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Who we miss (need critisism)

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  • Who we miss (need critisism)

    i know first verse is a little short but its as much as the beat would let me but anyway i wanna know if i should change anything to help flow or something rhymes are a bit simple but it works with the type of thing im doing imo at least

    Chorus
    R&B girl singing

    Verse 1
    this problem colossil reach for the gospil/
    its to aweful, possible to become apostil/
    it seems like so many people died already/
    in this life unsteady its to real when unready/
    to accept the blame they find/
    or cope with the pain inside/
    its best to see your own fantasy/
    one day we all rest in peace us or our family/

    Chorus


    Verse 2
    we make our own decisions/
    its so short this time were given/
    sometimes wondering why does livin start to/
    get so hard to do when your thinking what to do/
    you think your going crazy/
    when your asking "lord please take me, save me"/
    well it didnt save shaylene she/
    couldnt take the heave i just cant believe/
    all these people i once knew who i talked to/
    could be gone to from what they've gone through/
    i wish i could move on to but its to hard to do/
    to hard to prove, what we have to lose/
    is not just ourselves, but to the ones we hurt as well/
    this seems to be our main concern, to hell/
    its who we missed and who we are/
    who we risked and who we harmed/

    Chorus


    Verse 3
    I only wish we could reminisce/
    with those we miss lost to deaths kiss/
    but remember this life is not what it seems/
    things are only as bad as we believe/
    but some believed in the terror/
    to a point where they could never/
    even look in the mirror, again/
    but they had to pretend/
    that nothing was wrong/
    when their life coulda been saved by a simple song/
    and they could of found where they belong/
    finding it so hard to carry on/
    you los your thoughts when life was to serious/
    you have to remember to hold every experience/
    closer to get the most outta the life gettin colder/
    so find your closure and keep death in the holster/

    Chorusx3

    post your thoughts on it
    thats what i got so far btw shaylene was a person i knew who committed suicide the day before valentines day
    CMAD PRODUCTIONS CANADA
    Ghetto Raized.com
    REVERBNATION
    MYSPACE

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