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'Clocks Ticking' *FULL VERSION....WORTH THE READ...LEAVE FEED*

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  • 'Clocks Ticking' *FULL VERSION....WORTH THE READ...LEAVE FEED*

    (Verse 1)
    i am moments from the escape of life with hate
    everywhere i take a look the passion for fate escalates
    its hard to make a mistake into a positive phase
    mean how could i? bein in a world thats a crazed maze
    want to be praised but my ways do not amaze me
    just makes me crazy growing up still acting like a baby
    cant live for my dreams theres a wall blocking me
    want to die my finger on the trigger is whats stopping me
    wanna pull it but my senses tell me i have chances
    to make advances that will send me past the circumstances
    don't know if i should comprehend with my insides
    my mind keeps switching sides too hard for me to decide
    whats actually wrong and what may possibly be right
    but if i really want to die then my last opportunity is tonight

    (Chorus)
    the clocks ticking as well as my death
    knowing i am seconds away from having my last breath
    should i stop now and live un-respected
    or should i put myself in a place where i wont be rejected

    (Verse 2)
    hands from the clock on the dot hittin eleven o'clock
    sittin here with the gun wondering if ill reach heaven or not
    put the barrel in my mouth crying and holding it steady
    shoulda pulled it already but my guts saying that i aint ready
    knowin my decision could end my life full of hostility
    no one can tell me to pull the trigger it is my responsibility
    my ability to know differences between good and bad
    hoping for no one to witness the troubled life that i have had
    sweat is going down my face my hands have trembled
    if i shoot now aint a toy so theres no way i can be reassembled
    but what have i got to lose? no job, food, or any money
    and no honey when i am out and about damn sun is never sunny
    never gettin shined upon each day keep getting sicker
    mentality is gettin bigger hopefully it'll change if i pull the trigger

    *BANG!......silence.....then chorus starts up*

    *Chorus*
    Go Cubs! It's Their Season Baby!

  • #2
    may i get some feed?
    Go Cubs! It's Their Season Baby!

    Comment


    • #3
      I liked it man plain an simple, i dont feel the need to break it down piece by piece, i thought it was simple an it was good.
      2 wins 0 Loses (2kos)
      John420-KO'D
      PimpmasterFlex-KO'D

      Comment


      • #4
        thanks 4 feed.....uppin
        Go Cubs! It's Their Season Baby!

        Comment


        • #5
          I liked it, I thought you could of stretched the emotional build up near the end for a bit longer, get the intensity pumpin.

          You had a few great bars in there.

          wanna pull it but my senses tell me i have chances
          to make advances that will send me past the circumstances

          but what have i got to lose? no job, food, or any money
          and no honey when i am out and about damn sun is never sunny


          I enjoyed the chorus as well. Usually I find chorus's to have a tendency to ruin poems because they're always so damn simple, but in this piece the chorus worked very well.

          Keep at it.

          Comment

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