sup ppl im new and only 14

[white out]

im runnin in and infestin with the smith wessin/
killen ya`ll givin with out blessin no stressin/
i came in to teach ya`ll a lessin for messin with me/
im white to the mutha fukcin o/
u/
t/
better listen closley to the words i disperse cause before the verse comes the curse/
i put a spell on u have u traped in my sands of time now time to unleash the evils which are mine/
destroyin man kind with a simple phrase or verse/
have private skool kids muggin old women for there purse/
mista murdrer tried to kill her but just hurt her/
so u try again but this time u burn her/
she wont die/why not?/
shit im troubled/
maybe its cause i dont exist im just trapped in a bubble

[Trem]

it was alright, it's good that you're startin so young, i started when i was your age.. your usin multies which is good.. but yeah.. it was alright, i gave ya a six

[DraZticDaX]

i guess your coo.................i guess

[Lil' Midgetman]

hmm im 14 and i think my flow is better than that, it sounded like you were rhyming just for the sake of rhyming and there wasnt much flow in it. Some of the lines were way too long and unrappable but keep it up man you aren't that bad

[obies_gyal]

yeh it lacked flow and if you try adn rap it, it wouldn't sound so good. some of the lyrics are pretty good though.

[Deuce40]

I have to agree. The structure could use some work, but it just takes time. You words were good though. Just keep at it.

[InK]

you gotta elevate, straight up.. i'm not sugar coatin this shit, elevate, your words were simple, fuck what the others say.. anyone can rhyme wessin stressin and messin..which were the only half, or quarter good lines.. and the flow was off.. it was basically a rookie rhyme, just keep learning and shit... the only reason i wasn't sugar coating anything is cuz it's the only way you're going to learn, if people tell you that you are good when you are shit then you're not going very far.

[white out]

yea it guess it wasnt all that great but im just startin out.
thanks tho imma post another

and yo insakure i do go to d4d im on there as TJ

[white out]

yo little midget man if u say ur so better then me u wanna batlle????

[Lil' Midgetman]

ok then lets battle in rookie battles

[da Leprechaun]

good stuff
are u the same whyte out from hhe?

[rawb]

that was gay, you are 14 talking about guns.. how original. i dont like textcees though, try audio and ill give you a better critique

[Di$turbed_kid]

it was coo for me.......im only 14 too prolly better then what i can do....but i guess they right about you rymein so easy its true that you can ryme wessin with messin and stressin.....if you look at luda, em, and some other ppl they not rappin simple nemore...but hell wtf do i know but yeah it was good