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  • Strong

    Just a little one i thought was good since i dont do many small ones

    I can feel my lungs getting tighter
    I wish now that i didnt live my life as a fighter
    Why cant i breathe, it feels like my hearts on fire
    My heart is burning and i can feel the cuts from the wire
    Through the wire, lifes gonna end
    Never needed no one except a girlfriend
    No one needed me so this is what its gonna be
    This is the last thing that im ever gonna fuckin see
    OH HAI!

  • #2
    I liked it!!....sometimes it's best to leave it "short.."....good job!
    YoU Can'T HurT wHat'S No lONger ThERe.... wITh nO heArT...I dOn't FUCKEN CARE

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    • #3
      niiice i liked itt
      yea short ones can be powerful
      Bored? CHECK IT!
      http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jz1NNr2_dfw

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      • #4
        i dont know why i put that "fucking" in the last line if i recall, i was pissed off when i was writin it
        OH HAI!

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        • #5
          ye short and sweet. i can relate very well to a couple of lines

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          • #6
            thanks, im workin on a poem that alot of people should be able to relat to
            OH HAI!

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            • #7
              very powerful poetry, gotta love it
              *** J B K o n l i n e D O T com ***

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              • #8
                thts perfect dude! no really..i mean it..thrs a cliff hanger..and thts cool!

                explain --> why is it called strong? i dont care..i love it! props!!
                Ruby<3z:
                Oscarpmr,TheMan,Dozmin,Rog,timmy,@#$,Rilana,Stickz2004,Steve--o,civic,DJW,Realize,Crazyandproude,=W=,DrkAim,BiSONN,

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                • #9
                  thanks for the feed, i love poetry now, its like i love rap and poetry is just like a deeper version and the reason i called it strong is because im goin through a lot of shit right now and i just gotta try and stay strong through it all and not give up.
                  OH HAI!

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                  • #10
                    yea u deserve it
                    R.I.P. Proof
                    LIVE BY DA COCK,DIE BY DA GUN
                    REPS 4 ME=REP 4 U
                    I go hard, neva home

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                    • #11
                      yea man that was short and sweet
                      and don't worry about that little "fucking" i can feel you pissed off in that line
                      Ma Crew's Soundclick:
                      86 Regiment
                      Yung Murda - Mudlark - Ruffneck
                      FUCK A CREW WE A SYSTEM

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                      • #12
                        Damn... Why is it that I hate all of your poetry?

                        This one was really awful to me.

                        And if you're not going to make the effort of proofreading your poetry, you're just too lazy to post.

                        It was not powerful at all. It was boring, repetitive (in a BAD way) and didn't convey anything at all. I have no clue what the poem was even about. The vocabulary was horrible. I don't know what else to say.

                        I mean. I suppose it's all a matter of opinion. And my opinion is that this poem was hideous.
                        no dough ho, you can't fuck with me!

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