then, my future will be unknown, my mind hazy

  • #2
    ayo

    happy to see dat u didnt take your life man.........nice rhyme keep it up

    holla
    Battle Record

    ~8-4~

    Comment


    • #3
      thanx, uppin 4 oppinions and ideas for names

      Comment


      • #4
        *Losses* DJ Phat Ass
        - LOL
        Yo Cad, i liked your verse... screw the flow, when ur gettin stuff of your chest, flow isn't as important as content.

        Personally though, i think u tried using too many words just coz they rhymed. Especially in ur first four bars. I did like the conent though... just tried too hard with your vocab

        holla
        "Get Busy Livin' or Get Busy Dyin'.. Thats God Damn Right"

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        • #5
          dj phat hittme back in more detail, i wasn't understanding, peace

          Comment


          • #6
            What i mean is... i liked your rhyme. I like the content. It was all good. But there were occasions in the rhyme, where u used 'some' words, just coz they fitted in with the rhyme pattern...
            What else can I do? Trying 2 stay tru 2 my foundation
            My mental frustration resulting in elimination
            Rolliní with a reputation and itís back to frustration
            Suicidal thoughts occupy my mind like an infestation
            u got a bit carried away with that 'ation.. rhyme scheme.... especially bars 2 and 3.. they don't make much sense, but i understand what ya tryna say...
            But never trust cause itís a world fulla lust, and people will lie 2 you
            you used lust coz it rhymed with trust. The word doesn't make sense in that bar....
            Kinda complicated, 2 achieve full potential while being underrated
            Disorientated and hated
            'Disorientated' doesn't fit in either... sorry if it seems like i'm just disecting ur rhyme, but u wanted a better explanation...

            hope that cleared it up.

            I'm not saying ur rhyme is bad... u've used good vocab, but in the wrong places

            l8rZ
            "Get Busy Livin' or Get Busy Dyin'.. Thats God Damn Right"

            Comment


            • #7
              i get what ya sayin now, thanx, that helped, neva thought of dat,
              anyway i'mma away 2 play b-ball when i cum back lata betta b more opinions lol, peace

              Comment


              • #8
                ehhh. can i get more feedback

                Comment


                • #9
                  CUM ON GIMME SUM FUCKIN' FEEDBACK

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    I agree completely with DJ Phat. The subject matter was pretty good, but it seemed like you were forcing some rhymes, and not quite expressing yourself as well as you could have. At any rate, it's awesome that you put that much into this, and the length sets it off nice and proper. I liked it. Keep on writing, I'd like to see more from you.



                    I'm a stuck, starving artist.
                    Vincent Van Going nowhere.
                    Sold my silver souls to the devil.
                    Hoping he'll throw up a gold pair.
                    Mostly concerned... with my own interests... as per usual.
                    Foolishly pursuing the fruit of what's removable.
                    Into the full view.
                    Do you see me as suitable...
                    to prove to the world that my beautiful dream is simply doable?



                    Comment


                    • #11
                      thanx, that's good. friendly criticism and props, if it ain't 2 much bother try "that's life" if ya wanna c more from me

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        my name seems to be a reall good topic
                        Walk the path of Jesus, witness if Hell frizzes
                        The mind teases reality, crack the pieces
                        Nothin' eases, bein' chastise with blood baptize
                        Guys revise, acknowledge past lives
                        MF Grimm

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