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When The Sky Turns Red...

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  • When The Sky Turns Red...

    Based on Graff and what not...kinda rushed and flows different, but it is what it is...


    I inscribe acient ideas to scripture,
    The poet of pictures;
    Written in a purple like mixture,
    The unknown mister,
    In the mist of a master artifact,
    Verbal attack the train,
    All you hear is "Click Clack",
    Spray, shaking the can back,
    The remedy is almost done,
    Gloves dirty, gotta hurry,
    'Cause here comes the sun,
    Pack up the Pens,
    Ditch the cans; pick up the backpack,
    Shyt, the can stained,
    Gotta pick up some new slacks,
    Observe the name,
    Fore the train will tour the metropolis with fame,
    The pen slays like a blade,
    Glazed in black blaze,
    The aroma of clay lays in a luminous haze,
    For days daze on the city fore it is my art gallery,
    Phuck a salary,
    You only get this state of mind through paintin' (pain in) reality

  • #2
    Interesting... I wasn't feeling it, but I like the imagery a lot. Could really see where you were going with this.
    no dough ho, you can't fuck with me!

    Comment


    • #3
      This was okay. I really wasn't feeling the
      flow of this though. I don't know it was
      just sort of cliche. i liked the title tho..
      keep ya pen flowing
      .
      .
      .

      she borrowed my shoes
      and noticed, how wore down my;
      soul has really got

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      • #4
        liked it a lot. Goin w/ spotlight about the imagery.... felt like i was there.

        Comment


        • #5
          i like that u are able to tell the story of whats going on while you're painting, good vocab, but i think you could explore more "that state of mind" that you mention in the last line, which i think the opening just touches on it:
          I inscribe acient ideas to scripture,
          The poet of pictures;
          Written in a purple like mixture,
          The unknown mister,
          In the mist of a master artifact,

          Comment


          • #6
            this felt more like a freestyle/keystyle then a poem..inwhich it was really good in that catagory...but as a poem...it lacked metaphors....it was too obvious...there was nothing that said one thing...but accually meant soemthing else...but it was good for a freestyle/keystyle...nice work..PeAcE for now

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