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    Here's a rather short poem...

    Change, I'm ready for change
    Needing to change
    Lived a long time at the same place
    Within the same routine
    Barely able to expand the scene
    And concinve people of writing talents
    And in depth knowledge of situations
    Overseeing the answer simply plain
    Within a certain complexity
    That eventually became the translation
    For the politics as explenation

    2005 J. Baak
    *** J B K o n l i n e D O T com ***

  • #2
    shit thats complex....its sat morning here sooo maybe i gotta warm up my brain b4 i understand this one....but i dig either wayz

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    • #3
      Honestly, I thought it sucked.

      "And concinve people of writing talents"

      That line stuck out as big headed. And really, you aren't very good at writing (at least judging by the poems of yours that I've read). And even if you were, everyone has room for improvement.

      Otherwise, the poem was boring and emotionless. There was no flow, and the vocabularly and rhymes were really bad.

      But it's not the worst I've seen in this forum. Maybe other people will like it. Personally, I hated it.

      But keep trying. You might get better.

      I mean, when I first joined this board, my poems were horrendous. Well. At least I wasn't as satisfied with them as I am now. So keep writing.
      no dough ho, you can't fuck with me!

      Comment


      • #4
        ^ sum of what she said i agree with but i like some of your poems but this one is just a no no.
        OH HAI!

        Comment


        • #5
          Originally posted by Aerotisma
          Honestly, I thought it sucked.

          "And concinve people of writing talents"

          That line stuck out as big headed. And really, you aren't very good at writing (at least judging by the poems of yours that I've read). And even if you were, everyone has room for improvement.

          Otherwise, the poem was boring and emotionless. There was no flow, and the vocabularly and rhymes were really bad.

          But it's not the worst I've seen in this forum. Maybe other people will like it. Personally, I hated it.

          But keep trying. You might get better.

          I mean, when I first joined this board, my poems were horrendous. Well. At least I wasn't as satisfied with them as I am now. So keep writing.

          Poems don't need to have rhymes and flow to be good. It what you see inside of the poem and the way other people can relate to it.


          Beside that, i like it. It might not have good flow but it made me think..

          Comment


          • #6
            Thanks for the feedback, good or bad. I know this isn't great, but I still tried to make you think and see if it worked. I'm working on my copyright deal, and this ain't even a part of that, and that's exactly why I posted it.
            *** J B K o n l i n e D O T com ***

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