im just 14 ppl go easy lmfao

[Di$turbed_kid]

im livin in the streets of the ghetto of the 559
gunz alwayz goin off,and the ladies are fine
for some reason i dont want to live this life I live
just want to cut my wrist and and straight up give....
i want to drop this,give up,watch my life end
i go up, face god he tells me all my sins,
then drop straight down,...with a smile
and not a frown,
im glad i ended this shit
i cant live this nomore
everyday i get hit,
i cant help it if im not how they want me to be....
they should love me for me, and then theyll see
that im not that bad,
im not that weird
they need to hear, what i got to say
instead of yellin, and smackin me everyday
im in the bed cant even move,they alwayz say they not in the mood
this is why i did what i did, i did this, with no regrets
they wont even know im lyin here bleedin i be, im in my bed and im
practicly dead as to the devil my soul i sell
as im here burnin in hell.

[Fitz]

not bad, throughout ur raps u have to try to get more clever and lyrical. Try expanding your vocab and working with wordplays. Obviously now ur just rhyming words and expressing your feelings. Which is good. Everyone starts off that way. But from now on, work on little word plays like.....

"I get so much head from my girl i poke her brain"

^ example

And expandin the vocab, using more syllables and multies in ur rap, but dont try too hard now, ur still in the first stages, just keep writing until u get comfortable, but as u do it keep expanding, drop maybe a few wordplays in ur rhymes or w/e...... then as u get better u can use em through whole verses and shit.....

[WHITEnight]

it was okay but you definitely need to expand your vocabulay