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We Coming Through

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  • We Coming Through

    My mate (calls himself Guti) told me he was making a song called "We Comingh Through" and he wanted me to do a verse....so i wrote one in like 10 mins...and heres my verse...i think it sucks but some people like it..oh and dont be put off by the first 2 lines cause they suck...please read all of it and rate me


    (Elonzo Verse)
    There’s a lot of stars in the sky reflecting past time,
    There’s a lot of them stars trying to shine,
    It’s a lot like us humans trying to rhyme,
    And for those that can’t flow resort to crime,
    There’s a long line from the shit to the dopest,
    Spittin for hours at a time just to get noticed,
    But only the closest to being ill manage to find,
    Shit close to them in the back of their minds,
    They scavenge for any chance just to get signed,
    They take their time and explode on the mic like a mine,
    Cause all we need is an ounce now just to blow,
    So I can show the world how I can flow,
    With a little time I could beat many men and glow,
    With a little money I could top the Eminem show,
    Step back and let Elonzo and Guti leave you speechless,
    Let us go to the top so far you cant reach us,
    As high as the stars is where we going to,
    Move the fuck outta our way cause we coming through.
    Cain is for Charlie, and Delta is for Cain


  • #2
    Uh.......ok.....
    Imma rate it outta 10 and then give ya some tips

    Flow- 8.5 (seemed good but i needa hear ya)
    Multies-7.5 (eh they were ok)
    Creativity- 7.8 (kinda give it cuz i liked the message)
    Lyrics- 6.5 (Def work on it)

    You seemed like ya hadda good flow goin and u used a little bit of multies, not that much tho....I kinda gave the creativity a good rate cuz i liked the message, the lyrics seemed very simple, thats why i rated it low......10 minutes for that? I kinda expect more from 10 mins of writin a verse thats only 18 lines....no offense, keep workin, peace
    The Big 4
    http://youtu.be/NMMUh37BWEE The Truth
    http://youtu.be/PT_j38VUAuE Rondo
    http://youtu.be/yhTKSdWRC0I KG
    http://youtu.be/3VhwzKGkvjg Ray

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    • #3
      you could top the eminem show. I dont think so .But you can write it was a good read

      Comment


      • #4
        i know i cant top the eminem show lol...i jus wrote that shit anyway...i personally think i suck....ok i will try better on my next rhyme ...nice to see some real critisicm....instead of "those are the shittest lines ever"...fanx
        Cain is for Charlie, and Delta is for Cain

        Comment


        • #5
          it was aight
          "This is paradise, I'm tellin' ya. This town like a great big pussy jus' waitin' to get fucked."

          Comment


          • #6
            Uppin
            Cain is for Charlie, and Delta is for Cain

            Comment


            • #7
              Hey Elonzo
              Got anymore for us to read

              Comment


              • #8
                yeah but it sucks
                Cain is for Charlie, and Delta is for Cain

                Comment


                • #9
                  ALADIN says you will come up with something good

                  .
                  Last edited by teresa666scuba; 04-22-2004, 10:55 AM.

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    lol...
                    Cain is for Charlie, and Delta is for Cain

                    Comment

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